Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

When he came back to himself, the battle was over, because he couldn’t hear a sound. No battlefield was ever this quiet unless they had already counted the dead and moved out. Maybe they had thought he was dead and left him behind. No, that was absurd. They identified and buried their dead, and well, he was the king. That had to count for something.

Besides, he noticed blearily, he was lying on a bed.

The battle was way over.

He came fully to consciousness in a state of utter panic. Had they defeated Morgenstern? Was he home, or was he a prisoner? And his family, his friends? He had to know what had happened. There was a lot to do.

His frenzy was abruptly cut down when he tried to sit up and his entire body became one single bright flare of pain. He cursed, tears coming to his eyes as he sunk back into his bed, almost wishing he hadn’t woken up at all. By the time his labored breath came back under his control, his mind disentangled itself a bit from its knots, and the faint rumor of a conversation floated to him from outside the room he was in.

His room. It was his bedroom.

And not a conversation. An argument.

“You will tell me what you did to him!”

Jace. Commanding, and angry, though how did he expect any cooperation from his interlocutor with that kind of tone, Alec didn’t know.

“I won’t tell you anything because there isn’t anything to tell.”

Especially if he was talking to Magnus. They were both healthy and lively enough to argue, a fact that immediately lightened the weight that was crushing his chest since he had come back to consciousness.

“This is your fault and I’ll prove it,” Jace went on. Alec could clearly see in his mind the warlock rolling his eyes, supremely unimpressed. He tried to rise once again and once again lost to the weakness of his body with a frustrated cry. It caught the attention of the two men who rushed in with wide eyes and a look of wonder on their faces.

“Hello,” Alec rasped, before understanding that talking was not the thing to do right now. His throat and mouth were as dry as if he had eaten sand, his lips cracked and stiff. It must have shown on his face because Jace was hovering in an instant with a cup of water and a worried but relieved look on his face. Magnus stayed a few feet away, but even if he kept a better hold on his expression he couldn’t hide he felt quite the same. Not to Alec anyway. Alec was pleased to see him, to see them both.

“Is everyone okay?” he asked as soon as he felt capable of talking without having a coughing fit. Jace’s face darkened.

“The battle was hard, and we lost many. But we won. Morgenstern got away but his troops surrendered. We’re okay. You’re okay.”

With that Alec could properly breathe again. There was a lot to do but at the very least the world hadn’t ended, he still had time. The future has seemed so closed off, just before the battle, like a heavy clouded sky blocking the sun, threatening and unpredictable.

The clouds had parted. Things would just be fine.

If Jace was kind enough to keep his knife away from Magnus’s throat.

Alec blamed his foggy brain, still altered by his sleep, because it took him an absurd amount of time to register what was happening. Jace had spun around in an instant to pin Magnus against the wall with the tip of his knife. The warlock’s lips were tightly shut, his eyes murderous and his body beyond tense, but he didn’t move an inch. Jace’s blade was close enough that it would pierce the skin if Magnus just breathed a little too deep.

“What is going on?” Alec asked with a pathetically weak voice, far from the demanding tone he wanted to use to diffuse this situation. The two men kept staring at each other and Jace talked to Magnus instead of him.

“Now that he’s awake what is keeping me from killing you?” he snarled.

“I am. Jace, back off. That’s an order.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying!” his brother exclaimed. His bladeless hand was clawing at Magnus’s shoulder to keep him in place and Alec didn’t miss the grimace of pain on Magnus’s face when Jace tightened his hold. “He’s the one responsible for this. It’s his fault you’ve been hurt. You almost died!”

“For the thousandth time, I didn’t do anything to him,” Magnus spit through gritted teeth. I’m the one who has kept him alive this past month, what sense does that make in your brilliant scenario?”

“Month?”

Alec became suddenly aware of the stiffness of his body, its weakness. When he looked outside to the main court he saw the trees lining the garden, saw that the green leaves he had last seen before leaving for the border where now turning bright red and orange, some floating softly in the wind and gathering on the ground.

It wasn’t possible.

“I don’t pretend to know what twisted plan you came up with. I just know that you made him your human shield and that he was hurt in order to protect you.”

“And he couldn’t have done that all by himself?”

“Now why would he have done that? See, you can’t answer!”

How? And how long? What had happened to him? What had happened to the others, to the country, while he was gone? Did they assume he was dead? Had they moved on, had they kept going without him? What was happening, how was it so, why?

His breath deserted his lungs and the room shrunk around him. He couldn’t move. It wasn’t possible. He felt like he had barely slept an hour, and yet… Why hadn’t they woken him up sooner? How was he even still alive?

Was he though?

“I don’t see why I am arguing with you again. You can’t do anything against me anyway. I am a member of the Council and they are less stupid than you. You can always take your concern again to them if you feel like making a fool of yourself once more.”

“I need no one’s permission to bleed you like a pig.”

Was he? The room suddenly seemed too bright to be real. It made sense that if he was in heaven he would wake up at home, with the people he loved. But why would they be arguing? He felt far away from them, like in a dream. He knew he couldn’t reach out to them even if he tried, his body wasn’t answering, his voice was gone.

Maybe this was hell.

He was desperately gasping for air. That was it. He was powerless and weak, left out of the march of the world, unable to communicate with it anymore. He was trapped in that bed. It was hell.

“Alexander!”

There were hands on his face and body, voices in his ear, but he couldn’t make out their words or recognize their faces. He didn’t know where he was, and he couldn’t breathe.

“Alec, it’s okay. You’re okay, everything is fine. You’re safe, we’re all safe, all is good. Calm down.”

He couldn’t. He was going to pass out, and it only worsened his panicked state because the last thing he wanted right now was to lose consciousness again. What if he slept another month, or longer? What if he didn’t wake up at all? He was never going to sleep again.

