1 - 20 of 22 Bookmarks by fukdepression
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Four years after the beetle probes reach Earth, the internet inadvertently gets ahold of the Hail Mary’s video logs.
Chaos reigns.
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The TikTok account appeared on a rainy Thursday evening with a simple green icon and the bio “Keep up with the Bats”. It was one of hundreds of similar accounts, which usually did nothing more than show blurry pictures of vigilantes and tell dramatic stories in voice-over. There was nothing about it that stood out.
Except for one thing.
Oracle.
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The Batkids bully Batman into letting them have a TikTok account. It goes about as well as you'd expect.Series
- Part 2 of Bat Socials
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Occupational Benefit by Bergen
Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
08 Mar 2025
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"A witch popped out of a rabbit hole in Central Park," Tony says. "Sorceress. Evil person. She was making inanimate objects come to life, there’s still trash cans running around Central Park, throwing beer cans at citizens, probably, Rhodey is wrangling them. Because with that suit of his, the hope is the trash cans might be persuaded to think of him as their supreme leader, or perhaps mother duck.”
Her impatience is making a rapid comeback. “Stick to the medically relevant information, please.”
“Kid says he was hit by a truth spell.”
“Yes,” Peter says. “I was hit by a truth spell.” -
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Ferret shifter Jason Todd is scoping out a picnic. He needs food, and he sees plenty of it just over there. All he has to do is take it.
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Bruce shows up at Selina's apartment after being exposed to a toxin and an antidote. He is...not handling either well. Fortunately, Selina is kind of a nice person and won't tease him about it later...too much.
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A Disclaimer From Your Friendly Neighborhood Oracle:
The following is a transcript of Patrol Communications Audio written by state of the art transcription technology, IRIS (Interpretation of Recorded Intelligence Software). IRIS was created to provide easily searchable records, automatically, and eliminate the need to transcribe each patrol audio log manually. That being said, IRIS is still experimental, and may not always be entirely accurate.
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(01:25) Red Hood: (Mild static) (Out of breath, slurred) You motherfuckers. Put some fuckin-Batman: (Shaking) Red Hood-
Red Hood: Shut up. Put some fucking respect. On my name. Start fucking copying me. I just got thrown fucking. Um. 40 feet. Into a fucking uh. What's it. Ditch. I'm still fucking conscious.
Batman: Red Hood, do not move, we're en route-
Red Hood: What'll I win if I stand up.
Batman: (Loud) Do not stand up.
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- Part 1 of IRIS Logs
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If anyone asked the Batfamily which Robin had the funniest ’joining the family’ story? Well, everyone would start with, “Well it seemed like Jason had the spot taken for good after having the audacity to try and jack the Batmobile’s tires and hit Bruce with his tire iron.” And then they’d say, “But then tiny Tim decided to try and steal the whole thing.”
Or: When Tim is 11 he figures it’s not hurting anyone if he. Ya know. Takes a picture in the Batmobile. But then the power goes to his head and all of a sudden he’s hacking the Batmobile and tearing through Gotham on a rescue mission.
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- Part 1 of Enter Road-Runner
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And Other Hazards of Heroism by Kieron_ODuibhir
Fandoms: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Superman - All Media Types, DCU
14 Feb 2016
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He heard the chime of his dash comm and hit the activation button reflexively, before realizing what a bad idea it was at present. “This is Bat Wayne. I mean, Bruce Man. No. Shit.” If the treacherous device hadn’t been part of the car he would probably have gotten up and thrown it in the bay. Despite the fact that that would do the opposite of help.
“Uhm,” said the voice of his caller. “Exactly how bad is this concussion? You aren’t driving, are you?”
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Jason beats up his replacement and figures that that’s that. Unfortunately, he has no idea how vindictive a benched Robin can be.
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After you’ve known Matches Malone long enough, you get used to him telling you about his kids. Not that his kids know about it.
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- Part 16 of Stephanie Brown Works
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“It occurs to me,” Steph said, slowly and precisely, “That we may have made a mistake.”
(Dick is unfailingly relentless, Jason doesn’t know what mercy is, and together they’re unstoppable.)
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- Part 3 of siblings being siblings
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“Sorry, Jaylad,” Bruce said, sounding not sorry at all, the bastard, “but I am vengeance.”
