Archive of Our Own

Buck loved saving people, obviously, but his favorite flavor of calls were the silly ones.

So when they were sent out to help a man tangled in his own fishing net, dangling head first amongst the fish he’d just caught, Buck was delighted.

He was so distracted laughing along with everyone over the 911 call recording that he forgot about where they were going. It wasn’t until the truck parked that it clicked.

Fishing net. Fish. Boat. Ocean.

Fuck.

Buck hadn’t been to the beach in two years, not since...well. All the calls out there since had been around the pier or the shore, but never too close to the water.

He’d been fine with pools, like when a frat boy had made a pool noodle raft using zip-ties. He had accidentally cuffed his foot to the cleaning robot on the bottom while trying to attach the raft. So they’d arrived to him chilling half on the pool noodle contraption, comically being slowly dragged in a full lap by his ankle.

Buck had been the first to volunteer to go under to cut him loose, because Eddie was giving him a look that said ‘don’t do this, water freaks you out’, so, of course, Buck announced that he was doing it.

He’d almost felt relieved when he got in the water and felt nothing, no panic, no fear, just him and a basic pair of scissors. The frat boy had called everyone dude, Hen and Bobby included, but he had also referred to the pool cleaning robot as dude, as well as the raft. Apparently, the Hildy he’d made the 911 call on was a really good dude for hearing him from inside.

Buck had looked over just to see Eddie’s mouth twist down, especially when Hildy answered with “Glad I could help, dude.”

At least Eddie stopped worrying as much about Buck being around water after that.

Buck had been fine since then. Not even a little shiver when he got into the bath (at Eddie’s place because his apartment only had a shitty shower).

But today, they were at a fishing dock and all it took was getting out of the truck for him to feel dizzy.

Eddie surreptitiously helped lead Buck forward with an arm low on his back.

The wet muffled sounds of the fisherman from inside his net cheered him up, though.

Buck still put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder when he stepped onto the boat, gripping tight when it rocked from their weight.

Okay, so he was cool with still-water, but not the kind that moved. Noted. He’d never wanted a waterbed before, but now he was irrationally sad at the prospect of never being able to get one.

Eddie squeezed his arm before going over to help Hen with the pulley.

The net was mostly hanging over the edge of the boat, so when the line snapped as it was moved, the whole thing dropped into the water, fish, fishman, and all.

On instinct, Buck dove in after him.

The water was warm, but the ice that seared into his skin felt far too real. Buck kept his eyes squeezed shut as he swam down, arms waving around to find the net. He hadn’t taken a proper breath before jumping in and sharp panic was starting to set in, chest hitching with the need to inhale.

His mind was too foggy to figure out which way was down anymore, but when he tried to find his bearings, his hand caught on the net. Adrenaline crackling through him, he started pulling towards where he thought was up.

The net loosened open and in the flood of bailing fish, Buck lost his grip.

He’d just inadvertently opened his mouth to uselessly suck water in when he felt an arm yanking him around the waist, pulling him up. Probably. He couldn’t tell.

Buck felt the sun in his hair for half a second before the world faded away.

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that his lips were salty. Then the hospital smell hit him. At least there wasn’t any beeping- Oh, never mind, there it was.

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Eddie’s leg bouncing up and down.

“Since when do you vibrate?” Buck asked, voice stupidly hoarse. Almost like he’d inhaled significantly too much ocean water, or something.

He hadn’t expected Eddie’s eyes to be so sharp when they snapped to his.

Buck only had time to blink before a nurse pulled a curtain open and came in to check on him. During the variety of tests, Buck didn’t notice Eddie walk out. When he did, it kind of felt like he was drowning all over again.

Everyone from the station came to see him throughout the few hours he was forced to stay. He was told the fisherman was fine, that Chimney had jumped in with the winch hook to pull him out when Eddie had dragged Buck up to the surface. Apparently, Eddie had performed CPR and Buck had coughed up the water and, apparently, it was normal that he couldn’t remember.

Eddie didn’t come back to see him.

When Buck was finally discharged with a clean bill of health and zero salt water in his lungs, he found Eddie sitting outside his room.

“You stayed,” Buck said, some of the tension curling at his shoulders dissipating.

Eddie looked up at him and gave him a totally bullshit smile. The fake one he used on annoying patients. Behind it, Eddie looked so fucking sad.

Buck swallowed, his throat was really dry considering how overly hydrated he was.

“Are you o-”

“I’m your ride home,” Eddie said softly before walking away without waiting for Buck to catch up.

Buck couldn’t get his feet to move, dread pulling at his stomach. He’d fucked up again.

Eddie was waiting next to Buck’s truck, against the driver’s side, when Buck finally pushed himself forward and made it to the exit.

“I went to get the extra set of keys from your place since yours drowned along with some of your common sense.”

Buck bit his bottom lip, grateful Eddie was getting in the truck so he wouldn’t see Buck rub his eyes, internally begging them to stop stinging. It was the salt.

Once Buck had his seatbelt fastened and Eddie started up the car, Buck looked over at him. He saw the stiff line of his posture, the tight set of his mouth, and the way Eddie wasn’t looking back.

Buck kept his mouth open so his breathing wouldn’t be as loud, so Eddie couldn’t hear it stutter.

“I’m glad you’re alright. I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Eddie started once he got them on the road, alleviating some of the pressure that was building under Buck’s ribs. “I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been. I’m sorry I didn’t get you out sooner.”

Buck shook his head, hoping Eddie would see it out of the corner of his vision. “You saved me with plenty of time to spare.”

“Please don’t- don’t do that,” Eddie whispered, fingers white around the steering wheel. “Don’t make light of this. No jokes. You almost fucking died, Buck.”

Lowering his eyes to his fiddling hands, Buck cleared his throat.

“I didn’t, um, do it on purpose? It was an automatic reflex. I thought I could handle it.” Buck kept his voice quiet but there was no way Eddie couldn’t hear the waver between his words.

