Work Text:
The barn was dark except for a small lightbulb that illuminated the area in a soft gentle glow. It wasn't much, but it provided just enough light to help Donatello see what he was working with.
This had to work. It just had to.
With careful, collected fingers, the intellectually inclined turtle lifted a dropper to a small beaker that was currently housing mutagen, and gently squeezed the bulb to release a few drops of codeine onto the sparkling green ooze. The chemicals landed on the mutagen with a small splash before it began to fizzle and produce a strange smell that it was not supposed to originate. And right when the mutagen began to glow an ominous purple color, Donatello backed away just before the contents in his beaker exploded with a puff of smoke that made him cough harshly.
He waved his hand to clear the air of the putrid-smelling smoke before sagging heavily against his task chair to stare up at the barn ceiling. It didn't work. He needed it to work and still, it didn't. He wasn't sure where he went wrong. He thought he had done everything correctly according to the chemical formula. He added Meperidine just like he was supposed to, but perhaps he added too much, so when it combined with the codeine and the mutagen, it created an explosive effect, thus ruining another section of mutagen that could not be rescued. If he kept this up (creating mutagen that disintegrated or couldn't be salvaged) he'd run out of mutagen and fast. And if that happened, he wouldn't be able to create a mutagenic medicine to help heal all the injuries Leo had obtained from his last encounter with the Shredder.
Donnie pushed the heels of his hands against his exhausted, burning eyes and withheld a groan that wanted to escape his lips. It was his fault Leo was stuck in a coma with no sign of waking up. It was his fault their father was gone -most likely dead- because he didn't listen to Leonardo when the oldest said they should leave the city before the invasion started. This was all his fault and he had no clue where to begin to start fixing his mistakes. The only idea he had was to create a mutagenic medicine to help cure Leo and help him recover faster, but all his attempts to create said medicine ended up rejected and tossed with the rest of the discarded batches of mutagen that couldn't be saved or salvaged.
Don rubbed his palm against his eyes before dropping them to his lap and turning his gaze to stare at all his failed attempts. Why didn't he listen to Leo when his older brother told them to flee the city? They would have been okay if Donnie had just listened to Leonardo.
The purple-banded brother gently turned his chair away from his makeshift lab to stare through the darkness at the lumps and objects that hid in the shadows of the barn. If he didn't get away from this environment, the guilt was going to eat him up alive and keep him from making any more progress. So with a small moan, he got to his feet before taking slow strides to the barn doors to get some fresh air and maybe travel to the farmhouse to fix himself up some more coffee. Coffee would do him a world of good right now and perhaps be the key to make his mutagenic medicine succeed.
Donatello stepped outside and took a deep breath of cold night air and tried to calm his nerves and frustrations. Just a quick break then he'll try once more. And hopefully this time he'll be triumphant and create something to help fix his brother and the one hundred and one problems he created for his family and friends.
Donnie carefully took the familiar path back to the veranda and found himself glancing up at the small house with its dark windows and curtains pulled shut. Hopefully everyone was asleep by this point and he could sneak into the house, grab a quick mug of coffee, and make it back to the barn without anyone noticing him.
When Don entered the farmhouse, he silently noticed both the living room and kitchen were both equally quiet and vacant which was a bit of a relief. No one to stop him then. That was good. So without a moment more, he turned into the kitchen, dully noted the time on the microwave which glared 2:29 back at him, and flicked on the lightswitch; blinking excessively when the penetrating light assaulted his eyes. Then after a few strides towards the coffee machine, he plugged it in to start brewing himself a cup.
"Donnie...?"
Donatello almost yelped in surprise when the voice floated through the small kitchen. He quickly spun around to face the doorway which was full of his little brother who was staring at him with wide blue eyes.
"Mikey!" Donnie hissed while his heart thumped painfully behind his plastron, "are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
Michelangelo's lips twitched at the accusation and Donnie felt a frown pull at his own. Mikey was looking way more alert and awake than he should be at 2:30 in the morning, and Donnie vaguely wondered why he didn't see Mikey when he came in just a few minutes ago. Perhaps the younger boy was laying on the couch when the intellectually inclined turtle swept his gaze over the room to ensure himself it was empty. Well, clearly it wasn't as vacant as he originally thought since here's evidence -as bright as day- that he was wrong.