Just when he was starting to fade away, a sudden rush of warmth spread through his body from a radiating point of contact on his arms. It loosened his muscles and cleared his head, opened the cage circling his chest. He took a deep breath, his vision clearing.

“That’s it. That’s it.”

Alec followed Magnus’s soothing encouragements and found himself back in his room. Jace had gone at some point, maybe to find some help. Magnus was sitting by his side on the bed, and despite the relief and naked joy on his face, Alec couldn’t miss how tired he looked, worn out and drained like he hadn’t slept for a week. He saw the warlock’s hands glowing softly on his arm and understood to what he owed his newfound peace of mind.

“Are you alright?” he asked, because he knew how tiring magic could be and Magnus had to have used way too much to look so wrecked. The question only made him laugh though, a short, incredulous laugh.

“Alec, you took an arrow to the chest and nearly died. You’ve been asleep for weeks. If anyone should ask that, it’s me.”

Alec wanted to answer to his smile but he felt sick again. He couldn’t reconcile what he was hearing and how close the battle felt. He had absolutely no sense of the time that had gone by without him, and it was scaring him a great deal.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Magnus whispered soothingly, sensing his rising panic. “It’s alright now. You’re back. You had us so worried Alec, if you knew. Don’t ever do that again.”

Alec couldn’t answer anything to that without lying, so he chose to say nothing. He had done enough of false promises in his youth. Even if he came to appreciate over time how he kept some of them after all.

The moment was interrupted by the door bursting open and a small crowd suddenly filling his room. He recognized Catarina and Raphael and relaxed some more when he saw Izzy's face, damp with tears but illuminated by a bright smile. Before he could say a word he received the heavy weight of his little brother on his chest and…

“Max? What is… what are you doing here?”

He glared accusingly at his siblings – even if the circumstances were exceptional, it was foolish to let him out of his room like this, too risky. Izzy only smiled wider.

“It’s okay Alec. I’m okay now.”

Alec blinked at him. Reality was escaping him again, too much was happening at once. What did that even mean? Okay how?

Magnus’s hand on his arm worked its magic again, literally, but did nothing to alleviate his confusion.

“I’m healed,” Max said simply, casting a grateful, adoring look at Catarina, who was standing a few feet away.

“You woke up just in time Sir,” she said by way of a confirmation. “He has his first trip in town planned in a couple of days.”

Alec wished he could feel the delight and wonder he was supposed to at this news, but he could only manage dread. This was too good to be true. This was impossible. Life wasn’t good like this, that’s not how it worked.

Was it a trick? Some kind of torture, of punishment, of fantasy? There was nothing he could hold onto, nothing that could clue him into what was happening. They were all looking at him with open, happy faces, and he couldn’t believe it.

He felt beyond exhausted and the world didn’t make any sense.

“I think you should go back to sleep,” Magnus said suddenly. Alec felt split between gratitude and sheer terror – he didn’t want to sleep.

“No, I…”

“You’re not in any condition to deal with so much at the same time. It’s okay, Alec. Just a few hours of restful, normal sleep. Your body isn’t completely healed yet. It’s okay.

“No, no, please,” he pleaded to the warlock, oblivious to his audience. “Don’t, don’t make me, I don’t want to…” He didn’t care about any of them, about anything at all apart from staying awake. Magnus held his gaze with a heartbroken but determined look on his face as magic seeped into Alec's bone once more. He was overcome with panic, but only for a second. Enough to hear Magnus apologize and Jace protest angrily, before he sunk into a dreamless sleep.

.

Jace fitted exactly the type of people that Magnus couldn't stand, and normally, he wouldn't have minded head-butting him at every occasion. The man had been nothing but antagonizing from the very first day they had met, and it had only gotten worse after Alec had been injured. Magnus had made an effort to stay cordial for Alec's sake when they were attending meetings, but for the past month, nothing Jace had said or done had managed to stir any stronger feeling that distant annoyance in Magnus.

He had been consumed by worry, fear, guilt and regret, and there had been no place for anything else.

It didn't help that he was running so low on magic that he slept more than he was awake. Catarina was fretting worriedly over him, but she didn't try to talk him out of it – she was aware how fruitless it would have been, and had resolved to shoulder him when she could. But she had other duties – mainly, keeping the warlocks safe and tracking down those they had fought, to win them over to their side or deal with the threat they posed. The reason why Jace, despite all his threats, hadn’t made a move on Magnus yet, was her efficiency and commitment to eradicate enemy warlocks from their community. No ploy could take the sacrifices quite so far. They were the few among them to protest, but most of them were ready to pay the price for their place in the kingdom. Morgenstern's warlocks had made their choice – they were tracked down as were any of his men.

Magnus was far from it all. All he had done since the battle was staying by Alec's side, and try his hardest to keep him alive.

The first few days he had no time to think, about anything. Alec was so far gone, hope was so slim, it had been a constant battle just to keep his heart going. But then had come the wait, the longing, and Magnus had been left alone with his thoughts and regrets. Faced with the possibility that Alec would never wake, that Magnus would never be able to talk to him again, to tell him all.

Sitting next to Alec's bed, monitoring his vitals and waiting for him to wake again, he couldn't decide what he would say first.

Yell, maybe. Tell him how foolish he had been, ask him why, why, why. Why had he stepped in front of Magnus, what had possessed him to forfeit his life like that. The reason why he hadn't managed to convince Jace and those of similar mind that he hadn’t, in fact, manipulated Alec into protecting him, was because he couldn't for the life of him find another viable explanation. He had checked actually, but no, Alec hadn't been bewitched, no one had coerced him into taking an arrow for Magnus. Why had he done it then? A mystery still.