“You’re a good firefighter, a great one, but what you did back there? That was irresponsible. You knew we needed to use the winch, just jumping in was too dangerous.”

“I’m known for jumping headfirst into danger, right? This time I took it a tad too literally.”

Buck watched as Eddie inhaled slowly, clearly reeling in his own automatic response.

“I’m sorry,” Buck blurted out, digging his nails into his palms when his breath hitched.

“I don’t need an apology, Buck, I know you didn’t... mean to almost drown. I know you were just trying to help. Trying to save someone.”

“But I was reckless,” Buck filled in, turning his head to look out the window. “I was stupid.”

“No, you did something foolish because you thought it was the right thing to do at the time. You’re not stupid.”

Eddie went quiet again, probably trying to curb the urge to expand on how Buck was an idiot in other ways.

“If it makes you feel any better, I regret my actions. I’m not a fan of sea-salt cleanses.”

Buck closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see Eddie’s reaction. Buck was so used to saying everything on his mind - dumb jokes included - with Eddie that he sometimes forgot to filter out the shit Eddie didn’t want to hear. Like making dumb jokes when he was specifically asked not to.

There were very few things he couldn’t tell Eddie, but those things were huge, friendship-altering feelings that had to stay shadowed. He covered those up with humor, too.

“I was scared,” Eddie breathed out after a few minutes that weighed Buck down. “I know why you did it, I get it, but you scared the shit out of me, Buck.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I know you said not to apologize,” he rushed on, looking over at Eddie. “But I really am sorry for what I put you through.”

Eddie’s hand lifted off the steering wheel for a second before it slapped back down. A frustrated reflex.

Buck bowed his head forward, blinking a few times when his eyes started burning again.

“That’s the problem,” Eddie started, voice carefully calm in a way that made Buck uneasy. “You never consider what you’re putting yourself through because you’re always so focused on everyone else. You always help everyone else, you save them, because you’re an amazing firefighter.”

Eddie sucked in a sharp breath before continuing. “But, you’re sometimes careless with your own life. And it’s not just about heroics, I know that, but in the process you put yourself in danger with no regard for your own safety. You didn’t stop to think about the consequences of your actions, you just...”

Buck bit the inside of his cheek, trying to ground himself in the sting.

He looked up in surprise when the car stopped. They were at Eddie’s place.

Eddie unbuckled his seatbelt and turned in his seat, knee propped up against the steering wheel. Buck kept his eyes on the dashboard.

“I’m not trying to be a dick, Buck. This isn’t about making you feel guilty, but this is going to happen again, we both know that. I’m just worried that next time-”

Eddie cut himself off, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, like he was exhausted.

You’re exhausting.

Buck squeezed his own eyes shut. The memory was so distant, now, but the rare times it came back, the same ache from years ago came along with it.

Eddie was a single dad who worked ridiculous hours, Buck saw him drop-dead tired often, but this was a Buck-specific kind of fatigue.

With a sigh, Eddie got out of the truck, going around the front to open Buck’s door.

Buck froze, hating how that was his first instinct. That was never his first instinct, not with Eddie.

When Buck didn’t move, Eddie reached across him to get his seatbelt off. Tugging at his sleeve a little when he pulled back. Buck couldn’t make himself match Eddie’s soft smile.

“Is it okay if I drive myself home?” Buck asked, guilt roaring through him, his stomach turning with it.

Eddie didn’t say anything so Buck looked up at him. He knew what the lines of Eddie’s face meant: disappointment. Probably not about Buck leaving, but maybe about Buck himself.

Buck snapped his mouth shut on what was definitely about to be another apology Eddie didn’t want.

“You don’t want to stay?”

Buck could taste bile somewhere in the back of his throat. He shook his head.

“I think I’ve done enough damage for today,” he tried to joke, hands jerking when that just made Eddie close his eyes.

“Then think of this as reparations. Let me take care of you. Please, Buck.”

Buck felt something squeeze in his sternum.

“And I’m the one who always puts others first?”

God, he couldn’t fucking stop himself. Eddie just looked sad and Buck felt that tenfold.

Buck stepped out of the truck, cautiously moving around Eddie.

“I think I wanna go back to my place tonight. Lick my salt wounds, and such.”

“Can you-”

“I’ll have to invest in some dry-shampoo because what if my shower tries to shove a fish down my throat?”

He couldn’t stop saying shit, his mind tripping over itself as anxiety frayed his self-control. Just more dumb jokes.

“Buck.”

“Do you think I could survive on raw coffee beans? Filling up the water tank might spook me. Does Hildy come with a dry option?”

“God, you’re insufferable,” Eddie said, voice defeated and low like he hadn’t meant to say it aloud.

Buck tensed to stop himself from flinching.

His faltering gasp gave him away. Eddie’s eyes widened, his words catching up to him, mouth already opening to take it back but Buck had unlocked his limbs and was already walking over to the driver’s side.

“Buck, I’m so sorry, I di-”

“Can I please have the keys?”

“Wait, no, can we please talk about this? I don’t want you to go- I just- please, Buck, I want you to stay the night.”

Buck could distantly feel that his cheek was wet. He wondered if his tears were extra salty.

Eddie exhaled slowly before handing the keys over through the window. Buck could see that Eddie’s hand was shaking.

“Buck, I didn’t mean that. Please believe me.”

“You’re upset, I get that.”

“That’s not an excuse for being an asshole. Don’t let me off the hook that easily.” Eddie huffed out a pained noise. “I won’t stop you from going, but please promise me you’ll call if you need anything, or if you just want to talk.”

“I know, thank you. See you tomorrow, Eddie.”

Eddie nodded, eyes shiny with a fear Buck recognized. The fear of having gone too far.

“Goodnight,” Eddie whispered, barely audible over the sound of the truck starting.

