1 - 20 of 37 Bookmarks by eatsomegood
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Five years into to the war, the Order is pulling ahead after ages of drastically losing. Draco Malfoy notices. He wants in. He offers himself as a double agent, but the Order requests more. They've created a new spell that binds two people's magical cores together in order to make a nearly unbeatable pair of duelists.
Draco agrees to bind himself to the person most compatible with his magical core. Even if it is Hermione Granger.
Series
- Part 1 of NQDM Universe
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She wore that Granger expression, the one that said she was going to bully someone into something. Draco had a bad feeling it was about to be him. “I’ll marry you,” Hermione said.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not doing it for free. I marry you, then after a year we divorce and you agree to fund S.P.E.A.M.B. In perpetuity.”
“Out of the question.”
“It’s just one year. We would both get what we want.”
“Contracted marriages require consummation,” he said, adding a leer for good measure.
Granger had gotten more attractive since their Hogwarts days, he would give her that much. Her jumper was atrocious, though. He had half a mind to burn it.
To his everlasting shock, she merely shrugged. “It’s just sex. I’ve had it before and I presume you have too.”
She was utterly serious. Draco stared at her and contemplated being married to her. She was irritating and he might make her promise to never wear that jumper again, but it was better than the alternative.
Draco would do just about anything to avoid being poor.
“You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
“Then congratulations, Granger. You've got yourself a husband.”
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“It’s called This or That, Granger. I’m sure you’ll pick it up quick.”
She glowered at him. “It’s called Would You Rather and it’s a Muggle game, you prat.”
He made a one-arm gesture of acceptance. “Fine, Granger. Would you rather…” He assessed her then smirked. “Have someone use their hands to give you a back massage or an orgasm?”
She got the sense he expected her to blush at the word. She stared at him, frustration mounting that he was being so juvenile and making their project take longer than it needed to.
“Can’t decide?” He quipped when she was still staring at him.
“Back massage,” she snapped. “I can’t do that myself.”
He chuckled. “Can’t do either of them yourself, but perhaps you’re too pure to know that. Pity not in the way that matters.”
Now she looked up. “What?”
———
Or where Malfoy thinks women don’t masturbate and Hermione cannot abide ignorance.
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Summary
Hermione has everything figured out. Sex is like food. Club nights are far too expensive. And men belong in the category of 'things that are more faff than they're worth'. You know, like hair straightening charms, lingerie, and mathematical integration.
This is a story about food and sex, though not at the same time.
Winner of best fluff, best smut, and runner-up for best use of prompt in the Dramione Fanfiction Forum's 2020 'Sounds Like Dramione' comp.Series
- Part 1 of Smutty Dramione Rom-Coms
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"I don't want your pity, Granger," he seethes. "I'm still in your debt. I haven't made amends yet."
"Oh, so you're planning to?" she asks more cheekily than she is feeling.
Malfoy's eyes flash as if she had challenged him to a duel.
"Is there something you need? Just say the word and I'll give it to you. Or do you prefer actions? I'm willing to do fucking anything..."
Hermione's heart is beating indecently fast. She masks her fascination with a sceptically raised eyebrow.
"Anything," she echoes.
"Anything," he confirms.
"All right, then. For starters, I'd like you to stop crowding me against this bookshelf."
Series
- Part 1 of Anything Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 111,100
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 2,097
- Kudos:
- 3,527
- Bookmarks:
- 1,157
- Hits:
- 121,843
Bookmarked by eatsomegood
03 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
缓慢的燃烧到我最后的尖叫！！！！太短了根本不够看啊！！！！！！！最喜欢的是结尾围上🐍的围巾再改横幅到最后踏上扫帚，啊啊啊啊啊真的不要太浪漫了55555
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Summary
Years after the war, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy meet again—not in battle, but in the slow, uncertain peace that follows it. She builds bridges between nations; he hunts the shadows that threaten to undo them.