That would maybe finally be resolved, since Alec was starting to stir. Magnus was up and about in an instant, wishing to spare the man the confusion and anguish that had welcomed him the first time.

Alec's eyes flew open and he tried to rise, casting wild, panicked look around him. Magnus pushed gently on his shoulder to keep him down, making soothing noises.

"It's alright, it's alright. All is fine, you're safe. Stay down. It took quite a lot of work to bring you up to this point, I'd hate to see it all wasted."

Alec went willingly enough but he still looked lost. Magnus handed him some water that the young king gulped down eagerly.

"I saw Max in my room,” Alec said, a little out of breath. "Was it true? Or was it a dream? It was a dream wasn't it?"

"It wasn't a dream. Your family is safe, and we cured Max. It was the least we could do. You should have asked sooner."

"What happened d to me?"

"You don’t remember?"

Alec's face turned pensive, his brow furrowed in concentration. "I took an arrow to the chest."

He automatically looked down, like he expected to see the arrow still poking out. There were only clean bandages under his loose shirt. He made a little noise of surprise and Magnus quench the urge to kiss him.

"Why was I asleep for so long? How long exactly?" he asked, a hint of his earlier panic in his voice.

"Forty-four days. You almost died," Magnus said, trying and failing to sound clinical, detached, like he hadn't counted the day with increasing anxiety. "With regular medicine you wouldn't have made it. Only magic saved you, and even then it was a close call."

Alec didn't look as shocked by this as he should have.

"You almost died," Magnus repeated, because Alec had to understand that, had to take the full measure of what had happened, of the consequences of his actions.

"I have a lot to do," was all Alec answered with a pensive tone.

"What?"

"I have to resume my duties. I assume a lot has gone neglected in the midst of the conflict and with my absence. I have work to do."

Magnus gaped at him, long enough that Alec at least picked up that maybe he had said the wrong thing, but he didn't look like he got what it was. If Magnus had had any emotional reserves and energy left, he would have gotten angry.

Before he could get any reaction out though, they were yet again interrupted by Jace who made it a habit to ruin Magnus's life recently. Izzy was with him, looking long-suffering but happy nonetheless to see her oldest bother awake.

"Alexander! Are you alright?" Jace enquired with a distrustful look towards Magnus who just rolled his eyes.

"I am," Alec answered absentmindedly, still a bit out of it as his eyes traveled from Magnus to his siblings. Convinced enough that Alec was out of danger, Jace turned to Magnus with an angry frown on his face.

“So, can I arrest you now?”

.

Alec wasn't convinced at all that this wasn't just a dream, or the afterlife, so he didn't feel very involved in what was happening around him. He was just happy to look at his siblings, and at Magnus, to bask in the illusion that they were here with him.

Of course Jace had to ruin it.

"What?"

No one answered his interrogation, busy as they were holding an angry staring contest. Until Magnus made a dismissive move that had Jace pulled his sword at him. Alec had a terrible sense of deja-vu.

"Stop it right now. I'm serious," he said sternly, having no patience for Jace's bullshit.

"He almost killed you Alexander."

"I hear that he saved my life actually. What is wrong with you?"

"You jumped up in front of him Alec! This is why warlocks can't be trusted! He used you to protect himself."

It was still hard for Alec to feel connected to anything, so he couldn't really be blamed for bursting out in laughter. It was a bad idea too – not because it pissed the people present off, he couldn’t care less about that at the moment, but because he was reminded immediately that he had been, in fact, shot in the chest with an arrow. His laugh died down in a breathless groan of pain that at least had the merit to divert the other’s attention from their trifle.

"This is the most ridiculous things I've ever heard."

He expected to see Magnus agree with him, but was surprised to see the warlock looking worried and unsure. And he was the one to ask the next question, to Alec's bafflement.

"Why did you do it then?"

Alec could have laughed again if Magnus wasn't completely serious. All three of them were staring at him, and he had a feeling that the question had tortured them the whole time he was asleep.

"I don't... don't you know?" he asked Magnus helplessly because surely he had to know. He couldn't not know, how did that make any sense? Wasn't it obvious?

It wasn't, because Magnus only shook his head. Alec couldn't tell which one of them was the more eager to hear the great explanation as to why Alec had taken an arrow meant for Magnus.

What were they expecting really?

"I didn't think. I just... I...”

He couldn't say it. Not like this, not now. He'd waited all these years, and he'd wait some more. So he looked Magnus in the eyes and simply said, "I told you I couldn't watch you die."

Magnus looked like he'd been punched in the chest and it occurred to Alec that maybe he simply didn't remember. It had been more than ten years. What would their stupid teenage promises amount to now?

"What are you talking about?" Jace asked angrily at the same time Magnus let out a disbelieving "still?" in a shaky breath.

Alec hesitated. He wished his siblings weren’t here for this, and he had to think of what he would tell them. Right now he focused on Magnus.

"I never stopped. It's... nothing changed, for me. I still... Yeah. Still."

He didn’t give Magnus any time to answer that – now wasn’t the time anyway. He turned to Jace, his best scolding face on.

"This is nonsense and you should be ashamed of your behavior. Magnus didn't do anything to me, nor did anyone else. I acted on my own accord as I would have to protect you or Izzy, and there is no point in this seeing that magic saved me anyway. I won't hear anything more on that matter. Is that clear?"

War had not been kind on his determination not to play king on his family. Jace opened his mouth, a protest forming on his tongue.

"Is that clear?" Alec enforced, stopping him before he could get a word out. Jace was upset but he relented with a nasty glance to Magnus. Izzy just looked amused, if mildly worried and very curious.