Buck still said it back.

The drive home took longer than usual because he had to park on the side of the road to wait for his body to stop trembling.

All he wanted to do was find a phone and call Eddie, turn around and go back, accept his apologies and caretaking, do some of his own, maybe even get a heartfelt hug. But his ears were ringing with a hurtful mantra in his own voice that he couldn’t silence.

Insufferable.

He knew Eddie hadn’t meant it on a deeper level than just passing exasperation, but the words still imprinted themselves across all of Buck’s insecurities. Just not in Eddie’s voice.

Six months after Buck had returned to work, after the lawsuit, he’d made a quick unconscious joke about being exhausting. Eddie had teared up, right there in the middle of a call, because it’d hit him just how hurt Buck must have felt over his careless barb. Bobby had tried to send them home so they could talk about it and stop crying all over their patient.

Buck had reassured both of them (and the patient) that he was fine, and he was, for the most part. It was only on his greyest days that the memory came back, a whisper with a vice grip around his lungs reminding him not to be a burden on the people he loves. He knew he could always ask for help, even comfort, but he stayed conscious of how much he was taking from those around him, making sure he didn’t push his luck. Making sure he didn’t take too much.

You’re insufferable.

And he had been, that’s exactly what he’d been going for. He wanted to annoy Eddie into a reluctant laugh or a groan over salt water rather than have them face the small matter of Buck’s mortality.

He knew he shouldn’t let it hurt him, because that wasn’t how Eddie intended it, but. Buck’s own head wasn’t the best place to ask for a little compassion. Some understanding, nuance, even apathy, anything else would have been better instead of the deep burn of doubt.

Shaking out his fingers, Buck got back on the road and changed directions, music loud enough that he couldn’t think anymore.

He drove over to Bobby and Athena’s place. He knew how Eddie worked, he knew there was a chance Eddie would try to find Buck at his apartment, but a childish part of him wanted to leave Eddie hanging, just for a moment, at least until Buck could buy himself a new phone.

That didn’t stop him from ringing Bobby’s doorbell and immediately bursting into tears the second Bobby asked him what was wrong and was he okay?

Buck swallowed his words down, gave some generic explanation about a fight with a friend as he let himself get hugged by Bobby, then Athena, and then even Harry, which just made him cry some more. When he realized that he was interrupting a family meal, Buck tried to leave, but none of the Grant-Nash clan would let him.

Twenty minutes later, once they’d insisted Buck should have a second piece of pie, Bobby got a call from Eddie, asking him if he knew where Buck was. Bobby looked at Buck and told Eddie that Buck was with them and had gone to bed.

Buck hadn’t mentioned Eddie in the mess of his tearful confession, but even Harry knew it was about Eddie, if the hand patting Buck’s was anything to go by.

“Was he at my place?” Buck asked once Bobby hung up, voice as small as he felt.

Bobby sat back down with a sigh. “Yeah, he remembered you didn’t have a phone anymore and wanted to check on you.”

“Do you wanna stay here tonight, Buck?” Athena asked, running her hand through his hair a couple times.

Buck pushed down the part of him that wanted nothing more than to let these people, his family, take care of him. But he had to be happy with what he was given, by all of them, and he knew that if he’d let himself, he’d ask for too much. He always asked for too much.

Rubbing his hands on his thighs, he shook his head, giving them as genuine a smile as he could manage before getting up. Athena waved away his offer to help with the dishes and gave him a hug.

“You always have a place here, just know that. This is your home, too.”

Buck inhaled shakily as she leaned away. Her smile was genuine and who was he to deny Athena Grant the same in return.

Bobby wrapped his arm around Buck’s shoulders and led him to the door.

“What Athena said, that’s from both of us. All of us. You’re always welcome here,” Bobby said when he hugged Buck goodnight. “Drive safe.”

“Thank you,” Buck whispered, making himself pull away before he could start crying again.

Buck couldn’t work through what he felt when he went back to his loft and Eddie wasn’t there anymore.

After ordering a new phone online, Buck hunted down an old alarm clock and got into bed. The ceiling really didn’t provide much in the way of distraction as he tried to quiet his thoughts.

He didn’t feel at home. He didn’t think he ever had. The station felt like home. Eddie’s house felt like home, so did Athena’s, but his apartment never came close. He felt safe, the temperature was perfect, the rent was decent, the neighbors were fine. But between the cold modern edges and the emptiness, it felt like nothing more than a place to recharge. A really expensive stasis pod.

Buck had stayed with Diaz’s for so long after Eddie got shot, he had foolishly gotten used to living with them, loving every second of it, easily letting himself forget he’d have to go back to his own place one day.

That day had come when Buck and Christopher had burnt him a cake and Eddie had patted his shoulder and said: “Thank you for staying here and helping out, you really were a great help.”

Were. Buck had known then that he was on the very edge of overstaying his welcome. The Diaz boys had insisted otherwise, both looking a little misty eyed when Buck told them he was going home and again when Buck actually left.

Christopher had only high fived him goodbye instead of giving him a hug and that almost made Buck cry. Eddie had given him another encouraging shoulder pat.

By the next day, when Buck had come over for dinner anyway, Christopher was hugging him again but now he was whispering ‘I miss you’ every time. He’d accidentally asked Buck when he was coming home a few times, temporarily forgetting that Buck didn’t live with them. Christopher always got real quiet afterwards.

Buck went back to his loft every night after that feeling more and more heartbroken.

Being there now, staring up at this boring white ceiling, Buck felt that all over again, undoing months of progress of convincing himself he’d done the right thing. He was starting to think he didn’t know what the right thing was anymore.

Buck almost threw his alarm clock out the window in panic when it violently chirped at him to wake up, volume on max. Buck unplugged it to shut it up.

“You’re a shitty dude,” he mumbled, leaving it on his bed as he went through his lonely morning routine.