What begins as courtesy becomes conversation, and conversation becomes something neither of them expected: the quiet rediscovery of what it means to be seen.
Through years of distance, return, and the ordinary miracle of a shared life, they learn what the war never taught them—how to speak the language of staying.
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Caput Mortuum: A useless substance left over from a chemical operation and the epitome of decline and decay, literally ‘dead head’ or ‘worthless remains’. A dark purple pigment.
Lucius Malfoy is the Minister for Magic, after The Order was unable to remain in power post-War. Draco Malfoy is the powerless figurehead of his father’s new regime. Banned from doing nearly everything (except the occasional topless photo shoot to cover up the more unsavoury aspects of Lucius’ plans), he has lost all hope for a better world. But Hermione Granger has just been captured and brought back to The Manor. And instead of being afraid, she looks like this is exactly where she wants to be. After years of apathy, Draco realises that he wants to know why.
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*** NOW COMPLETE ***
**2025 Reddit Top Dramione**
Nominated:
Best Dark AU'sThe Malfoys’ have always been blood purists, that truth is undeniable. Draco, however, has never cared for the purity of lineage. His obsession is far more intimate, far more consuming. To Draco, true purity lies in Hermione Granger. He worships her unblemished soul, her untouchable body, and her obstinate defiance that no man has ever been worthy to tame.
When the Snatchers drag her into Malfoy Manor, the opportunity to claim her purity is placed at his feet like an offering to the gods. Hermione Granger, bound and bloodied, becomes his to claim. For in Draco’s mind, there is no one else as pure as her, and no one else deserving but him. Touch her, and you die. Deny him, and he will set the world aflame.
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An accident in the Department of Mysteries leaves Hermione Granger stranded in a world not quite her own, her only companion the unknowable Draco Malfoy. Together, they learn who they truly are by virtue of who they could have been.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 116,972
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 20
- Comments:
- 1,737
- Kudos:
- 4,771
- Bookmarks:
- 2,367
- Hits:
- 237,157
Bookmarked by eatsomegood
07 Oct 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
作者功底太强了，从头到尾都是水到渠成的美，特别喜欢作者对平行世界的其他德赫充满无限希冀的表达，有一种从跳出了小说写出了读者心声的感觉，能读到这样的佳作真的很幸运
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Hermione believes that every problem has a solution, and that solution can be found in a book. That is, until Draco starts sitting to her right every Friday. She has no answers until help comes in the form of an unlikely source: Ron Weasley.
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Draco Malfoy had the perfect plan: use Polyjuice to turn into the Weasel, infiltrate Gryffindor tower, and steal the memories implicating his father. But the Golden Girl had to ruin everything by kissing him. Now Draco's developed a strange addiction for bushy-haired know-it-all mudbloods, and nothing but the best will do.
Series
- Part 1 of Brand New World
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 278,596
- Chapters:
- 72/72
- Collections:
- 28
- Comments:
- 1,937
- Kudos:
- 7,499
- Bookmarks:
- 3,456
- Hits:
- 539,033
Bookmarked by eatsomegood
17 Apr 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
我只想说我看到五十多章，剧情真的很严丝合缝，尽管有为剧情掉智商的情节，但不影响精彩程度，有非常多的反转！
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After buying Hermione Granger at an auction, Draco planned to make her call him Master Malfoy, force her to orgasm, and then he’d throw her out the next morning.
But the irritating swot always managed to surprise him.
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Небольшое одолжение by ArcaneKinkFest, KiraSova
Fandoms: Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021)
11 Jan 2025
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Summary
После всех сомнений и метаний Кейтлин решила, что это будет самым лучшим решением...
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Hermione celebrates Rowena's birthday with the Ravenclaws. On her way back to Gryffindor Tower, she stumbles into a patrolling Professor Snape. Can the dour professor resist his drunk, delectable student?
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He gazed at their colleagues, saying softly to himself: "I've never felt young." Then his sharp eyes focused on her, and he grimaced. "You, Miss Granger, are obviously still very young. Didn't your parents tell you it is rude to comment on people's appearances?"
