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Marriage, Murder, and Other Misfortunes by Spookyandcooky
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Feb 2026
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Summary
Five years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the wizarding world is what you might call “a godsdamned mess.” The population is dwindling, the economy is suffering, and Hermione Granger has decided to pursue an arranged marriage—but only so she can be nominated to the antiquated Wizengamot, of course. After all, the Wizengamot is ignoring the world’s problems, and Hermione is determined to fix them. Granted, she never expected to be matched with Draco sodding Malfoy—the newest DMLE consultant who wears his Azkaban tattoos as proudly as his childhood sneer. But admittedly, between the turbulence of her farcical relationship, corrupt politicians, and a serial killer on the loose, nothing in Hermione’s life is going according to plan. Maybe hate sex with her husband will help?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 249,286
- Chapters:
- 35/38
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,392
- Kudos:
- 5,196
- Bookmarks:
- 3,769
- Hits:
- 481,648
Bookmarked by threadsortales
07 Jun 2026
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Summary
This series follows Hermione and Draco as they begin their friends-with-benefits situation when Hermione drunkenly agrees to take Draco's virginity in The Sex Agenda. From there, in The Dating Plan, it follows the relationship woes and trials and tribulations of trying to date your best friend and colleague, while also navigating meddling mothers and house-elves and some Pureblood courtship rules.
The Virgin Method is Draco's full POV to TSA (the sex agenda).
Each fic is designed to be read either together or independently. You can go into TDP with no prior knowledge needed, but recommended.
However, in order to experience the full fic, I would suggest reading TSA (Hermione's POV) before TVM (Draco's POV).
- Words:
- 508,622
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 90
Bookmarked by threadsortales
05 Jun 2026
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- Words:
- 91,977
- Works:
- 8
- Bookmarks:
- 58
Bookmarked by threadsortales
05 Jun 2026
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Summary
When Pansy Parkinson finds herself with a baby on the way, a marriage contract torn to pieces, and abandoned by the lover that never truly loved her, she has no idea what to do. She's now the shame of her family and the favorite topic of conversation among the Pureblood gossips.
The last thing she expected was a letter from Neville Longbottom offering to marry her and raise the child as his own.
Leaving the excitement of London and Pureblood society behind for the quiet simplicity of a Yorkshire farm and quirky wizarding village is quite the culture shock. But it isn't just the change in scenery that surprises Pansy. Somehow the bullied boy she remembers from Hogwarts has grown into a handsome, confident man.
Could this become more than just a marriage of convenience? Can Pansy's broken heart be mended? Could Neville really be happy with a witch like her?
With a little magic anything is possible.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,819
- Chapters:
- 14/20
- Comments:
- 425
- Kudos:
- 514
- Bookmarks:
- 223
- Hits:
- 16,321
Bookmarked by threadsortales
12 May 2026
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Summary
Draco likes a midnight spliff. He chain-smokes and has glasses that he absolutely doesn't need.
Harry is a mess, angry at the world and finding comfort in all of the wrong places.When Draco's late-night smoke is interrupted by a barefoot Harry wandering the grounds, their story truly begins.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,028
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 426
- Kudos:
- 1,199
- Bookmarks:
- 413
- Hits:
- 34,216
Bookmarked by threadsortales
29 Apr 2026
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Summary
Draco Malfoy had been sentenced to a life in Azkaban after the war, and had resigned himself to that fate. That was until Hermione Granger showed up one day with his release papers in hand and informed him that they were being forced to wed under the new Marriage Law saying she was going to let him live his life as he saw fit, with no expectations or conditions.
He had always been told he had made all the wrong choices, but truth be told, Draco Malfoy never really had a choice at all. Not in how he was raised, what he was told to believe. Not in how he was required to carry himself. Not in taking the Dark Mark. Not in his first mission as a slave to the Dark Lord. Not in what would happen in his future.
Hermione Granger was now giving him choices over his own life, and he wouldn't fuck it up.
Bookmarked by threadsortales
28 Apr 2026
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Summary
“Hermione, these are your vitals. Your body is shutting down because you have been abusing it with too much stress. The department has decided on six weeks of remunerated leave for you to heal mind and body. Luckily, Charlie Weasley runs a rehabilitation program in Romania–”
“With the dragons?”
“Yes,” he snarled. “You are going. End of story. This isn’t a suggestion–it’s an order. And if you refuse it, you will be fired.”Or:
Cowboy-coded Draco Malfoy helps burnout-City Girl Hermione Granger find her balance while tending to Dragons in Romania.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,828
- Chapters:
- 1/6
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 86
- Kudos:
- 421
- Bookmarks:
- 232
- Hits:
- 9,830
Bookmarked by threadsortales
20 Apr 2026
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Draco Malfoy’s Ledger of Perceived Slights by MagicOrMayhem
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
23 Mar 2026
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Summary
VOTED 'TOP 10 FIC OF 2026' by DRAMIONEUNCENSORED
Voted 'Stand Out' in 6 categories >> Best Draco, Best Hermione, Best New Fic Completed in 2026, Best Smut, Soulmates/Magical Bonds & Hogwarts Era
Draco Malfoy is back at Hogwarts for eighth year.
Unfortunately for him, so is Hermione Granger.
So, during potion’s class—as Hermione flies through Advanced N.E.W.T-level Potions work—Draco makes lists, reminding himself of all the reasons he hates her…
And maybe a few reasons he doesn’t.