He usually required at least thirty minutes of extra snoozing, his set alarms accounted for that, but the cruel unplugged beast had taken that from him. So he left for the station early. He went home.

The B team were just getting ready to leave when he got there. He happily joined their final game of toss the heavy-as-fuck helmet, a station favorite.

Bobby gave his nape a squeeze in greeting when he arrived.

Hen and Chimney were arguing about trapezes, for some reason, when a guy came stumbling up to them, collapsing in Buck’s arms as he went in and out of consciousness.

“Sir, can you tell me your name? Can you hear me? We’re going to take you to the hospital, okay?”

A hand gripped his jaw, hard. “No. No hospital. Bandage me up here.”

The guy passed out again.

Hen rolled the gurney up to them, looking guarded as she checked the guy’s vitals once he was on it.

Single gunshot wound to the shoulder, no exit, non-life threatening but he still needed to go to the hospital. Blood was dripping out of his sleeve.

The guy painfully dug his nails into Buck’s wrist when they tried to wheel him closer to the ambulance.

“No hospital, am I clear?”

“Sir, we can’t c-”

The man pressed in with his nails, index finger breaking skin.

Bobby pulled Buck away by his shoulders, guiding Buck to stand behind him.

“I’m Bobby, can you please tell us your name?”

“Just stitch me up. No names, no hospitals.”

Bobby carefully handed his phone behind his back to Buck, 911 already typed in. Buck was reaching for it when Bullet Guy leaped off the gurney and pulled out an amusingly tiny knife. It didn’t feel as funny when he charged at Bobby.

Buck pushed Bobby out of the way, automatically reaching for Bullet-now-Knife Guy’s arm when he shoved forward. Buck had muscle on his side, but the guy clearly had training, effortlessly dodging out of reach before grabbing onto Buck’s wrist again, twisting his arm behind his back.

The pocket-sized knife didn’t feel as laughably small when it was resting against Buck’s throat. Especially not when its wielder was unsteady on his feet, blade trailing over Buck’s pulse point every time the guy swayed.

“Buck.”

Buck’s eyes followed the broken sound, finding Eddie standing just inside the station, bag still slung over his shoulder, looking so terrified it made Buck’s head spin, panic sparking brighter as the knife dug in a little more.

Knife Guy pulled at Buck’s shirt, walking them backwards towards the ambulance, which felt counterproductive.

“Keys.”

No one moved. Buck could hear Eddie panting somewhere outside his eyesight.

“Give me the fucking ambulance keys! You want G.I Jock here to bleed all over your clean floor?”

Buck didn’t mention that it wasn’t really clean anymore, a trail of red following their steps.

Hen scrambled to get her keys out, throwing the whole set at the guy who didn’t even try to catch them.

Nudging the blade up under Buck’s chin, he pointed at them. The knife pulled away long enough for Buck to reach down to get them. He quickly detached the ambulance key and tossed the rest back towards Hen.

Knife Guy made a gross snarling noise, aiming the point of his knife against Buck’s jaw.

“We only needed the ambulance key,” he stuttered out, trying to lean away only for a rough hand to grip his hair to keep him in place.

Then he shoved Buck towards the driver side door. “Open it. Get in.”

“I’m a trained army medic, you should take me instead,” Buck heard Eddie say, voice desperate and wavering.

Buck barely stopped himself from shaking his head in time, weary of the blade digging under his adam’s apple again.

“Ed- no! Don’t!”

Knife Guy was grinning next to Buck’s ear, it sent a nauseating chill down his spine.

“He’s a firefighter, he can help you,” Eddie went on, taking a tentative step forward, “but I have the skills you’d need for this.”

Buck could distantly hear Bobby yelling, but all Buck could let himself focus on was Eddie’s voice, as pained as it came out.

Buck could also hear sirens in the distance, getting impossibly closer, making hope bleed through the fear keeping him frozen.

He suddenly found his face pressed against the ambulance window, fingers in his hair tightening, knife poking at his lower back instead.

“Open it.”

“Buck, no, wait!” Eddie’s voice sounded shattered, Buck could hear the same terror that was running cold through his own veins.

Hands almost too shaky to hold the key, Buck eventually managed to get the door open, exhaling in relief when Knife Guy released Buck’s head so he could climb in, surprised when the guy followed him in, shoving him into the passenger seat.

Eddie was screaming, but Buck couldn’t make out the words anymore, static filling his ears.

Ripping the key out of Buck’s numb fingers, Knife Guy peeled out of the station, taking a turn so sharply Buck’s shoulder slammed against the door.

Buck knew that by the time the police found out they’d left in the ambulance, they would be long gone. Especially with how meticulously Knife Guy was winding through side streets. He immediately threw Buck’s radio out the window and disconnected the one on the dash. This clearly wasn’t his first rodeo.

“Get the epinephrine,” Knife Guy ordered once they were a couple blocks away, eyes never leaving the road. His stupid little knife was still in his grip against the steering wheel, his other hand pressing against his wound.

“Do you have a name? Or at least a nickname I can use so I stop calling you Knife Guy in my head?” Buck asked as he leaned back to reach for a kit. He’d seen Hen and Chimney prep the needle enough times, but his fingers were clumsy.

“I sure know your name from how dramatically that guy was yelling after you,” Knife Guy answered with a dark chuckle. “He said he was gonna kill me with his bare hands. How romantic.”

Buck’s stomach dropped, the panic he’d managed to dull just enough to breathe roiling through him again.

Eddie’s words about him always putting others first echoed somewhere in the back of his mind, where the worry about his own life had faded out to focus on Eddie’s.

Buck allowed his half-assed plans to throw himself out of the ambulance to dissolve under the rush of adrenaline, trying to tamper down the rest of his reckless ideas. Instead, he focused on prepping the epinephrine to give his captor more adrenaline instead. That felt totally safe.