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The war might be over, but the happily ever after seems to be a long time coming. As Hermione returns to Hogwarts as an apprentice one year after the war, the Ministry struggles to contain the Death Eaters running rampant throughout the country.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 112,787
- Chapters:
- 22/22
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 788
- Kudos:
- 3,205
- Bookmarks:
- 526
- Hits:
- 86,668
Bookmarked by eatsomegood
17 Jan 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
我真的要疯了。简直是《好色的黑魔王-斯内普版本》，邪恶如他面对小赫也还是会陷入爱情的漩涡里呀ww加上其实我认为前期纵情性色的食死徒内部是很科学的，毕竟一堆邪恶的人待在一起就是如此，但随地大小硬的教授真的很搞笑也很性感。最后一章的结论也是很完美，fdm就是太霸权输在太自私了！！！
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Hermione is cursed by the Death Eaters, and Dumbledore believes Professor Snape is the only one who can help her and keep her safe. Hermione is 18 years old in this story, but she is still a student. ~Winner, Rd 3 SSHG Awards, Best PWP and Runner-Up for Best Epic/Saga.~ ~Winner Rd 3 Quill to Parchment for Best Fanon Het, Best AU, Best WIP!~
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 146,763
- Chapters:
- 28/28
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 533
- Kudos:
- 2,963
- Bookmarks:
- 864
- Hits:
- 97,518
Bookmarked by eatsomegood
16 Jan 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
为肉而来，为爱离开😭谢谢伟大的作者，二人世界的部分全部全部都无懈可击，一般看到大量的肉都会跳过，但是这篇完全不会，把所有的肉都能写的如此特别，真的很伟大。虽然看到snp家人那章被震到，但发现我真的太习惯理所当然，snp有家人这件事才应该令人哭泣，他值得所有的幸福！！！
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A series of vile messages begin appearing on the stone walls of Hogwarts.
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500 points from Gryffindor! The largest single point deduction in Hogwarts history. Headmaster Snape is determined to make Hermione Granger earn the points back . . . the hard way. But the big question is 'Why?'
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“Jesus,” he blurted. “What—?”
“Sorry, sorry,” she interrupted, closing her eyes and pressing a hand to her forehead. “I just…sorry, give me a second to clear my head.”
She refused to explain why the first thing he’d seen when entering her mind was a rather vivid recollection of her last masturbation session. How embarrassing. She thought about walking in a forest – the least sexy thing she could think of – and then doubled down by picturing herself in the Quidditch stands at Hogwarts. In the rain. In January.
“Okay.” She exhaled and met his eyes again. “Okay, it’s safe now. Go ahead.”
He looked dubious but raised his wand and spoke the incantation again.
---
Or, Hermione can't remember an important piece of intel and so Draco is assigned to help find it.
Series
- Part 1 of Try Not To Come
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Summary
“Or you’ll die. Really.”
Hermione put all the derision she was capable of projecting colour those words, allowing it to just hang in the air.
“Granger, you have no idea the impact those periwinkle ruffles had on me,” Draco said defensively, before immediately looking at his feet again — the bloody coward.
She scoffed. “Ha! I think you saw your first exposed collarbone and it broke your brain.”
Blaise turned to Draco. “I mean, she’s not wrong, mate. That’s basically what happened.”
“Shut it, Zabini. Granger, I realise I’m not your favourite person and I understand why this is hard for you to accept —”
“You just told me you made an Unbreakable Vow in bloody fourth year — something that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass over here helped with — that you would have sex with me before you graduated from Hogwarts. And now if you don’t shag me in the next few days, you'll die. Not just sex with someone, full stop, mind you. It has to be sex with me. Muggle-born, notorious swot and insufferable know-it-all Hermione Jean Granger. Me.”
Draco swallowed. “Yes. It has to be you.”
“I call bullshit.”
8th Year Fuck or Die AU. Enjoy!