This outburst was all Alec had in him though, and soon his rigid posture crumbled as he sunk back into his bed, exhausted and worn out. It brought matching expression of worries on all their faces and really, Jace and Magnus were alike in so many aspects, it was no wonder they couldn’t stand each other.

“I’ll rest now if it’s alright with you. I’m feeling a bit…”

He was asleep before he finished the sentence, no doubt making them worried sick.

He’d have to make it up to them, maybe.

.

The world had stopped making sense

Magnus had some certitudes. A lot of them, actually. And at the very top of that long list was the fact that when he was young, he had been foolish and in love, that it had ended tragically, and that there was nothing, ever, that could make it right again. He’d lost Alec. What they had, it was gone, up in flames, never to be salvaged. Alec became king, their path had separated, they were nothing to each other anymore.

He had been convinced of that. Right before the man had taken an arrow meant for him and almost died in the process.

He had been so confused at first that when Jace first accused him of bewitching Alec to protect him, Magnus had honestly had doubts. Maybe he had, unconsciously, maybe his magic had reacted to a threat and thrown Alec in front of him against his will. But as powerful as he was, he wasn’t a child anymore. His magic didn’t escape his control like that, especially not to save his own life. Catarina had accused him often enough of being too careless with his life and wellbeing, back when he was experimenting with his power and she had to patch him up almost weekly.

But how then? Why? He had tortured himself on the matter, pondering, wondering, simply refusing to consider the answer that made the most sense, the one thing he was desperate to avoid thinking about.

Of course Alec had no care for those preoccupations. He had confirmed what Magnus feared as soon as he’d been awake.

“Nothing changed for me.”

The words were too unreal for Magnus to wrap his head around them. How was he supposed to believe it? Ten years and a coronation later, how could Alec still…

“Yeah. Still.”

They had never said it out loud, back then. They had promised they wouldn’t fall in love, because it was impossible, and Magnus had always known he had made a lousy job at keeping this particular promise, but since they had never said it, he had convinced himself that it was only him. At best it was a teenage crush, something the prince would get over quickly enough. It was as much to comfort himself as to alleviate some of the guilt he felt. He had stayed angry and hateful for weeks, maybe months, before the agony of Ragnor’s death had receded to a painful, constant ache, before he had grown up and realized life wasn’t simple, or easy, and that Alec hadn’t been at fault.

But by the time he had resolved to go back to the forest, Alec had already stopped coming. It had been easy then to convince himself that it didn’t matter, that it was just a foolish mistake of their youth, that it didn’t mean anything. Even if he knew, of course, he knew how it had felt, what power yielded their bound, how strongly they were drawn to each other.

Alec was king, and Magnus was in hiding with the rest of the witches. It was easier to forget all about it.

“Don’t you know?”

Alec had never denied it, at least not to himself. It had stayed as obvious and natural to him as it had always been.

He had always been the bravest of the two.

.

When Alec opened his eyes again, they fell on Izzy fixing a chainmail on a chair by the bed.

She hadn’t noticed him waking, so he took a few moments to just look at her. Her nimble fingers were patiently fixing the twisted rings, replacing the ones that were too damaged. After a while she raised her eyes, probably to check on him, and almost dropped her work.

“Alexander! Finally.”

“Hey, Izzy. How are you?”

She rolled her eyes fondly and set aside the chainmail to come closer.

“You really ought to stop asking that as soon as you wake. You’re pissing everyone off.”

“How come?”

She shook her head, probably recognizing a lost cause when she saw one.

“How are you feeling?”

“In pain. I could eat a horse, although I’m not sure it would stay in my stomach. Tired still. Frustrated.”

“Frustrated?”

“I want to get out of here.”

He felt restless, unnerved. The room was dark, only the corner with the bed lit up by a few candles. There wasn’t even the light of torches coming from the window – it had to be quite late.

“I figured you’d want to make up for lost time. I brought you reports and the briefings of the last few weeks, if you’re interested.”

She pointed at his study desk which was disappearing under a frankly impressive amount of papers, letters and maps haphazardly piled on top of each other. She chuckled at his widening eyes.

“Maybe later,” he admitted, defeated.

“Of course.”

“Would you tell me though? Talk to me?”

“Don’t you want to sleep some more?”

“I can’t think of anything I’d want to do less.”

She seemed to understand where he was coming from and set up to talk to him about anything she could think of, from the aftermath of the battle to the gossips of the castle. Alec listened eagerly, fighting against his sleepiness to keep hearing her voice, soothing, and the news, encouraging. They had managed well in his absence and things were looking good, or as good as they could after an attempted putsch and subsequent conflicts.

She told him about Max, something he still had a hard time wrapping his head around. It had never come up before the battle because Alec didn’t want to give anyone the opportunity to say he was just using the witches for his own needs, but as soon as Catarina had heard about the boy, there was no stopping her. His condition was easily treatable, with magic. His life had started again, just like that.

"Of course he immediately took advantage of it. Now instead of spending his time reading in his room, he spends his time reading outside in the garden."

They laughed lightly, although it would still be some time until Alec could do that without hurting. The conversation drifted naturally toward the witches.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

Izzy smiled at him, quizzical. “About what?”

“About Magnus?”

“Ah. That.”

She looked away, looking guilty.

“Izzy?”

“I… I already knew.”

“What?”

He sat up in surprise and regretted it immediately. This was getting old. Why was he still hurting so much? He lied down, trying to reign on his frustration.

“What are you talking about?”

“Well… Back then you disappeared all the time under Clary and Simon’s nose. She was getting concerned about what you were doing, and she was scared they would be blamed and reprimanded for failing at their duties. I wanted to reassure her, and besides, I was dying of curiosity. So I followed you into the woods.”