Jason twisted his neck just so Bruce could get the full force of his incredulous stare. “Are you fucking kidding me.”
Bruce grinned. “Afraid not.”
Jason didn’t have time to do anything other than yell one final “Fuck!” before he was flung bodily into the pool.
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Batstream by RandomReader13 for Ginevra_Benci, MousesizeDragon
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types
06 Feb 2022
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“I want it on record that I think this is a terrible idea and I’m only doing this to mitigate the damage."
AKA
Red Robin decides it's a great idea to livestream patrol while Batman's off-world. It goes about as well as you'd expect.Series
- Part 1 of Bat Socials
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“Gotham! I am here tonight to show you the hideous face of 'truth' and its destructive power to tear apart even the closest of bonds! We’re all held together only by illusions and lies, and the ‘truth’ dissolves them all." The new villain Veritas turned towards Bruce, syringe out and pointed towards the arm chained to his podium.“NOW! Under the compulsion of the serum, expose your true feelings: Tell the world what you hate the most about: Nightwing.”
Dick froze—every argument, every accusation thrown between the two running through his mind. He wasn’t sure if he could take it—to hear it spoken truthfully and directly. Hearing all of Bruce’s hatred, contempt, and disappointment in him poured out not just in a heated yelling match in the cave but in front of Damian, in front of the whole world.
Bruce coughed, blood flicking from his lips from a failed attempt to bite his tongue, and Dick hung his head in resignation. It was at least nice to know Bruce wasn’t eager to dump out his true feelings.
“His suit.” Bruce choked, and the room went silent.
AKA: This is just a fun little thing. Bruce loves his kids so much
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“Here,” Jason says, passing the tray over to Damian. “Go bring Dick this.”
Damian redirects his scowl, but the furrow in his brow looks more curious than angry now. “What is it?”
“Papanasi,” he answers. “It’s, uh. It’s something his family used to make.”
Damian accepts the tray, holding it as carefully as he would delicate electronics. “And this will…make him happy?”
He doesn’t laugh at him. “Nah, kid,” he says wearily. “He’s not going to be happy until he knows his family is safe. But it’ll help.”
The smaller boy clambers down from the stool, taking care not to drop the dessert as he does. He hesitates on his way out of the kitchen. “I…am looking forward to Drake’s safe return,” he says.
Jason snorts. “For Grayson’s sake, yeah, yeah.”
“Yes,” he says, shifting on his feet. “For Grayson’s sake.” Another beat, and finally he pads out of the room, very seriously balancing the tray that looks ridiculously large in his small arms.
***
The ransom call comes the following morning.
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When Dick’s siblings learn he was never actually adopted by Bruce they attempt the most logical option. A
parentsibling trap.--
Red Hood: is N… adopted?
Oracle: I’m pretty sure you all know whether or not you’re B’s bio-kids
RR: no like… did he /get/ adopted?
Oracle: 1 sec
Oracle: Holy shit
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Bake It Just Right by DawnsEternalLight for neptance
Fandoms: Batman (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
18 Nov 2020
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Worry over loved ones can make people do all kinds of things. Some bury themselves in work, some hover by beds worried, and Jason Todd? Sometimes he stress bakes.
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- Part 6 of Comfortember 2020
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them's the breaks by takingoffmyshoes for bowditch
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
12 Dec 2022
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Bruce was sick. He was handling it. No one else needed to get involved.
In a just world, these statements would be considered neither controversial nor grounds to roast him into oblivion. Unfortunately, this was not a just world.
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- Part 11 of CEC Shorts
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The Startling Secret Identity of The Batman by Nokomis
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
06 Mar 2021
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Good evening, super-sleuths! Boy, do we have a treat for you today. We’re delving into one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of the modern era. The million-dollar question. The billion-dollar question, if one of these theories holds water.
That’s right. We’re gonna risk life, limb and sanity by asking the question… who is The Batman?
[In-universe Buzzfeed Unsolved accidentally stumbles on Batman’s secret identity. The Batfam reacts.]
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Damian took a huge bite of the toast, still glowering, and Jason carefully did not mention how that made him look like a baby chipmunk.
Adorable. Could probably kill him a hundred different ways, but still. Adorable.
(His first mistake was feeding them.)
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- Part 5 of siblings being siblings