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“I just—Max, it’s so hard to—imagine a parent and kid who actually ... love each other.”
It’s silent for a moment, and Ash thinks that Max agrees with him. Of course, Max must have realized that Ash is right, and that he is too fucked up to raise a kid. But then—
“What about you and me?” Max says quietly.
“W-what?”
Afraid of himself, Ash asks Max for advice on the idea of him and Eiji adopting a kid.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
01 Jul 2026
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"We can think about putting a label on this when things are ... not like ... this."
Ash's expression hardens. "Like what, Shorter?" he demands. Shit.
"I just mean—"
"They'll always be like this. I'm not getting out, okay? That's not going to happen. You can tell me these stupidly sweet words all you want, but it's not true, and you know it. So is it too much to ask for? For me to just ... have ... have you, even though the rest of my life is like that?"
"Ash—"
"I'm always going to be fucked up!" Ash is glaring again, and now Shorter is about to cry. "I'm never going to get better, or—or whatever, and my life is always going to look like this, and I've come to fucking accept that. I guess I was just hoping that you would love me anyway."
Ash tells Shorter that he's in love with him.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
01 Jul 2026
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We will stay with you. Now and forever. by chaos101
Fandoms: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
13 Sep 2021
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He wants to believe that Eiji is like Shorter, and wouldn’t be interested in hurting him, but what are the chances that the world would let Ash meet two people like that?
Ash can pay his gang back by protecting them from the other gangs of New York, but he hasn’t done anything for Eiji or Shorter. He hasn’t paid his fucking dues.
And trying to sleep next to the two of them in a fucking motel room is a stark reminder of that.
It’s odd, lying here between them—it would be the perfect opportunity to pay them back, if only they would let him.
Ash slips out of the motel room on the way to Los Angeles, but Eiji and Shorter won't let him be alone with his thoughts.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
01 Jul 2026
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Ash laughs, a little—a lot—bitter. “It’s too bad I’m fucked up, yeah? A face like this, a brain like mine, a body—I mean—I could have been someone.”
“You are someone, Ash,” Eiji whispers. “And that has nothing to do with your intelligence or your appearance.”
Ash doesn’t respond.
Sometimes all it takes is a word or a touch to hurt. Sometimes all it takes is a word or a touch to heal.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
30 Jun 2026
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“You can wake me up,” Shorter says quickly. “If you have another nightmare. You can wake me up. I don’t mind, okay?”
Doesn’t mind because it means Ash will owe him later? Or ... ?
Ash takes a deep breath, trying not to think about that right now. He doesn’t want to owe Shorter—to owe anyone—but when he’s crying and crying and screaming from the nightmares and the memories and Shorter is there, it’s impossible to not reach for him. To not beg for Shorter and cry out his name and plead with the universe to please, please, just this once, have mercy.
Please.
Be kind to me.
Pain, friendship, love, and their intersection.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
29 Jun 2026
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I'm hard to love, but I want you to love me. by chaos101
Fandoms: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
03 Oct 2021
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“You were willing to sacrifice everything for me, once, and now you don’t have to.”
A memory flashes through Ash’s mind—of holding a gun to his own head and pulling the trigger, no hesitation. And he sits there, head on Eiji’s shoulder, with the knowledge that he would do it again in a heartbeat.
“Yeah,” Ash whispers. “I’m ... glad I don’t have to. Anymore.”
Eiji is silent for a moment, and Ash knows he’s doomed.
“Fuck,” he whispers.
Eiji explains that there's more to love than sacrifice.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
28 Jun 2026
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“It’s just—what I do. I hurt people, or I—just fucking—pleasure them. Those are my only two talents.”
“I do not think that is true.” He leans against Ash again, and stays there this time. Ash doesn’t pull away. “I think that you are talented at love, too.”
Ash scoffs. “Only one kind of love.”
“That is not what I mean,” Eiji says sadly, “and you know it.”
“What do you think love is, Eiji?” Ash demands. “This? What we have, here?”
Eiji wakes Ash up from a nightmare, and they discuss what they mean to each other.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
28 Jun 2026
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No more sacrifices. I want us both to live. by chaos101
Fandoms: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
29 Sep 2021
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So it’s okay to die here, right? It’s not ... suicide. Not really. Not when the person dying is someone who never should have existed in the first place. It’s just putting the universe back in order. Taking a thorn out of the side of Lady Luck or Mother Earth or God or whatever the fuck kind of deity you pray to when your soulmate was shot and all you want in the world is for him to survive instead of you.
And he does.
And you don’t.
And it’s okay.
Everything is as it should be.
Ash survives, too.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
28 Jun 2026
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This had to be a dream. Ah, and that crunch from earlier—did he punch, no, did he break Arthur’s nose? Is he stupid?
“I am not stupid.” Eiji answered, annoyance lacing his tone. The trees were clearing, a road splitting nature. “W-well, maybe.”