Despite it being years ago, despite him being king and magic no longer being a crime, he felt rising inside him the same panic as if they had been discovered by his father back then. He had always kept it so close, hidden, secret, and all this time…

“I lost you, at some point, just as Simon and Clary always did. But I didn’t turn back, I just stayed at the exact same spot, waiting for you to reappear. I guess the place where you were meeting was hidden, but I saw you… part ways.”

Kiss, probably.

“You never said anything,” he stated.

“You didn’t either. I followed you behind your back. I figured if you wanted us to know, you would tell us. But you never did.”

“Did you recognize him, that first time at the meeting?”

“Yes. I persuaded Jace to leave it alone. But I never told him.”

“I… I swore to him, a long time ago, that I wouldn’t tell. Even after things fell apart, I never felt like breaking my words. I also didn’t want you to think I was doing what I was doing, with the magic wielder and the ban, just because of him.”

Izzy shook her head, looking sad, resigned.

“Alexander… why do you believe that being king forbid you from having personal feelings? Even if it was one of your motivations… It’s not a bad thing. You are allowed to have your own opinions and wishes.”

“I am king. I rule for the people, not for myself.”

“You are also a man, brother.”

He looked out the window so he could escape her watchful eyes. He doubted it, sometimes. His father had always ruled according to his own principles, his emotions and ideas, without listening to anyone. Alec had always been scared of doing the same. He had lost sleep over the repelling of the ban, trying to interrogate his own motivations, tracking down any hint of selfish reasoning.

“It doesn’t matter either way. It’s long gone now.”

“Is it though? You took an arrow for him brother. You almost died.”

“My feelings remain the same, I don’t deny it.”

“Then why don’t you do something about it?”

“He doesn’t… want… this, anymore.”

He doesn’t love, he doesn’t want me, anymore.

“How can you know?”

Alec thought about countless avoided gazes and aborted gestures, about Magnus pulling away, looking scared, lost, wary.

“He liked me as a boy, as just Alec, out there in the wood. I am king now. He doesn’t trust me. And I betrayed him.”

“Shouldn’t you ask him that though? Not everything is always on you.”

“If he seeks me out, I won’t turn him away, but I won’t come after him.”

“And what if he thinks exactly the same?”

Alec sighed deeply. This wasn’t a problem that could be solved just like that, and he didn’t like things he couldn’t control, couldn’t fix.

“Let’s talk about all this paperwork, shall we?”

She accepted the change of discussion, even if he had no doubt she’d come back to it eventually.

.

Alec was finally able to sleep and stay awake at regular hours, and he could even keep down food as long as he didn’t stuff his face, but he still couldn’t take more than a few steps out of his bed without exhausting himself and awakening general pain. Because he was lucky like that, the arrow had been charged with magic and had wrecked his body enough that it would probably take months for him to be fully recovered.

That didn’t stop the diplomatic procession to begin.

He didn’t have the luxury of waiting, and everyone was of course eager to present their wishes of well-being and seeing for themselves in what shape the king truly was. Between councils, updates on what he had missed and sitting through courtesy visits, he spent his days talking to people and feeling perfectly stupid, bedridden and weak in front of officials and strangers. He couldn’t wait to get out of that room.

Someone knocked on the door again and he was awfully tempted to just send them to hell, but the door opened on Catarina, and he relaxed minutely. At least she wasn’t here to talk his ear off on trivial matters – or so he hoped.

“I came to check up on you and your condition, but I can come back later if you wish,” she said with that gentle, soft voice of hers. He wondered if she infused it with some kind of magic – he always felt immediately more at peace when he heard it.

“It’s alright. Please come in.”

There was a lingering awkwardness between them that he didn’t know how to deal with. She took care of his injuries, touched and probed at him, but she was still reserved toward him. At the same time, she was close to Magnus, and the way she looked at him sometimes made him very aware of that fact.

“Sorry it’s me again today,” she commented lightly. “Magnus is… busy.”

He didn’t miss the hesitation, nor the hint of exasperation in her voice, and he knew it was a lie. He hadn’t seen Magnus again since the second time he’d been awake. Catarina had been the one to take care of his convalescence, Magnus always inexplicably busy, out of the castle or even out of town.

“If he doesn’t want to see me, I won’t force him. There’s no need for excuses.”

Catarina cast him a scrutinizing look that had him fighting the urge to hide. He always had the impression that she could read him like an open book.

“You two really deserve each other,” she sighed, hands on his chest to change his bandages. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing that Magnus wasn’t the one to do it.

“Did you talk to my sister?” he asked playfully.

“Maybe I did,” she answered in kind, a gentle smile softening her worried expression. “I’ll tell him to come see you. I’ll drag him here if I have to.”

“It’s not necessary.”

“Sir. I think it is.”

She looked stern all of the sudden, firm and determined, and he spared a sympathetic thought for Magnus, who would have to deal with this. She wouldn’t budge, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted her to.

“Thank you.” He did want to see Magnus. If only because… well, he simply missed him. Seeing him would be enough. Alec wasn’t demanding.

“If he doesn’t come,” she said after working a few moments in silence, “it’s because he doesn’t think you want to see him.”

“I always want to,” he said without thinking. She looked surprised and he avoided her gaze, blushing lightly. He needed to control his running mouth better. She chuckled.

“How is he?” he asked, unable and unwilling to resist enquiring.

“Fine, better. He exhausted himself beyond his limits, but he’s recovering just fine.

“I would like to at least apologize. It’s my fault he’s in that state.”

“Please don’t start playing the blame game with him. You won’t see an end to it.”

“What?”

“He’s eaten away by guilt, over what happened to you.”

“It was my choice.”

“And it was his to put all his power and energy into saving you. You have to get past this.”

He shrugged helplessly. She wasn’t wrong, but it was easier said than done. He wanted Magnus safe, sound and happy, wanted to see him smile, laugh, talk with his hand gesturing wildly like he used to.