“I’m going to stab your thigh with this, now.” Not waiting for an answer, Buck did just that.

Knife Guy didn’t even wince.

“Oh, is he off limits, then? Got you to shut right up.”

“He’s a colleague.”

Knife Guy snorted, it somehow sounded cruel. “Bullshit. He was more scared of you getting hurt than you were. He got real stupid with it, too, screaming at the man with the knife against his boy’s throat.”

Buck squeezed his eyes shut.

“I can’t wait to see him again.”

“No!” Buck said, just loud enough to prove the guy’s point

“Like I said, off limits.”

Buck gripped his knees so tightly he could feel the material fraying.

Knife Guy turned onto a street below an underpass, barely slowing down as he drove through a parking lot barrier. There weren’t any cameras around.

“Grab the supplies you need to patch me up and don’t say a fucking thing.”

Buck forced himself to obey, shoving two extra kits in Chimney’s medic bag. He paused when he was done, wavering when he didn’t know if he was supposed to stay put or get out.

Knife Guy yanked the back doors open, dangling some keys with a twisted grin. He was pressing a new shirt against his shoulder, already staining crimson.

“Got us a new ride. Turns out people are real accommodating when you tell them you’re a firefighter in need of help.”

Buck followed after him, looking around wildly, seeing a smiling couple standing next to the car Knife Guy was getting into.

“We’ll get it back to you,” Buck mumbled to them, getting in the passenger seat.

Knife Guy drove them back through the gate he’d broken, turning onto the ramp to get on the highway.

Buck’s chances of being found were dwindling. He really couldn’t jump out now.

“Let’s say my name is Major.”

Buck blinked over at him. “Can’t really say it’s an honor meeting you.”

Major gave him a sharp look but he seemed vaguely amused, like he was pleasantly surprised Buck wasn’t cowering.

“What about your man back there? What’s his name?”

“I thought we agreed he’s off limits.”

Major smirked as he switched lanes, using his turn signal and everything. Buck noticed he’d even put his seatbelt on. Buck quickly did the same.

“Well where’s the fun in that? We’re gonna be hanging out for a while, you and I.”

“Do I have a choice? Weird way to make friends.”

Buck saw Major smirk again.

Between two exits, Major parked on the side of the road. He reached up to rip his shirt open, turning towards Buck without flinching and jerking his chin at him to get to it.

Buck started getting the right supplies out but Major made an angry noise.

“Basics only. Not time wasting.”

Buck held up some morphine and Major shook his head.

Putting the rest away, Buck reached across the console to do the most he could with how impatient Major was getting.

“I can’t get the bullet out here. You need surgery,” Buck whispered, keeping his eyes on the gauze he was taping down.

“I need you to do your job.”

Buck held his tongue, leaning back once he was done.

Major merged back into the flow of cars. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much traffic leaving LA as opposed to the stand-still mess going in, they’d be out of the city far too quickly for the police to set up barriers.

“What’s his name? Ed something, right?” Major asked again and something in his voice told Buck he needed to answer, that he couldn’t lie.

“Eddie,” Buck breathed out, feeling nauseous again.

“Edmundo?”

Buck nodded, keeping his chin low.

“Does he not love you back?”

Swallowing, Buck pressed his lips together.

“You’re a shitty road-trip partner,” Major scoffed but he didn’t talk again for another three exits.

Once they were well and truly out of the city, Major found a small gas station attached to a diner. No cameras again. He pulled up to one of the pumps.

“You do anything, I ruin that pretty face of yours.”

“You say the sweetest things,” Buck mumbled, crossing his arms, petulance winning over self-preservation.

It seemed to entertain Major more than anything.

Major put his jacket back on to hide his wound and left Buck locked in the car as he refilled the tank before heading inside the diner, presumably to get food.

The second he was out of sight, Buck quickly started checking through every compartment and armrest he could search. Some tictacs, two parking tickets, a window squeegee, registration papers, nothing useful.

Buck threw one more look towards the diner before climbing into the back, forcing the seats down to crawl into the trunk. He was about to try forcing the opening mechanism when his palm landed on something sharp.

A spare spark plug. Relief that felt a lot like elation bubbled up in his chest.

Buck covered the plug with the registration papers to crush it with his knee. Grabbing the biggest ceramic piece, he scrambled into the back seat again, frantically looking around for Major as he held the ceramic against the window, smashing his elbow into it. The glass shattered instantly.

He barely bothered clearing away some of the leftover glass before throwing himself out the window. He tried to do a cool roll but he was mostly focused on getting up as quickly as possible, ignoring the damage the glass was causing.

“You little fucking shit!” Major spat out, already sprinting towards him.

Buck wasn’t fast enough, Major slammed him into the side of the diner, out of view. The mini knife was back, pressing just above the collar of his shirt.

“Where’d you learn that trick, huh? Got a little more bite in you than I thought, boy scout.”

“Why is your knife so small?” Buck asked, like an idiot.

But Major just laughed, grazing Buck’s chin with the blade.

“Easy to hide. Bigger isn’t always better.”

“As long as you know how to use it, right?”

A sadistic smile curled Major’s lips up. “Wanna find out? Maybe I could leave a little piece of you behind for your Edmundo to find.”

“Jesus christ, you’re fucked up.”

Buck gasped when the knife suddenly swiped to the side, leaving a shallow cut along his jaw.

“Then maybe you should stop being so fucking unbearable!”

It took everything in Buck’s power to stay silent, but he saw a flash of curiosity in Major’s eyes before they were widening in delight.

“Oh, there’s something there.”

Buck exhaled carefully, the back of his head burning where it was leaned against the wall. He was pretty sure there was glass in his hair. In his everywhere, really.

Major chuckled, pushing his thumb against the cut on Buck’s jaw.

Buck almost choked on his pained noise, mouth staying shut tight.