"I was not not trying to give you a heart attack. Wait - not not not trying to give you a heart attack." A smile fell on his face and Donnie wanted to moan. How could someone be so chipper at this time of night? It boggled Don's mind. A lot of things about Mikey boggled Donatello's mind, so perhaps, he should accept the fact that his baby brother didn't make sense because that was the only thing that made sense.
"Whatever. I'm going to finish up brewing up a pot of coffee then I'm going back to the barn." Donnie said after a small shake of his head then turned to face the carafe, checking to see if the liquid was warm yet.
"Donnie, why don't you take a break for a little bit?"
"I can't, Mikey." Donnie snapped without so much as a hesitation. Mikey's intentions meant well, but the youngest didn't understand how much Don needed to get back to work, needed to make Leo some medicine, needed to help Leo heal, and needed to have his oldest brother back. It wasn't Mikey's fault Leo was in a coma, it wasn't Mikey's fault their father was gone, wasn't Mikey's fault they were in this situation.
"You can't help Leo if you don't help yourself first, dude."
Donnie blinked once, twice then slowly turned to give his younger brother a strange look. Mikey being wise was something that didn't occur very often and it kind of shook Donnie to the core even though he desperately wished it didn't.
And after a few seconds of complete silence, Michelangelo gave an encouraging smile; "you can go back to your shindig in the morning. Who knows, bro, you might have inspiring dreams!"
Donnie seriously doubted that.
"Mikey, I appreciate what you're doing, I honestly and truly do, but I can't. Leo needs this."
"Leo's gonna be just fine for a night, bro." Something sad passed through Mikey's face before he plastered on his smile again, "you on the other hand won't do anyone any good in this tired state you're in."
"I-"
"Just for an hour...? Then you can go back and I won't bother you anymore." Mikey suddenly cut the older turtle off while his baby blue eyes begged silently. It was a look that only worked on Leonardo, but Donnie could feel his desperation to get back to work slowly fading away the longer he looked at those eyes. Then after a defeated sigh, he nodded which summoned an even bigger smile on Mikey's face before he skipped forward and collected Donnie's hand in his.
"Wait, I want my coffee!" Donnie whined when Mikey started pulling him to the living room, but the youngest ignored the older teen’s plea, which was rude in a sense since Donnie obliged to Mikey's wishes.
"You can heat it up again once the hour is over, dude! Promise!" Mikey chirped while he brought Donnie over to the couch before plopping down heavily on the sofa and glancing up at the older teen to follow suit, which Donnie did after a scowl. Then when Don had settled into a comfortable position, Mikey curled up against him while snatching the tv remote from the armrest and flipping on the television. "This will help you relax!"
"Not necessarily," Donnie grumbled but since he didn't have a choice, might as well focus on something to keep his exhausted brain from succumbing to sleep. And he did for a good portion of the program before he leaned his head against the back of the sofa to stare up at the ceiling. He really shouldn't be watching mind-numbing shows as Michelangelo did. This wasn’t helping anything. In fact, it was wasting significant amounts of time that he could be using to whip something up, even if it was a complete and utter failure, at least it was something that would get him closer to making a successful medicine.
“Donnie… you know what happened isn’t your fault…”
It was so soft Donattelo barely heard it over the quiet hum of the t.v. And when his brain finally deciphered the words his little brother had said, he felt himself flick his gaze to Mikey -Mikey, the younger boy who was full of surprises when he channeled his whacky energy into something calm and collected and insightful.
“I, I know it isn’t,” Donnie said softly, feeling something squirm inside of him at the lie he was giving his baby brother. But apparently, Michelangelo didn’t believe him because his face featured a look of something completely doubtful before the younger turtle shook his head and fixed his gaze on the opposite wall;
“Yes, you do. You think what happened to Leo is your fault. That’s why you barricade yourself in the barn to work nonstop on something to help him feel better.” Mikey’s shoulders sagged a little before he continued, “I know you, Dee. You want all the answers, all the scientific facts, all the explanations, and when something doesn’t work out the way you think it should, you pledge to do everything you can to enhance your knowledge and make it better… Having all the answers helps you feel safe, and when you don’t, you feel out of control… Like when Leo doesn’t have a plan or Raph can’t protect us…” Donnie silently noticed Mikey didn’t include himself and faintly wondered why.