“It’s beautiful.”

Alec jolted out of his thoughts. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking guilty. “I’m an empath, I can get in tune with other people’s feelings, especially if they are… so strong, and pure. What you feel for him, it’s beautiful.”

He ducked his head, embarrassed.

“Did he tell you about it?”

“Only vaguely, but I got the idea, from his own emotions. And the first time we came, when you saw him…”

She let the sentence hang, but he could easily picture what she was talking about.

“You have no idea… Oh well, I guess you do. How it felt to see him again. I had no way of knowing if he was alive or dead, if he had left, if he was safe. He didn’t have the same worry – after all, had something happened to me, he would have known right away. But I was clueless. I could only hope, and then…”

It was humiliating, to think that she had been privy to such a moment, that it had been strong enough that she had felt it, but it wasn’t surprising.

“Knowing is enough, to me. If he’s safe, out of harm, and happy… it’s enough.”

“Have you ever been told that you should be more selfish?”

“Often, from my sister.”

He was aware of it at least, even if he couldn’t do much about it. Izzy longed for the day when he would put his needs above those of everyone else, but she didn’t have much hope.

“You’re healing up nicely,” she said, tactfully leaving the conversation behind. “I think by next week you’ll be clear to get out of bed.”

“I can’t wait.”

.

“You have to talk to him.”

Magnus let go of the glass jar he was holding and only his magic and quick reflexes prevented it from shattering on the ground and spilling tree sap all over the wooden floor. He turned an accusing glare at Catarina, but hers was far stronger.

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s waiting.”

“He’s not.”

“He told me.”

He went back to his task, aligning the jars and bottles on the shelves of the shop with manic precision, the way Ragnor had always done. How had the man kept the shop so well organized while his living quarters were an unescapable clutter would forever remain a great mystery to all.

“Can’t you leave it alone?” he asked, knowing full well there was no way she would.

“It has to stop Magnus. Go talk to him. What are you afraid of?”

He was going to tell her off but something stopped him. She meant well, but she didn’t know. She couldn’t understand.

“I’m afraid he’ll hate me.”

“He won’t.”

“You don’t know what happened between us. I hurt him.”

“You’re hurting him now. Don’t you think it’s time, Magnus? To stop making penance, and start making amend?”

Was Alec really suffering from his behavior? That was the last thing Magnus wanted. And yet he wasn’t sure if he was able to face him.

He was too angry.

.

The worst part of this was probably that Alec didn’t even get it.

He didn’t get why they were trying to stop him from getting up and resuming his duties. He didn’t know why they looked at him with sad, concerned eyes, why they got so haunted when they stared at the bandages covering his chest.

He certainly didn’t get why Magnus was angry with him.

Because he didn’t think he had done anything wrong. He had no regrets. He would do it all over again if need be.

Magnus couldn’t bear that, and Alec didn’t understand.

“Isabelle, would you please stop fussing over me? I am fine. Leave me alone.”

Magnus had been wondering who, between himself and the king’s sister would snap at him first. Judging by the icy silence that descended over the room, it seemed like it was going to be her.

“I could murder you right now you know that?”

They hadn’t noticed Magus hovering at the door – he retreated slowly to the corridor in order not to be seen, but he stayed close enough to hear what they were saying. He could imagine Alec confused and mildly offended face. How could he be so dense was beyond them all.

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re the worst idiot this world has ever seen! Is it so hard for you to show the bare minimum of consideration and understanding for our feelings?”

“What are you talking about…”

“YOU COULD HAVE DIED. Do you get that? Died! For days, for days we didn’t know if you would make it. You would have been dead Alexander, six feet underground, gone for good? We would have been left without you.”

“Succession is not a problem anymore you know.”

“Of for the love of…”

Her voice broke in a frustrated sob.

“Why would you even say that? I’m your sister. Do you think I care about that? Do you think that’s what it is about? You being king? So what, you have an heir so you’re disposable? How can you even say such things?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I give up, you’re hopeless. I have to get out of here or I’m going to strangle you. Stay in your fucking bed.”

And with that, she made quite the dramatic exit and almost ran straight into Magnus. Her eyes were shining and her fists were tightly closed, anger, frustration and worry battling each other in her body.

“You try and talk some sense into him, I’m done,” she snarled before storming away. He entered the room.

Alec had left his bed, of course he had, but he wasn’t sitting at his desk and bent over some paper like Magnus had assumed. He was leaning on the frame of the window, looking at what was happening in the courtyard. He looked far better now but he still tired easily, and the people around him fought in turn to keep him from overexerting himself. He found it most annoying.

Alec liked to post himself there when he was taking a break and needed to think. Magnus joined him.

“I don’t get her.”

“I know. That’s the problem.”

“Please, not you, too.”

Magnus made an effort to keep his rising temper in check.

“Alec. You know they would mourn you if you were gone, right? They would be devastated. They would miss you terribly.”

The man frowned, clearly confused by this line of questioning. “I guess they would, for a while.”

“They would be hurt if you disappeared,” Magnus insisted, feeling that Alec was missing the point. “They love and care about you, they want you to be okay. They’re trying to look after you. So that you don’t fade away.”

“I understand that. But we are at war and I’m the king. That’s just how things are, it’s not my fault.”

"You can't blame us for trying to help you with this though. You’re only human. You can’t shoulder it all.”

Alec’s frown deepened as if Magnus had insulted him.

“I damn well can and I will if I want to.”

"Now you just sound petty."

“Why is she angry with me? It’s not like I got stabbed on purpose.”

They would go back to that, Magnus thought, because he kind of did.

“It’s not about that. She’s angry that you refuse to take better care of yourself.”