__________________________
Tiktok + Instagram: @magicormayhem
PODFIC by Candlelight_Narrations may be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84266046
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 194,353
- Chapters:
- 43/43
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 1,279
- Kudos:
- 1,995
- Bookmarks:
- 1,166
- Hits:
- 132,094
Bookmarked by threadsortales
06 Apr 2026
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Harry Potter was the Chosen One, and Neville Longbottom was the boy no one chose. Then Neville defied Voldemort, killed Nagini, and took down Greyback. Neville came out of the war different: You won’t get a rise out of him but you will get a reaction.
After a tumultuous trauma bond with Luna Lovegood and a failed engagement to Hannah Abbott, Neville has sworn off relationships—only to be paired with Pansy Parkinson under the Reconciliation Act. Neville’s running a nursery, guest lecturing in the Hogwarts Herbology Department, and hunting down Death Eaters with Seamus Finnigan, Alicia Spinnet, George Weasley, and the mercenaries Bill Weasley befriended while raiding tombs for Gringotts. He doesn’t need a Slytherin wife whose best mates are Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Or does he? When he and Pansy prove extremely sexually compatible, Neville must confront his own questions about love, trust, and vulnerability—just as the revival of blood supremacy and a renewed veneration of Bellatrix have strange new bedfellows seeking him out.
Featuring sex, violence, and poisonous plants, DIRTY, FLIRTY, AND VINDICTIVE takes place during BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC with flashbacks to Neville’s life between 1998 and 2003.
Series
- Part 2 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 172,892
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Comments:
- 5,747
- Kudos:
- 4,047
- Bookmarks:
- 1,296
- Hits:
- 192,791
Bookmarked by threadsortales
26 Mar 2026
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Summary
It’s not until she’s brought a basil and strawberry sponge cake to Neville Longbottom and his new girlfriend, Hannah Abbott, a dozen rhubarb hand-pies to Luna and Xenophilius Lovegood, and another basket of ganache-covered muffins to Dean and Seamus, that Hermione admits to herself what she’s actually doing: she’s making a thing of this. It’s a veritable PTSD tour. With pastries. And hand-skimmed clotted cream. And she has no idea why she’s doing it, but it’s becoming very apparent that she is.
Sometimes you're sad. Sometimes you need dessert. And sometimes, it's a little of both.
Series
- Part 1 of Apple Pies and Other Amends Universe
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 76,720
- Chapters:
- 29/29
- Collections:
- 103
- Comments:
- 2,351
- Kudos:
- 20,887
- Bookmarks:
- 8,657
- Hits:
- 667,764
Bookmarked by threadsortales
18 Mar 2026
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Summary
She wore that Granger expression, the one that said she was going to bully someone into something. Draco had a bad feeling it was about to be him. “I’ll marry you,” Hermione said.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not doing it for free. I marry you, then after a year we divorce and you agree to fund S.P.E.A.M.B. In perpetuity.”
“Out of the question.”
“It’s just one year. We would both get what we want.”
“Contracted marriages require consummation,” he said, adding a leer for good measure.
Granger had gotten more attractive since their Hogwarts days, he would give her that much. Her jumper was atrocious, though. He had half a mind to burn it.
To his everlasting shock, she merely shrugged. “It’s just sex. I’ve had it before and I presume you have too.”
She was utterly serious. Draco stared at her and contemplated being married to her. She was irritating and he might make her promise to never wear that jumper again, but it was better than the alternative.
Draco would do just about anything to avoid being poor.
“You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
“Then congratulations, Granger. You've got yourself a husband.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 49,105
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Comments:
- 1,912
- Kudos:
- 11,339
- Bookmarks:
- 3,024
- Hits:
- 321,658
Bookmarked by threadsortales
16 Mar 2026
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
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Summary
Hermione Granger had been asked—and agreed—to do many absurd things since learning she was a witch, usually involving Harry Potter. This long list included, in no particular order, smuggling baby dragons, being placed unconscious at the bottom of a lake surrounded by merpeople, and traveling back in time to fly an escaped convict to safety on the back of a mythical creature. But returning to a Death Eater-controlled Hogwarts pretending to be Daphne Greengrass may have been the most ridiculous yet.
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Slow burn, wartime Dramione. Complete.
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Summary
When Hermione finds a way to bring Sirius back from the veil, her actions change the rest of the war. Little does she know her spell restoring him to life provokes magic she doesn't understand and sets her on a path that ends with a Time-Turner.
Series
- Part 1 of DoT!verse
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Summary
To truly know someone is to differentiate between who they once were, who they are now, and who they're capable of being. Hermione realises the duality of one man as she rectifies what she knows of the past and begins to understand the pieces of who Draco Malfoy is now: a father, a son, and a man.
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Public Bookmark 911
Mystery Work
Part of mightbewriting fic archive
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
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Public Bookmark 562
Mystery Work
Part of mightbewriting fic archive
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
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Public Bookmark 5094
Mystery Work
Part of mightbewriting fic archive
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
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Tags
Summary
When there's a significant drop in the magical population, stressed Unspeakable Hermione Granger finds the answer. The Wizengamot threatens a Marriage Law unless a temporary Procreation Bill can make them see reason. Fortunately for Hermione, her chosen spouse knows how to work out all of her tension.
Beta Love: raviesnake, fncmullin, RavenclawMidwife, LadyParongsny