“And here I was going to share my food with you.” Major sighed like he was sad about it. “But now I think you’re too useless to me to even bother.”

Buck didn’t move a muscle but Major still grinned, knowing he’d hit a nerve.

“Do you not respond well to stick, then? More of a carrot guy, yeah?” Major asked with a low laugh. “Does your Edmundo praise you in all the right ways?”

Major snickered, probably seeing how Buck’s eyes were watering.

“Or does he also call you worthless?”

Buck’s mouth dropped open to protest, the cut on his jaw meeting Major’s thumbnail, making him hiss.

Major smiled, too wide and too terrifying.

“No, no, he treats you right. Just not in the way you want.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Buck sneered, stopping himself too late.

“Oh, please. You have a terrible poker face. There might be blood on my sleeve but at least I don’t leave my heart there.”

Buck closed his eyes, chest compressing painfully.

“You’re in love with him.”

“I thought we’d been over that already.”

Major pushed in closer, weirdly careful about not cutting Buck again.

“But this is so fun! He didn’t react like a colleague. He reacted like a man in love.”

“You’re wrong,” Buck mumbled, too tired to fight back anymore.

“I’m not, but I’m curious as to why you think I am.”

Buck’s eyes snapped open, anger draining out of him when he met Major’s wild eyes.

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn- I’m not what he wants.”

Major hummed, tilting his head like he was pretending to think.

“What makes you so sure, then?”

“He said I w- It doesn’t matter,” Buck repeated, wishing he could let his head fall forward to hide his face.

“Well how are you supposed to prove your hypothesis if you don’t share all the data? What did he say?”

Buck turned away as much as he could, wind knocked out of him when Major just shoved him harder into the wall.

“Stop, just... fuck, what do you want from me?”

But before Major could ask his next psychologically damaging question, Buck heard a distant buzz that sounded familiar even through the dull panic still clouding his mind. Sirens.

Growling like a melodramatic bastard, Major ripped Buck away from the wall, pulling him towards the back of the building, into what looked like the staff parking lot.

Major put the baby knife away but Buck knew better than to try anything again, so he went easily when Major led him to a truck and kicked at the back of Buck’s knees to get him on the ground.

“Roll under, hurry up.”

Buck did, glass dust burning his skin wherever he touched. Major joined him right as the diner started flashing blue and red.

Major had chosen the perfect spot to hide them. He’d picked a truck just outside a street lamp’s glow, just far back enough in the parking lot that they wouldn’t be seen unless someone actively looked under every car.

Buck felt hollow as he settled on his stomach, almost expecting to see Eddie bleeding out next to him again. It felt too familiar, too soon, too much. But he didn’t have to pull Eddie under and away this time, Buck just needed to survive, that was the job Eddie needed him to do.

It almost surprised him, how fiercely he held onto that thought. He was so used to focusing on saving others first, but, for once his main concern was his own safety, his life was the only one in the balance. He needed to make it out alive. He had a family to come home to.

Buck couldn’t see the cops yet, but he could hear them arriving. A lot of them.

He felt the knife point press against his cheek. He just barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes.

“Don’t do anything stupid. And since I know that threatening you with bodily harm barely does the trick, how about I promise to hurt your Edmundo instead?”

“Please,” Buck whispered without meaning to, mind going foggy from how lightheaded he got. “Please, don’t.”

Major smirked before scoffing, like Buck had made it too easy for him.

When some police officers started rounding the corner, Major gripped Buck’s jaw, fingers unrelenting as he forced Buck to look ahead. Buck nearly chewed right through his bottom lip trying to stay quiet when Major’s thumb dug into the cut again.

“Weird way to get me silent,” Buck spat out which just earned him a tighter grip, mouth forced shut so he couldn’t scream for help even if he wanted to.

Major was smiling the whole time, eyes bright with annoyed looking amusement.

“Buck!”

Buck made a desperate noise in the back of his throat, squeezing his eyes shut.

Major leaned in closer so Buck could feel his breath when he whispered. “There’s your boy.”

Buck could hear Eddie frantically calling for him, somewhere near the diner. He could hear Athena barking out orders and Bobby echoing them across all the teams. It was a whole shebang.

“They send all these people for little old you? How sweet.”

Eddie’s voice was getting closer, words babbling out of him as he begged Athena to tell him if they knew where Buck was, if they knew if Buck was alright, if he was hurt, if he’d gotten away.

Apparently, someone in the diner had seen Buck break his way out of the car and called 911 before Major had even gotten his food.

Athena was helplessly trying to calm Eddie down, guiding him to breathe through what sounded like the beginning of a panic attack.

Buck’s face felt numb but he could still tell that he was crying. It made Major laugh sardonically, still quiet enough not to be detected.

“Just so we’re clear,” Major hissed, “I die, you die.”

Like he could tell Buck was about to attempt another joke, Major lowered his hand to grab Buck’s throat, knife flat between his fingers and Buck’s skin.

More cops were searching the parking lot. They were looking inside the cars but not under.

Ten minutes later, Athena’s voice came over one of their radios, telling them to pack it up and get going before Major and Buck could get too far ahead.

Buck closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see Major’s face twist in satisfaction.

As the parking lot emptied out, Major let go of Buck’s throat but brought the knife up to rest against his temple instead. Just a casual, gentle reminder.

They waited for at least thirty minutes after the sirens were gone and the silence was back before Major rolled out from under the truck, painfully dragging Buck up with him.

Buck went dizzy when Major suddenly yanked at his arm, turning him around with his back to Major’s chest. The knife was against Buck’s throat again, almost making him groan in annoyance on reflex.

Then he noticed. Dozens of officers had their weapons trained on them, all emerging from around each side of the building. Athena was at the forefront, eyes cold and focused solely on Major.

They’d stayed.

Buck swallowed repeatedly against the rise of panic, it tasted exactly like bile.