Bookmarked by xCheechx
25 Jun 2026
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More often than not, Eiji hears the heartbreaking sounds of Ash’s nightmares but he can't bring himself to do anything about it. This is not one of those nights. Eiji comforts Ash after a nightmare and they have a heart-to-heart. Eiji doesn't know how to react when Ash insists they sleep together.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
23 Jun 2026
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Shorter answers the door, looking less surprised to see Ash than he should.
“Hey,” Ash mutters, looking down at his feet. “Uh—”
“Go upstairs,” Shorter says immediately, but his voice is soft. “My room. I’ll clock out in a second. I’ll tell Nadia it’s an emergency.”
It isn’t, but Ash is always an emergency to Shorter.
Ash is still learning what friendship looks like, and what trust is.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
08 Jun 2026
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“Resilient, right?” Shorter agrees. Eiji reaches down and takes one of Ash’s hands. “and he’s smart too.”
Eiji nods “He’s so smart.” Ash isn’t outright crying, but his face feels wet. “The smartest person I know.”
Alternatively: an Ash Lynx fan club meeting
Bookmarked by xCheechx
07 Jun 2026
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There is a future. Whether you believe in it or not. by chaos101
Fandoms: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
10 Aug 2021
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Ash looks up at Max with tear filled eyes and he’s a kid, he’s a child, he’s an eighteen year old who never got the chance to be an eight year old, and everything about everything breaks Max’s heart.
“Max ...” Ash whines. “I—I just—”
Max wants to comfort Ash in any way he knows how, but he doesn’t know how. Ash might be his son just as much as Michael, but they need different things. Max can’t just scoop Ash into his arms and coo and hold him and rock him back and forth until he falls asleep. Max can’t tuck him in and read him a bedtime story and hope that it keeps the nightmares away. He can’t protect Ash, because it’s too late for that. The type of protection that Ash needs is from his own mind, and Max doesn’t know if he can provide that. Not really.
But he’s going to try.
A father and a son talk.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
06 Jun 2026
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Eiji’s looking out over the small body of water, but Ash couldn’t care less about such things. He’s lived on the coast all his life—whether it’s Massachusetts or New York—and it’s lost its appeal at this point. What’s a lake compared to the ocean? What’s the ocean compared to safety?
What’s any of it compared to Eiji?
In Omaha, on the way to Los Angeles, Ash and Eiji share a rare moment of peace.
- Language:
- English
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Bookmarked by xCheechx
01 Jun 2026
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You're strong. But I wish you never had to be. by chaos101
Fandoms: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
24 Jul 2021
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“Ash, no,” Shorter all but growls. He glares at the kid, who’s already straddling him.
“Huh?” Ash blinks. There are tear stains on his cheeks.
Most of his clients probably like him better this way.
A physical wave of nausea hits Shorter.
Friendship is difficult to explain.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
26 May 2026
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Oh You Kiss Me, Just to Kiss Me (Not to Take Me Home) by linlinqueen
Fandoms: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
21 May 2026
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Eiji loves him, and with other people’s love comes the inevitable demand for sex. One day, Ash knows, Eiji is going to approach him wanting to have sex (he’d probably call it making love, the absolute sap) and Ash will agree to it, and Eiji will be happy, and Ash will cope. He’s fine with that, really, he’s just got to brace himself for another inevitability in his life. At least this one, he reasons with himself, will serve someone he really cares about.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
25 May 2026
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“So you know about me,” Ash says. Not a question. Eiji already knew some of it. Ash was pretty blunt about how he knew about Club Cod. Runaway kids like me, he’d said.
“Ash—”
“Don’t bother pretending,” Ash interrupts. “I overheard.”
“I do know,” Eiji agrees. He’s looking directly at Ash. Ash is the one who can’t meet his gaze. “And I’m sorry.”
After starting the road trip to California, Ash confronts Eiji about what he learned about Ash.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
25 May 2026
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“What a kid,” Jessica said once. “He’d be a cutie if he didn’t have that incorrigible mouth.”
It would take her a little while to realize that Ash Lynx is so much more than a pretty face and a foul mouth. Not long after that came the words “How can you be so calm about it?” and “I’d be dead before now if it took me that long.”
And then now. Sitting at a hospital bedside with Max, waiting for Ash to wake up.
Ash wakes up. Jessica is there.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
24 May 2026
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It’s been three months of uncertainty. Three months of nerves. Of never knowing what the next day will bring—but in a different sense than the last year or so of Eiji’s life. It’s not wondering whether he’ll live to see another day.
It’s wondering if Ash will choose another day with Eiji.
Or if he’ll leave.
A discussion of the future.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
24 May 2026
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It's not your fault. by chaos101 for ADreamingSongbird
Fandoms: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
21 Apr 2021
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“Don’t worry about it,” Shorter says, reaching over to playfully smack Ash on the arm.
The kid full body flinches, nearly falling to the ground.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. You wanted to hit me? You still can.”
Ash misunderstands. Shorter reassures.
Bookmarked by xCheechx
16 May 2026