eatsomegood
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Summary
Five years into to the war, the Order is pulling ahead after ages of drastically losing. Draco Malfoy notices. He wants in. He offers himself as a double agent, but the Order requests more. They've created a new spell that binds two people's magical cores together in order to make a nearly unbeatable pair of duelists.
Draco agrees to bind himself to the person most compatible with his magical core. Even if it is Hermione Granger.
Series
- Part 1 of NQDM Universe
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Summary
She wore that Granger expression, the one that said she was going to bully someone into something. Draco had a bad feeling it was about to be him. “I’ll marry you,” Hermione said.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not doing it for free. I marry you, then after a year we divorce and you agree to fund S.P.E.A.M.B. In perpetuity.”
“Out of the question.”
“It’s just one year. We would both get what we want.”
“Contracted marriages require consummation,” he said, adding a leer for good measure.
Granger had gotten more attractive since their Hogwarts days, he would give her that much. Her jumper was atrocious, though. He had half a mind to burn it.
To his everlasting shock, she merely shrugged. “It’s just sex. I’ve had it before and I presume you have too.”
She was utterly serious. Draco stared at her and contemplated being married to her. She was irritating and he might make her promise to never wear that jumper again, but it was better than the alternative.
Draco would do just about anything to avoid being poor.
“You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
“Then congratulations, Granger. You've got yourself a husband.”
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“It’s called This or That, Granger. I’m sure you’ll pick it up quick.”
She glowered at him. “It’s called Would You Rather and it’s a Muggle game, you prat.”
He made a one-arm gesture of acceptance. “Fine, Granger. Would you rather…” He assessed her then smirked. “Have someone use their hands to give you a back massage or an orgasm?”
She got the sense he expected her to blush at the word. She stared at him, frustration mounting that he was being so juvenile and making their project take longer than it needed to.
“Can’t decide?” He quipped when she was still staring at him.
“Back massage,” she snapped. “I can’t do that myself.”
He chuckled. “Can’t do either of them yourself, but perhaps you’re too pure to know that. Pity not in the way that matters.”
Now she looked up. “What?”
———
Or where Malfoy thinks women don’t masturbate and Hermione cannot abide ignorance.
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Summary
Hermione has everything figured out. Sex is like food. Club nights are far too expensive. And men belong in the category of 'things that are more faff than they're worth'. You know, like hair straightening charms, lingerie, and mathematical integration.
This is a story about food and sex, though not at the same time.
Winner of best fluff, best smut, and runner-up for best use of prompt in the Dramione Fanfiction Forum's 2020 'Sounds Like Dramione' comp.Series
- Part 1 of Smutty Dramione Rom-Coms
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Summary
"I don't want your pity, Granger," he seethes. "I'm still in your debt. I haven't made amends yet."
"Oh, so you're planning to?" she asks more cheekily than she is feeling.
Malfoy's eyes flash as if she had challenged him to a duel.
"Is there something you need? Just say the word and I'll give it to you. Or do you prefer actions? I'm willing to do fucking anything..."
Hermione's heart is beating indecently fast. She masks her fascination with a sceptically raised eyebrow.
"Anything," she echoes.
"Anything," he confirms.
"All right, then. For starters, I'd like you to stop crowding me against this bookshelf."
Series
- Part 1 of Anything Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 111,100
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 2,094
- Kudos:
- 3,523
- Bookmarks:
- 1,157
- Hits:
- 121,578
Bookmarked by eatsomegood
03 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
缓慢的燃烧到我最后的尖叫！！！！太短了根本不够看啊！！！！！！！最喜欢的是结尾围上🐍的围巾再改横幅到最后踏上扫帚，啊啊啊啊啊真的不要太浪漫了55555