There were only a few possible outcomes, but at least Major and Buck were the only ones in any danger of getting hurt. Buck could work with that.

“Where’s Edmundo?” Major asked, ridiculously calm while Buck immediately started struggling in his hold.

He cried out when Major let the blade cut along Buck’s throat, shallow enough that he’d be fine, but dramatic enough that the screaming around them got louder.

“I’m here! Please, stop!” Eddie shouted, sounding too close.

Buck let out a sob, making the injury worse as his chest heaved.

Major turned to snarl his next words against Buck’s temple, loud enough for everyone to hear.

“I wasn’t gonna kill you, but now I think I might, just to see his pretty heart break. Then you’ll really know if he loves you.”

“Bit over the top, don’t you think?” Buck’s question wheezed out of him when Major pressed the dull edge of the blade against his chin, making Buck tilt his head back. He grunted when that pulled on the cuts.

Major ignored him and focused back on Eddie as he stepped into Buck’s line of sight. Buck wanted to fucking cry. He tried to shake his head, but there was a hand pulling at his hair, making him clench his jaw against the pain.

Athena jumped in, putting her gun away and making a show of holding her hands up. “Sir, can you tell me your name?”

Huffing, Major gently knocked his head against Buck’s like it was all some big joke between pals.

“Why are you all so obsessed with getting my name?”

“Jus-” Athena tried, freezing when Major made a disturbing hissing sound.

“I don’t want your rapport, or your negotiations, or your platitudes. Keep your gun out but get everyone else to back-up. I’ll only talk to him.” He jerked his chin towards Eddie. “Did your medical training cover this?”

“Whatever you need, I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever you want.”

Buck’s heart squeezed but he refused to look away, his own eyes stinging as they stayed on Eddie’s.

“Tell me, did you call him useless, too?” Major asked, a teasing lilt to his voice. “I find it works wonders to make him shut up. Gets him all sad and teary.“

Buck’s body jolted, instincts he had to ignore kicking in.

“Stop- please, just don’t-” Eddie’s voice came out shuddering through tears.

“What, don’t hurt him? A little too late for that, sweetheart.”

Eddie looked like he was about to throw up, Buck could see him trembling from there. So could Major.

“What do you think, Buck? Should we let Eddie in on another secret?”

“Don’-” Buck gasped out, interrupted by Major pushing in with the knife again, not enough to break skin. Yet.

“Then tell me what Edmundo said. Tell me and I’ll review my position.”

“Liar.” Buck gritted his teeth in anticipation when he felt Major move.

Major pulled the knife away from Buck’s throat only to rest its point against Buck’s chest. Of course it was over his fucking heart.

“You’re so cliché,” Buck scoffed, going unheard over Eddie’s frantic screaming.

“During our lovely afternoon together, did I ever lie to you?”

Buck dared send him a look over his shoulder. “No, Major, you’ve been completely honest.”

“But you’re not focusing on that, are you? That’s not the lie you think you’ve disproven.”

Buck shook his head, going still when Major dug the knife in a little, another warning.

“Either you tell me what Edmundo said, or I tell him what you said.”

Buck’s eyes automatically found Eddie’s again where he was being held up by Bobby.

“Insufferable,” Eddie whispered, breathing hitching almost violently. “That’s what you want, right? I... I said Buck was insufferable.”

Buck tried to give Eddie a reassuring smile but Eddie bowed his head, shoulders heaving.

“Well, he is. You were right, Edmundo, I probably should have taken you instead. But I don’t think you would have been quite as entertaining.” Major shrugged like he didn’t have two grown men crying for his amusement.

“This one,” Major grabbed Buck’s jaw again, fingers digging into his cheeks painfully, pulling at the cuts. “This one was so fun to play with.”

“Please let him go,” Eddie tried, eyes up again and on Major. “You got what you wanted, right? Please let him go.”

“But there are still secrets to be revealed! Or, what if I made you watch your boy here bleed to death instead?”

Bobby had to throw his arm across Eddie’s chest to hold him back.

“Eddie,” Buck breathed, vision almost too blurry to see him anymore. “I lo-”

Major suddenly screamed, his weight disappearing from Buck’s back as his ears rang.

Buck stumbled, inhaling on a sob as Athena ran over to cuff Major, putting away a rubber bullet gun. She’d gotten Major in the hipbone, a place she knew would hurt just enough to have him crumbling without having the time to stab Buck some more.

Eddie was there in a second, almost knocking Buck over backwards with the force of his embrace.

Buck’s nails ripped into Eddie’s shirt a little from how hard he gripped him. Eddie was crying into his neck, fingers digging just as hard into Buck’s shoulders. Buck didn’t feel his knees hit the ground when they both collapsed.

Then Eddie’s hands were framing his face, eyes wild as they scanned over him. Even after Buck gave him what he hoped was a comforting smile, Eddie still desperately checked him over, fingers staying gentle as they tilted Buck’s head to see the shallow cuts.

“Eddie, I’m okay. See? They won’t even need stitches. Too bad, honestly, it would have been cool to add a couple scars next to my tracheostomy hole.”

Eddie let out a small laugh that ended on an objectively gross sniff, but Buck just grinned and let his forehead rest against Eddie’s.

“I love you,” Eddie said, quiet in the space between them. “Somehow, I think that was the final secret he wanted revealed, right?”

Buck leaned back to blink in surprise. Eddie’s eyes were wide, worried as they took in Buck’s reaction.

“No- wait, holy shit? But I’m in love with you?”

A tentative smile pulled at Eddie’s lips. “You don’t sound so sure about that.”

“I am so fucking sure. He w- It was my secret, but I didn’t think... I never thought you-”

Eddie interrupted him with a kiss, soft but devastating all the same. Buck inhaled shakily through his nose and tried to press in closer as Eddie leaned away.

“You love me.” The words felt implausible in Buck’s mouth, in his voice, but Buck couldn’t help but believe them when Eddie smiled, bright and as hopeful as Buck felt.