“And since you didn’t have the answer for the invasion, you created something that you thought would be the answer. But it turned out it wasn’t… And now since you feel like you got it wrong, this whole thing is your fault… And, and it’s not, Donnie… It’s not your fault… There’s no way any of us would have known…” His blue eyes flickered to land painfully on Donnie’s, and at that moment, Donnie realized there were tears in his eyes. Because… Mikey was right and Donnie knew he was right.
“It’s not your fault…” Mikey whispered while his hand drifted to Donnie’s face to brush his finger across Donnie’s cheek to wipe away a stray tear. The younger boy looked determined like he would keep repeating that sentence a million and one times until Don believed it wholeheartedly. And even though Donnie wanted to counteract Mikey’s statement with evidence and facts, there was something deep inside that notified the intellectually inclined turtle that Mikey spoke the truth. How could this whole thing be entirely his fault? They all played into the Kraang’s and Shredder’s trap. It was their enemies’ fault. They hurt Leo. They separated their father from them. They started this invasion to begin with. And Donnie, Donnie did have the answer. He had to answer to help them escape the city using his turtle mech. And who knows, maybe if they had gone down the path Leo willed them to go, perhaps it could have turned out worse for them and they could all be dead right now with no hope of saving the city. Perhaps what did happen was supposed to happen, and no amount of answers could have stopped the inevitable. At least they were together with the high chance of Leo waking up in the near future.
While Donnie thought all this through, Mikey remained silent while the younger turtle watched the wheels in Donnie’s head spin a full speed. And then when Don slowly succumbed to the idea that there were other factors that came to play, and it wasn’t his fault, he felt whole shades lighter than he did an hour ago. Mikey must have sensed it too when he scooted closer to the older turtle and wrapped his small, skinny arms around Donnie’s torso before burying his face against Don’s side.
“Thank you, Mikey…” the purple-masked brother whispered as he pulled Mikey closer and placed his cheek on top of the younger boy’s head, “I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that until now…”
“They don’t say I’m wise beyond my years for nothing, bro.”
Donnie chuckled wetly at that before rolling his eyes; “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that before. To you, at least.”
“You’d be surprised. I get that quite a lot.”
“Who on earth said that to you before?”
“I dunno, a lot of people?”
“Uh-huh, I’ll believe that when pigs fly.”
Mikey pouted before a small smile consumed his face and he tilted his head up to look at Donatello, and when the younger boy peered right through Donnie’s face, something Mikey said -or didn’t say- came back to the surface.
“What makes you feel out of control?”
Mikey’s smile turned into a sad one before a small sigh escaped his lips and his gaze flickered to the television set which crackled and fizzled with static from a lost satellite connection. Donnie would probably have to fix that in the morning.
“I… I feel out of control knowing my bros are in a lot of emotional pain, and- and don’t have a clue how to help them feel better. Like when Leo’s frustrated with himself because he didn’t have the perfect plan, or Raph’s angry because he failed to protect one of us, or when you… when you’re beating yourself up because you didn’t have the correct answer. I don’t like seeing you guys in pain, so I do whatever I can to help you get out of your funk.” And Mikey didn’t need to say it because Donnie recalled all the times Michelangelo did something that peeved one of them and made them focus on something other than their one hundred and one problems, or the times Mikey did something to make them laugh or smile or even shake their head, or even the times when their little brother plopped himself next to them and stayed by their side for hours . And even though there were times Mikey irked Donnie to no end and drove him up walls as tall as skyscrapers, Donnie loved him and couldn’t ask for a better little brother.
“Your hour is up, so if you wanna, you can go get your coffee and continue to work on your medicine thing,” Mikey suddenly spoke and Donnie’s thoughts vanished. He could continue to work, but he always had the whole day tomorrow to plow through more chemicals and formulas and different reactions that might occur. And who knows, maybe if he gets some rest, even if it’s for a couple of hours, he might have an epiphany and be inspired to add a few extra chemicals to help balance out the mutagenic medicine.
“You know what, I think some sleep would be good for me. Why don’t we both go upstairs and get some rest? What do you think about-”
“Yes! It sounds awesome! Com-on, Dee! I’ll race you!” Mikey cried before hopping off the couch all the while giving the brightest smile -a smile that could light up the whole world and make any dark place disappear. And when Donnie saw that face, a small smile of his own peeked out from behind his lips before he pushed himself off the sofa and followed his little brother up the stairs and towards the room they shared together.
Everything would be alright. They still had each other. And someday, they’ll fix all the mistakes and problems and stumbling blocks, and they’ll do it together.