Alec pouted. It was strangely endearing to note that he could be as childish as he was when he was younger.

“I know that they worry about me but I… I can’t afford to stay idle. I don’t mean to hurt them even more than I already did, but they know better. I can’t appear weak and there is so much to do.”

Alec really, truly didn’t get it. He didn’t get why they were on edge. He didn’t know.

“Why can’t you just take care of yourself?”

“I am, just…”

“You know, what Isabelle can’t stomach is how little you seem to care about your own life.”

It was easier to talk about the girl’s feeling than his own. They were similar enough anyway.

“It’s not that… that I don’t care,” Alec said, uncertain, sensing Magnus was losing his calm rapidly. “But there are more… important… things?”

At least he had the good sense of looking unsure about it.

“Like what exactly?”

“Like…”

Alec didn’t have an answer. Of course he didn’t, since he valued approximately everything more than himself. And he wondered why he angered the people who cared about him.

“Did you need something?” Alec asked. Magnus stared at him blankly. Was that… was that the least subtle change of conversation in the history of humankind? Sometimes he was convinced that Alexander the diplomat king and Alec the idiot mess were two distinct people.

“We need to talk,” he said patiently. Alec made a face.

“Do we have to?”

Magnus wanted to scream.

“You don’t think so?”

Alec shrugged, but he must have read something on Magnus’s face because he quickly amended. “I… guess?”

“For crying out loud Alec, you…”

Magnus was cut abruptly by Alec’s hands which came to rest around his neck in a desperate attempt to soothe him. Magnus shivered, because his hands were cold, not because of a touch he’d been craving for years. Alec looked dead serious all of the sudden, staring at Magnus with that unsettling focus of his. He had to bent a little to look at Magnus in the eyes – he had gotten absurdly tall over the years.

“I couldn’t watch you die, Magnus,” he said softly, his tone suggesting that it should have been obvious.

“That’s my line,” Magnus answered with a strangled voice. Alec chuckled lightly.

“I’m sorry for worrying you all. Truly, I am. But I don’t regret anything.”

“I do. I do. We never even talked. We didn’t say a thing, and you still…”

“I would do it again. I would save you every time.”

“I still owed you for the last time.”

It was the closest they had ever been to talking about the elephant in the room, the subject they had carefully ignored, as they stayed purposefully vague about what had happened between them.

“I would save you every time,” Alec repeated.

“But why, how? After what happened, what I told you…”

“I never hold it against you. You were hurting and I couldn’t help.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I knew it, and still…”

“We were only young Magnus. It’s not a crime.”

“Isn’t it?”

Wasn’t it, a crime? To be young and foolish, to be so careless, so ignorant?

“I missed you so much, Alec.”

Alec looked surprised, to Magnus’s puzzlement. Surely that had to be obvious, right?

“You mean… you still…”

It occurred to Magnus then, in a bright flash of self-revelation, that Alec didn’t know about that either. Alec had poured his heart out in front of witnesses, but Magnus hadn’t answered, hadn’t said a thing. That… that idiot still doubted.

“We’re such fools,” Magnus muttered mostly to himself. He breached the distance between them in one swift motion.

It felt like coming home.

Magnus had realized one day that he didn’t remember their last kiss. It wasn’t surprising – at the time they had separated after another encounter like they always did, they couldn’t have known what tragedy was coming their way, how badly the next time they would see each other would go. He had despaired that he would never get to kiss the boy again and that he couldn’t even recall the last time he had.

It didn’t matter now.

Alec’s hands were still cupping his neck. His own clung to Alec’s shirt at his sides and he pressed forward so that maybe he could disappear into his embrace and make a home there. All the tension accumulated, all the anger and fear, the pain and the regrets, it was all fading away, dissolving into the heat of their bodies finally crashing again.

“Don’t ever do that again Alec,” Magnus mumbled against his lips.

“What, kiss you?” Alec joked. Magnus was not amused.

“Risk your life like that. I’m serious. You can’t do that to me.”

Alec moved backward so that their eyes could meet. He looked apologetic but also determined, unyielding. “You know I can’t promise you that.”

Magnus sighed heavily and let his forehead fall against Alec’s chest. “Yeah. I know.”

Alec wrapped his arms tightly around him and they took the time to just enjoy this, for a little while.

.

Alec suddenly found a very useful purpose to his injuries and abused the excuses that he was tired and needed to rest to sneak around with Magnus. Magnus hadn’t had that much fun in years. They were both terribly busy and couldn’t meet that often but it was still more than they use to have when they were young. He would have felt bad for stealing Alec away from his duties like that, but he had decided that they both deserved it.

Life resumed it’s normal course, as much as it could. Alec welcomed the witches at the Council and in his Court, this time for purely diplomatic reasons now that war was all but a distant memory. Jace had faced down Morgenstern in an altercation a few towns over, and no one could confirm his story that he had killed the man purely on self-defense, but no one really cared either. It was one less thing to worry about, and Magnus would take any of those, considering how little sleep Alec was getting already.

Alec didn’t tell his siblings about Magnus, and Magnus didn’t spell it out to his friends either. Izzy and Catarina probably knew anyway, but they respected their privacy, as they always had. There was no real reason for it, they just felt like keeping this to himself for a while longer. As long as no one knew, their relationship concerned only Alec and Magnus, not King Alexander and High Warlock Magnus Bane, and they would keep it this way as long as they could.

Magnus came by the castle often enough on council duty, and Alec had discovered a perfectly good excuse to go downtown himself to visit him – Max was definitely and irrevocably in love with the witches.