“Yeah, dude, I really do.”

Buck snorted, rolling his eyes for show when Eddie downright caressed Buck’s cheek.

“I’m all in, I want all of it.” Eddie stopped to nudge his nose against Buck’s. “I want us to go on dates, to take silly couples’ classes, to go on boring morning walks. I want you to teach me how to cook, to pick the movie 33% percent of the time. I want you part of every family meal. Buck, Christopher already basically thinks of you as his dad, too.”

Buck made an embarrassing blubbery sound, chest hitching as he valiantly fought off a sob.

Eddie grinned, leaning up on wobbly knees to kiss Buck’s forehead, his right eyebrow, his nose, his cupid’s bow. Finally, his lips, kiss just as slow as the first but somehow overwhelmingly more intense. Buck’s head was spinning, balance going with it, even on the ground. But swaying into Eddie, knowing he would hold him up, felt like the easiest thing to do in the world.

Buck pouted when Eddie leaned back again.

“When Christopher first found out that your real first name was Evan, he got excited because that meant you and I would make EE as a couple, and that our family nickname could be EEC, pronounced ‘eek’. He said this five months after you and I met.”

“He is a god amongst men,” Buck tried to joke as he used Eddie’s sleeve to wipe his tears.

Eddie’s smile dimmed a little, thumb brushing over Buck’s cheek again.

“Buck. I’m so sorry about what I said last night, I ca- I’m just so sorry.”

Buck shook his head, immediately pulling Eddie close again. “It’s okay, you’re okay, you don’t nee-”

“I do need to. There’s no excuse for saying something so shitty, it was me I was frustrated with, and it was unfair to lash out at you because I was scared. But not believing or meaning my own words doesn’t make it okay. The last thing you are is insufferable, Buck, or, god, exhausting. You make everything feel easy, loving you is so easy. I didn’t know how to tell you that, didn’t know if I could, so I unfairly burdened you with my own shit.” Eddie made a sad noise, exhale stuttery.

“When I said you were exhausting - fuck, I can never forgive myself for that, no matter how clouded I was from how much I missed you. But you have to know that I get why you did it, Buck, the lawsuit, I know why you did it. You didn’t want to lose everything, I get that, more than you can ever know. I forgave you without hesitating because I understood, but you need to forgive yourself, too.”

Buck made a sad noise of his own, whispering Eddie’s name, who just shook his head with a smile because, apparently, he wasn’t done yet.

“You’re so fucking amazing, all of you is. You bring only good into the lives of every person who has the privilege of meeting you, you have no idea. Having you in my life, knowing you, makes me want to be a better person so I can be deserving of your kindness. You carry so much light in you, and, if you’ll let me, I want to spend the rest of my life helping you shine, making you feel loved and-”

Holding back a sob, Buck rushed forward to kiss Eddie, pressing all of his gratitude and forgiveness into Eddie’s mouth, already opening under his with a small whimper.

“I feel more like myself when I’m around you than I ever have,” Buck said, carding his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Fuck, you helped me remember who I even am. You helped me realize I could be myself, that being myself was a good thing instead of something to hide so I could survive. I’ve never had that before. You make me feel happy to be alive.”

Buck laughed a little, shaking his head at his own dramatic words, but Eddie’s tearful smile made Buck feel like he was glowing. Eddie’s kiss made him feel like he was safe and anchored. Eddie’s fingers on the side of his throat, thumb on Buck’s pulse point, carefully avoiding the cuts, also made Buck feel a tad horny.

“Can we, like, put some bandaids on him already?” Chimney sighed from next to them.

Buck whined, softly biting Eddie’s bottom lip like maybe that would keep him there. It worked for a second before Eddie pulled away, looking as breathless as Buck felt.

As much as Chimney was impatiently tapping his foot as a joke, his wide smile gave him away and there was nothing but fondness in his eyes. The rest of the team were just grinning. Bobby was definitely crying.

Eddie refused to move away, making Chimney and Hen patch Buck up on the ground with them.

Chimney took Buck’s face between his hands and gave him a soft smile before going back to disinfecting the cuts, snorting when Buck hissed.

When Eddie finally admitted his knees were hurting, they got back up, all of them making old-people noises.

The second Buck was standing upright, Bobby pretty much ran over to hug him, hand firm on the back of his head, holding him close.

Buck closed his eyes and buried his face against Bobby’s shoulder, breathing out a laugh-sob hybrid.

“You’re okay, you’re okay. I’ve got you,” Bobby whispered into Buck’s temple, arms tightening around him when Buck hiccupped.

Hen hugged him afterwards, giving his ass a light slap. Albert was next, hug crushing, almost lifting Buck off the ground.

“I guess we’re doing this now,” Athena teased, not even hesitating for a second when Buck turned towards her, gathering him into her arms.

She almost made Buck feel small, Buck loved it. After leaning back, she gave his cheek a loving pat, eyes shiny and smile bright.

Next to them, Bobby was hugging Eddie and reminding him what he’d do to him if Eddie ever hurt Buck. Then he turned to Buck and essentially said the same thing.

When everyone started packing things up, Buck tugged at Eddie until he was standing in front of him. “I want one from you, now. Complete the combo, bring it full circle.”

Eddie grinned, pulling him closer and curling his arms around Buck’s waist. Eddie rested his forehead against Buck’s chin, inhaling slowly.

Buck wrapped himself fully around Eddie, curving into his embrace.

Honestly, the only reason Buck wasn’t dragging Eddie into a secluded corner was because there were at least sixteen cameras on them, broadcasting their giddy smiles to most of LA.

Buck still made his next kiss a little dirty.

By the time they got home, Carla had printed out a screenshot of them hugging and put it on the fridge. ‘EEK!!’ was written underneath in Christopher’s handwriting followed by at least nine heart stickers.