Chapter Text
(Set 3 months after previous chapter)
It all started when Baku made a harmless comment.
The friends were sat in the basketball club room, the others too rowdy on the court.
“I would’ve loved to spar you back then. Wahh, bet you were so cool.” Humin said to Suho, big motions with his words.
Of course, the friends were already told about Suho’s athleticism and that he was a retired mma fighter. While it was no doubt that Baku was stronger, he was still intrigued to know how much Suho knew.
“Were?” Suho scoffed, turning his nose up. The topic of the conversation had Sieun listening intently, feeling a little tense at even the thought of Baku sparring with the man next to him.
“When i’m fully recovered how about it, huh? Show me what you got.” Suho said with a genuine smile. Suho knew he wasn’t as strong anymore, maybe he wouldn’t ever reach where he was before the accident. But all of his energy and confidence was still there, blaring bright; like he hadn’t lost the ability to walk or move properly for months. Sieun knew deep down it was a front, Suho felt lost without his strength.
Since regaining his ability to walk again, Suho was working on regaining all of his power back. He was determined, frustrated even. He picked up a workout routine again, jogging, running, trying to regain his stamina. He’s pushed himself past his limits mutiple times, having Sieun worried sick. Suho would often come home and have his legs give out from underneath him, he’d suppress cries of pain, worry, anger. He’d collapse on the couch and fall asleep almost instantly. Sieun would just watch, coming over and removing his jacket, and his eyes wouldn’t leave the younger until he woke up again.
Suho was definitely getting there, Sieun felt it when Suho was finally able to wrestle him to the floor again with ease, when he was able to pull him into his arms, when he was able to lift him from the floor, when he back to encouraging Sieun to keep going on their runs. This didn’t mean Suho didn’t struggle. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t be drained for the entire day after a work out, it didn’t mean his wouldn’t suffer from his absent seizures, it didn’t mean there was still some days where he felt too exhausted to go to school.
Hearing Suho’s comment was setting emergency alarms off, blaring in Sieun’s ears. Just the thought of Suho going against Baku made him sick. Even if he knew it was friendly, he knew it wasn’t a fight, but it didn’t matter. He thought about it, the punches getting thrown, smiles on their faces, until they weren’t there. Until the intensity picked up and one of them gets carried away. Images of Suho on the floor flashed in his mind again, the blood dripping from his head, falling in slow motion taunting Sieun, as if to tell him he could’ve stopped this. Suho’s hand not even twitching, his limp body getting repeatedly bombarded while he couldn’t fight back, the moment of pure silence as the boys around him realised what they had done. That was the worst part. The silence. The sound of absolutely nothing but everything at the same time. The sound which haunted Sieun every night preventing him from falling asleep.
Sieun felt sick, there was nothing in his eyes. He was back in the boxing ring, confined by the barriers. There was loud ringing in his ears, and all he could see on the other side of the ring was Suho.
Suho. Suho. Suho.
He was there, a mere metre away.
But Sieun couldn’t get up, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t save him. His chest was heaving again, breath caught in his throat.
If he could just move.
He could get to him, wake him up.
Sieun forgot how to breathe. He heard mumbling from behind him. An echo of a voice, and he didn’t want to turn back to it. He didn’t want to see Beomseok’s face again, he was tired of feeling responsible, tired of blaming himself. The utter exhaustion had already eaten up at him, he didn’t need to go through it again. He had let the guilt go, he had finally let Beomseok go. He needed to get out of the ring.
The voice behind him became louder and his body began to shake. Sieun squeezed his eyes shut, mumbling under his breath.
“Suho I’m sorry. Suho I’m sorry.”
His name started to become clearer, the voice began to get louder and more frantic and he felt a strong grip on his shoulders. Sieun panicked, eyes flying open, ready to push away from whoever had a grip on him.
But as he opened his eyes it was bright again, and Suho. Oh, Suho. He was right there, sheer panic on his face as he stared at Sieun, a strong, strong, grip on his shoulders.
Sieun felt himself breathing heavily, felt his chest moving up and down. He was confused, disoriented. He looked at Suho, eyes scanning, no bruises, no blood mocking him as it fell down his face, no red jacket or short hair. Relief. Suho was okay, he was fine.
Right. That was two years ago. Two years had passed since then. Sieun looked around, he saw his other friends, surrounding him with worry, no, maybe pity on their faces. Sieun calmed down, as he finally remembered where he was, when it was.
He felt a hand on his cheek, a soothing movement of a thumb caressing his cheek.
“Breathe, Sieunie.” He heard Suho say softly, “In and out.” He guided Sieun, until his breath had became even again.
Thankfully, it seemed as though lunch had finished. Only the five friends remained inside the basketball club room, Hyuntak backed away and gave some space for the two.
“Are you Okay, Sieun-ah?” Jun-tae asked hesitantly, and Sieun couldn’t find it in himself to answer. He felt as though his lips were shut, throat closing up. He managed a small nod of his head.
“Was it, was it what I said?” Suho asked cautiously, moving his hand into Sieun’s hair gently, soothing him. Sieun looked up and met his eyes.
Was it? Was it Suho innocently wanting to spar with a friend that had caused this?
Yes. It was. And Sieun felt angry, frustrated, how Suho still wasn’t taking things seriously, he hated how he was still stuck. Why was Sieun still stuck in the ring, every small thing triggering him back to when Suho had got hurt. Shouldn’t it be him, shouldn’t the younger be in constant fear and worry about getting hurt.