Magnus understood that the boy had always shown interest in their craft, and now that there was neither law nor his health in his way, he could express it fully. Meaning he could hang around Magnus’s shop all day and go with Catarina on her nursing tours around town. He was even picking some things up, according to her friends. It was no surprise that his latent magical ability hadn’t been discovered until now, considering his childhood. There was no stopping him now. Magnus liked the teenager. He was full of life and curiosity and didn’t have a single mean bone in his body. After years confined to his room, the whole world was a wonder to him, and Magnus found his enthusiasm and energy very refreshing.

Alec and Max’s frequent trips to town gave Jace headaches but it’s not like he was going to refuse his younger brother anything. He just had Simon and Clary stalking them at all times, recognized that Magnus was indeed more than capable of protecting them both, and had to be content with that. He was the only one Magnus really worried about when it came to his relationship with Alec. They were polite with each other but there were few chances that they would ever truly get along. The boy was just too annoying.

So Magnus would enjoy hiding from that mother hen for as long as he could.

At least, that was the plan, until one day in the beginning of spring, the door to Alec’s room burst open as they were making out by the window.

“Alexander, we need to…”

Magnus made to get away but Alec tightened his grip just enough to keep him in place. He turned an annoyed expression towards Jace who was choking on his breath by the door.

“Can it wait a little?” he asked, unfazed, as if his brother hadn’t just walked in on him making out with a witch in his study.

“Yeah,” Jace said, disgruntled, after a brief moment where he probably debated whether to make a scene or not. He slammed the door shut hard enough to tip an empty inkbottle on a nearby shelf.

“You’re mean to him,” Magnus chastised lightly.

“He has the worst timing,” Alec answered, fighting a smile. He grew serious again when he looked back at Magnus. “Is… Is this okay though?”

“What?”

“He’s going to talk. Worse, he’s going to demand some kind of explanation.”

“And what will you say to him?”

It’s when he was embarrassed that Alec looked the most like the boy he once was.

“I was thinking of telling him that this is all good and proper courtship. If… if you agree to it.”

Count on Alec to do it the noble way.

“You know you don’t need to court me. I’m already all yours.”

For some reason, it sounded much more heartfelt than he had intended. Alec’s answer was no less serious, even if he was steadily blushing more and more.

“I still do.”

Magnus didn’t know what to answer to that, so he elected to kiss him again instead.

.

Alec knew that sooner or later his siblings would ambush him, but he did his best to avoid them anyway.

Izzy had more or less given up on lecturing him, stating that since he was happy for once, she would let him have some peace. Max was just ecstatic, having grown very fond of Magnus, even if he still preferred Catarina, to the man’s great dismay. The boy insisted he already knew, but seeing how he was gossiping about it now, it was hard to believe he had kept it to himself until then.

As for Jace, he wasn’t getting over it at all.

“You won’t get away this time!”

Alec raised his head from the reports he was pouring over to cast a confused look at Jace and Izzy blocking the door of his study. Magnus was sitting on one of the armchairs, comparing a list of magical items requested by some witches, to the list of supplies he already had in stock.

Jace caste them a suspicious glance, as if he’d been expecting to find them all over each other (again). They were actually working for once, and on a trend too. The interruption was annoying.

“What do you want Jace?” Alec sighed, deciding to play dumb just to rile him up. He could be petty and stubborn too.

“I want you to explain this,” Jace answered, pointing at Alec and Magnus alternately.

“Well you see, when two people like each other very much…”

“Don’t mock me Alexander. I want to know where that came from and what the hell you are thinking!”

Alec stood up, his good mood evaporating. Izzy had the good sense to stay back as he walked over to Jace, a displeased look on his face.

“Don’t talk to me like that. And I don’t owe you a thing. What relationship I engage into is none of your damn business.”

Jace was taken aback by the sudden change of tone, but he wasn’t ready to let it go.

“You… you can’t blame us for being concerned.”

“Don’t drag me into this,” Izzy chipped by his side. Jace ignored her.

“We know nothing about him or his intentions, how can you just trust him like that?”

“I told you we met a long time ago, and if you weren’t such an asshole I would have just told you that story.”

“So it’s my fault now? He’s a witch!”

“Is that the best you can do?”

“I am in charge of your safety, Sir, excuse me if I’m a little concerned about who gets into the king’s pants!”

“I’m touched by your solicitude,” Alec snarled sarcastically. “I know you already had him checked anyway, and you didn’t find anything compromising or you would be dangling it to my face already. So what’s the problem then? Other than you not liking him?”

“That’s not… it doesn’t… He’s just a commoner!”

Now that was low. Jace seemed to sense he had said something stupid, but before he could take it back, Alec, who was getting fed up with the conversation, let his anger talk for him and said without thinking, “well he won’t be once I’m married to him.”

A sudden and very awkward silence fell over the room. Alec was frozen in place, clinging to the hope that maybe Magnus had somehow left the room during their argument and wasn’t there anymore. He didn’t dare turn toward him to confirm it.

“I… I mean, it’s…”

He decided that it was better if he just stopped talking.

“You’re not serious right?” Jace asked, incredulous. And maybe the timing was terrible and it was the worst possible way of doing this, but Alec couldn’t take back those words either. It certainly wasn’t how this was supposed to happen, but it wasn’t a lie either. It wasn’t in his habit to shy away from the truth. So he stood a little taller and glared at Jace, determined, daring.

“I am. Even if we’re not there yet… I am.”

He turned to face Magnus then, because it was about them after all. The man was obviously taken aback, but he didn’t look like he wanted to run away. That was a win. Alec opened his mouth, but he couldn’t find anything to say. Magnus beat him to it.

“Why are you so adamant on making me cry?”

They smiled dumbly at each other, their audience forgotten. Alec reached out to take Magnus’s hand and used it to pull him into his embrace.

“What have I done,” Jace lamented. Izzy only laughed.