DontOffendTheBees
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Recent works
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something unholy (getting hot at the body shop) by artemisadore, DontOffendTheBees
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
01 Jul 2026
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Summary
“It certainly would mean a great deal to me if you were to take Charles in.”
Thomas heaves a sigh and waves his hand in the air dismissively. “Yeah, sure. Fine. Whatever. But if you two are some sort of deranged serial-killing duo, at least promise to make the crime scene photos cinematic, m’kay? I want the Netflix true crime doc about us to stay in the Top 10 for weeks.”
Edwin’s answering look is wry, but not displeased. In fact, it's unfortunately rather hot. “Is that a yes?”
“Yes,” Thomas agrees before he can think better of it.
“Good,” Edwin declares, standing abruptly. “Because he’s waiting outside.”
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Mechanic Thomas King is surprised when one of his regulars, beautiful and bitchy Edwin Payne, shows up on his doorstep asking for a favor — his best friend, Charles Rowland, is in need of a job and a place to crash after being kicked out by his old man.
Unfortunately for Thomas, he has never been very good at saying no to a pretty face, let alone two.
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The Great Escape Debacle of 2025 by artemisadore, dearheartdont, DontOffendTheBees, ghostinthelibrary, m_erlin_s, Nigg, zilia
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
19 Oct 2025
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Summary
When Charles and Edwin find themselves in a strange place with no recollection of how they got there and no immediate means of escape, each room they enter presents them with a completely new mystery. They have to find a way to escape while navigating what each room reveals about their friendship.
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OR: a potion week collab between 15 authors and artists. Each author wrote a different chapter and was paired with an artist who made art for their chapter. -
A Heart’s A Heavy Burden by dear_monday, DontOffendTheBees, two_ravens
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
24 Aug 2025
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Summary
The Wizard King’s reputation preceded him wherever he went, wherever the roaming form of his impossible moving castle carried him. His was a reputation drenched in blood and carnality, in licentious desires and grisly ends. A reputation of dangerous beauty, intoxicating charm; of a smile sharp when it grinned into the bright young faces of hapless townspeople, and sharper still when it sank into their chests to taste their beating hearts.
A chilling little story, to be sure, and a concerning one to have slunk its way to their doorstep, but Edwin wasn’t overly worried about it.
After all, the Wizard King only ate the hearts of the pretty ones.
He was Edwin Payne of Payne & Sons Bespoke Tailoring; he was always and only of Payne & Sons. Such was his station in life, a role he himself was tailor-made for. A role he fit like a drab but finely-crafted glove. And so it went—until the day a wizard and a witch conspired to turn his tidy little life upside down.
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Third Contact of a Brief, yet Significant Eclipse by DontOffendTheBees for dear_monday
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
01 Feb 2025
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Summary
July 21st 1969.
Edwin, eyelids fluttering shut, yields to his gravity. Lips sealed over lips, Edwin opens, and Thomas fills him with his air, his smoke, that thick, heady tang, passed from mouth to mouth. Edwin draws it steadily into his lungs, a smile teasing the corners of his mouth at the thought of how he would have coughed it back into Thomas’ face when they first made their acquaintance. He doesn’t partake on his own time, but he has long learned to embrace the little luxuries Thomas brings into his life for what they are to him; gifts from far-off lands. Be it South America, Spain, or simply the streets of Soho; each as distant as the next to Edwin, holed up in his esoteric bunker.
“Mm.” Thomas breaks away with a sigh. “Sounds like you're screwed.”
Edwin exhales, eyes flickering open to watch the smoke curl from their lips to the ceiling. Mingling amongst the garlanded string-lights Thomas had conjured into being with a snap of his fingers for 'mood lighting', blurring them, swirling them. Their own little galaxy. He plucks the joint from Thomas’ fingertips, neatly, and tucks it between his own lips with a sly smile. “I certainly hope to be.”
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
A wedding night in which two virgins discover that the distance between theory and practice is, in this particular arena, catastrophic — and that it does not matter in the slightest.
Series
- Part 1 of A Course of Study
Bookmarked by DontOffendTheBees
29 Jun 2026
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Cunk on Fangs by beemovieerotica
Fandoms: Cunk on Earth (TV), Interview with the Vampire (TV 2022)
18 Mar 2025
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Summary
Philomena Cunk interviews the vampire.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,985
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 779
- Kudos:
- 6,193
- Bookmarks:
- 1,669
- Hits:
- 69,474
Bookmarked by DontOffendTheBees
25 May 2026
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Summary
Rimmer pressed his lips together in a bitter smile. “Might I remind you that this whole dire situation is your fault?”
“What, the coronavirus?” said Lister.
“No, you idiot, us getting evicted,” said Rimmer. “If it wasn’t for you we’d have two whole bedrooms right now. I could have got a hotplate and a chemical toilet and sealed myself in.”
“Hey, hang on,” said Lister. “I got us evicted? You’re the one who told Mr Hollister about Frankenstein.”
“I wouldn’t have had to tell our landlord that you were in breach of our lease if you hadn’t been in breach of our lease,” Rimmer snapped. “Really, you –”
Reluctant flatmates Lister and Rimmer are forced to move into a one bedroom flat after getting evicted. Unfortunately, it's early 2020 and what was supposed to be a temporary situation drags on. And on...
In which Lister won't stop bringing home new flatmates, Holly communicates exclusively via Zoom call, Kryten bakes bread, the Cat bedazzles a lot of face masks, Rimmer hoards toilet paper, and everyone learns some things about themselves.
Bookmarked by DontOffendTheBees
07 May 2026
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The Proof of Love by T_Etherington
Fandom Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Young Sherlock (TV 2026)
24 Apr 2026
- Words:
- 22,927
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 16
Bookmarked by DontOffendTheBees
14 Apr 2026
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Comparisons by Jennistar
Fandoms: Young Sherlock (TV 2026), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
24 Mar 2026
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Summary
James Moriarty had slept with two Holmeses in one week. He was going to hell.
Bookmarked by DontOffendTheBees
26 Mar 2026