Suho had always been stronger than him, he remembers.
Once again, Sieun said nothing. Instead he leant toward, head falling onto Suho from where he was stood infront of him.
Suho shuffled closer, his other arm wrapping around Sieun’s shoulder.
“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not fighting anyone.” Suho muttered from above him.
He heard Suho mumble a few words to the three beside him, he must’ve told him it was fine and they could go to class as the three walked off, giving him a pat on the shoulder.
Sieun’s hand moved, gripping the fabric of Suho’s shirt, just to make sure he was there, really there. The taller’s scent surrounded him and he felt safe again.
He wanted to be angry at Suho, to burst out and ask how he can be so reckless but he felt as though Suho understood now. Like he understood how Sieun felt about him and Baku sparring.
“I’m sorry.” Suho whispered, hand shifting from his position in Sieun’s hair to his jaw. He turned his head up, eyes meeting those beautiful watery eyes he liked so much. Suho could get lost in them for days, drowning in all the words they were trying to convey that Sieun just couldn’t.
Their gazes lingered for a moment, Suho struck by the pure intensity of Sieun’s eyes.
The shorter shook his head.
“How are you not scared like I am.” Sieun finally said, voice cracking and somber.
Suho was surprised, shocked at the pure honesty and display of emotions. Sieun rarely expressed himself verbally, the only time he had seen it was when he read those messages, the hundreds of Sieun pouring his heart out to him while he battled his coma, or when he was angry at Suho that time at the hospital for walking by himself. Suho registered the question in his brain.
If Sieun was being so honest, shouldn’t he try to?
“Aye.” He sighed, a small smile on his lips. “I am. But, probably not the same reason as you. I’m scared I can’t be who I was. I mean I was cool, right? I could fight well, people would leave me alone, I made friends, I met you, all because I could fight. What do I have now? Even if I can’t- Even if I don’t have that anymore, I at least want to pretend, I guess. Pretend everything is normal.” Suho shrugged, he looked away; sniffing, refusing to meet Sieun’s eyes again.
The elder wasn’t good with his words, his brain much too exhausted to form an adequate response. So he stood up, startling Suho a moment who immediately went to support him. Sieun wrapped his arms around Suho. Snaking around his neck and one gripping his shoulder hard.
Suho let a sound of surprise, before allowing himself to reciprocate, arms finding their way naturally to the shorter’s waist.
While it had been months, since they became a couple of some sorts, Sieun had never been overly affectionate first. He allowed Suho to initiate, but would never stray away from his touch. At times he craved it, wanting nothing more than for Suho to drag him into him and hide Sieun away forever.
Sieun struggled with initiating, not knowing how to go about it, never had getting it his whole life. There was still many things Sieun struggled with. How to not sound rude or uninterested, how to feel emotions and show them, how to process happiness.
But this time it felt right, it felt right to collapse into Suho, like it was the only way to convey himself.
He felt warm as Suho pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his head, letting out a content sigh.
“Even if you don’t think you’re strong, you are. You don’t need to be able to fight to matter. Not to me.” Sieun whispered after a few minutes, his mind finally wracking up the right sounding words.
He felt Suho pull away again, moving his head. Sieun got the hint, pulling his head away from the crook of Suho’s neck and looking up at him.
This time, it was Suho who said nothing. It was Suho who pulled Sieun closer, tilting his head up with his hand and pressing their lips together. Sieun’s eyes fluttered shut, the butterflies swarming in his stomach as he kissed Suho.
He poured his heart out into the kiss, expressing himself with passion, and Suho was doing the same. Thank you.
Sieun let Suho deepen the kiss, not in a frenzy of lust or desperation, just pure emotion. There was no hot touches, or burning hands, just a comforting warmth in Sieun’s chest, a sweet tingling feeling in his body.
Sieun gripped Suho’s shirt, pulling him closer, another hand travelling to his hair. Suho gripped the smaller’s waist harder, tilting his head to access him better.
The two continued to kiss, safe inside the walls of the basketball club. Content and safe within eachother’s arms.
Suho pulled away first, a soft smile on his. He placed a peck on Sieun’s cheek, then forehead, nearly laughing as he watched Sieun flinch at the ticklish feeling.
“Fuck, I like you so much.” He laughed out, hands holding either side of Sieun’s face now. The elder’s boys eyes widened at the sudden confession.
It’s not like he didn’t know. Well, despite everything there was still a dazzle of confusion in Sieun’s mind. But hearing it then, a blinding smile on Suho’s face as he said the words ’i like you’ had Sieun’s heart beating fast. Pounding louder than it had when they were kissing.
“Yah, why do you look so confused. Do you not like me too, Yeon Sieun-shi? Don’t tell me you kiss all your friends like this.” Suho joked, tone teasingly seriously as he squished Sieun’s face in his hands.
The said boy groaned, grabbing at Suho’s wrists and releasing the grip from his face. Suho laughed aloud again, smile reaching his eyes fully. Sieun felt his cheeks flush and his ears burning. Why was it so hard to get the words out his throat? He knew he liked Suho. Anyone with eyes could see it. But for some reason the words were impossibly overwhelming to get out, and Sieun was desperate to just tell him, no, he liked him too.
Yet he just stared, watching as Suho continued to tease him with that big, stupid grin on his lips. Sieun didn’t need to say it out loud, it was like someone had strung stars in his eyes as he gazed longingly at the taller boy.
Yeon Sieun was undeniably in love. It seemed Ahn Suho knew this too, understanding Sieun’s silence like it was second nature.