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Jared knows that between he and Jensen, he’s the more emotional one. He let’s things that really shouldn’t, get under his skin at inopportune moments. This time, he kind of asked for it. He’d been surfing the net between scenes and found the “spn spoilers” tag on Tumblr, and even if he didn’t mean to go looking for a plethora of fan’s opinions (both good and bad), that’s what he found. He chuckled through a lot of what he read about the last episode that aired , (and tucked away some of the criticisms that he thinks might actually help him if he remembers them later,) glad that so many of the fans enjoyed the episode.
What he didn’t count on running across was some of the longer posts and personal opinions that went into detail about his acting abilities versus Jensen’s. Jared knows (or at least he’s been told by the hundreds of thousands of Supernatural fans from all over the world) that he’s a gifted actor. He can watch re-runs of Supernatural and sometimes stun himself that he’d managed to pull off some of the scenes that he did. And he’s proud of his work. But Jensen (and even Misha) are the ones with the awards to prove their acting is spot on, and he’s yet to manage to reach that pinnacle yet. It really shouldn’t bother him.
One look at Jared’s worried-face tells Jensen that something isn’t quite right from the moment he opens Jared’s trailer door. Jared’s kaleidoscope eyes are glued to the laptop screen and he barely acknowledges Jensen’s presence, so the older actor just knows this is going to be one of those times where Jared is going to need a hand in getting back into a good mindset. As far as he’s concerned, that’s what he’s here for. To be there for Jared.He’s Dean to Jared’s Sam and he’s gonna take care of him.
Jared has been told by his therapist when he’s brought up this exact topic before that it’s okay to feel the way he does. His feelings and thoughts are valid, no matter how silly he keeps saying they are. His therapist is amazing. He knows the thought processes he should be starting to put himself through right about now, to get out of this funk he’s suddenly found himself in, but it’s like he can’t pull himself away from the screen. Jensen does it for him.
One finger pushes the laptop closed and Jensen looks down at his overgrown puppy best friend and smiles. “Alright, spill. What’s up Jay?” It takes a couple of seconds for Jared to war with himself inside his mind, deciding if he should just tell Jensen it’s nothing and that he’s fine, but he knows Jensen will get it out of him without trying too hard, so he gives in and pops open a bottle of wine from the wine fridge under the counter and pours them each a glass.
To his credit, Jensen is a great listener, and he doesn’t say a word as Jared explains what he found, acknowledging him with small noises in the back of his throat and nodding his head. If anyone can understand the situation Jared is in, it’s Jensen. When Jared’s done airing out his worries that he’s holding Jensen back as far as acting and explaining that sometimes hearing things like what he read makes him feel inferior to even their best of friends from the show, he’s one glass down and has only got one tear-stained tissue on the table in front of him, which is an improvement from the last time he had an episode like this, so Jensen takes it as a win.
“Okay man, you can listen to me or not, it’s up to you, okay? But here’s what I think you should do.” Jensen waits and Jared nods his head. He’s grateful that they’re both done shooting for the day, or at least that Sam and Misha volunteered to take the later time slots for shooting their own scenes, so they’ve got a few extra hours to just spend together. “Go call your wife. Spend a little FaceTime with her, and let her know what’s up. She’ll appreciate it. Dani’s probably hanging out with her tonight anyway so tell her I said hi, too. Then come get me from my trailer and we’ll have Clif drive us home, alright?” Jared knows Jensen’s got a plan, so he just leans over the table and kisses Jensen’s cheek before he nods and pulls out his phone, heading for the comfortable chair tucked in the corner of his trailer to call Gen.
As per usual, Jensen is right. Genevieve appreciates that Jared called and let her in on how he’s feeling. She tells him all the same things Jensen would, and it makes Jared chuckle to himself because he knows how lucky he is to have these amazing people in his life that he loves and that love him just the same. Shep wakes up for a drink of water and groggily blows kisses across the miles to his Daddy and that makes Jared feel a hundred times better. Jared tells Gen that he’s gonna let Jensen take care of him tonight and the four of them have been at this private ‘open-relationship’ long enough that she understands his meaning and is grateful that Jared has someone to be there for him like Jensen is. He tells her he loves her and she repeats the words back, “to the moon and stars,” and when they hang up Jared goes to find Jensen.
Getting back to their apartment doesn’t take long, but Jared has a vague idea of what’s in store for him once the front door closes behind them and that thought keeps him awake for the entire ride, even after a hectic shooting day.
Jensen gifts him with soft touches and kisses and puts a genuine smile on Jared’s face when he smacks his bottom and tells him to go let the dog out and lock up. He draws Jared a bath, strips him down one article of clothing at a time and lavishes every revealed inch of skin with tender attentions as the water fills the tub. Then steeling himself the best he can, he doesn’t join Jared in the tub, even after he’s hit with lethal puppy dog eyes.
Jensen does the breakfast dishes from that morning and makes sure the dog has food and water before he heads upstairs, checks on Jared through the crack in the bathroom door, and then goes to work stripping himself down and opening himself up on three fingers, biting into his forearm to keep himself from being too loud and giving away the surprise. Jared walks into the bedroom with his hair still dripping down his broad chest and a big white towel wrapped low on his hips to find Jensen laying in the middle of their large California-King mattress, absently stroking himself under the sheet, just out of sight of Jared’s now darkening and hungry eyes. He forgets the towel on the ground and crawls up on the bed beside Jensen.
Back in the trailer Jensen recognized Jared’s need to be comforted (which he’ll admit to not being the greatest at) and then put in control of something he enjoys. Jensen knows intimately how much Jared enjoys pinning him to the mattress and taking him apart and since he’s got a dog in this fight too (his own pleasure from that exact situation) he doesn’t mention it out loud. Jared explores the ridges and planes of Jensen’s body with hands and mouth like it’s the first time he’s ever been given this privilege and he takes his time in doing so, gaining control over his emotions and his confidence again as the minutes tick by. It’s therapeutic like almost nothing else is, better than a therapy session or meditation or any of the other crazy things he’s tried over the years. Jensen lets him go, basking in the attention and whispering praises, telling Jared just what he likes the entire time. Jared already knows, and that only builds his confidence more.
By the time Jared is sliding inside Jensen’s already slicked and prepped hole, Jensen is resigned to letting Jared fuck him open with soft and deep thrusts all night if that’s what it takes to make his boy feel better. Jensen’s heels dig into the backs of Jared’s thighs and Jared grits his teeth and keeps up a steady rhythm that keeps them both on edge almost constantly. And it’s always so good, the ache that builds up inside Jensen just from wanting Jared this way and knowing he can have it. It’s the same way for Jared, knowing that Jensen trusts him enough to let him inside his body and shower him with a love they’re both sure is unlike any other in the world.
In the afterglow, two perfectly timed releases pulled from each man and with soft touches and kisses and fingers entwined in a way that would make Dean Winchester gag, Jensen leans over from where he was laid out flat on his back and presses his lips to Jared’s shoulder. “You know the only thing that’s really important is what you think of yourself, right? That you are enough. This show couldn’t go as long as it does without you, and that makes you one of the best. You amaze me on a daily basis, and Sam Winchester is no easy character to portray. You’ve brought him to life and inspired so many people through him. That’s all you, Jay. Nobody could even think to hold a flag to what you’ve done.”
Jared listens, takes Jensen’s words to heart before rolling over his lover and claims his lips in a kiss powerful enough to shoot sparks behind his eyelids. “Thank you Jen.”