Chapter Text
“Oh! I met the lead actress during the Festival of Movies in Venice! She and I have been talking almost everyday since then, we are like two peas in a pod!”
Marinette’s body froze at that, even if the feeling rising in her body was hot, burning rage.
Her hands tightened around the pencil she was mindlessly doodling with. No one heard the snap of it and if she felt the splinters in her palm and fingers she didn’t mind the pain one bit.
Lila’s lies always came as either a bother or an issue to face, so she tried to both keep alert but also close into her own space of mind. It was the only way to keep her stress level under control.
She couldn’t afford to be akumatized or lose her grip, not again. As much as the girl was aware of her conditions worsening mentally, physically and emotionally, due to Lila’s bullying, Master Fu’s loss and the guardianship now on her shoulders, she didn’t have a stable figure to confine in and allow herself to just be weak.
Well, she had Chat Noir, but he already had to hold her when she cried about her unforgivable mistake and probably was plenty worried about her. This without even taking into account his own civilian life.
Maybe her fear was that he was, indeed, her greatest support and pillar and that potentially, once she allowed herself to break down to him, she would never get back up.
Her trust in him was greater than any mistrust in herself, but didn’t want to risk losing him too.
Not like she lost Adrien.
Marinette used to think he would stand by her side and apparently things did get better between them since Lila started planting discord in her life. At least in principle.
Yes, his advice of taking the high road pretty much failed in her case, but for a while he stood by his promise of dealing with things together. He was a bit obvious with handling these kinds of social matters, but he meant well.
They spent more time together when possible and got to know each other more. And while the class representative had to take distance from her other classmates, Adrien tried, when involved, to smooth things out and give her support.
Then, when Lila’s bullying worsened and she needed his friendship the most, he almost vanished.
She didn’t really jump on the idea of him avoiding her and didn’t really hold grudges either, it was no secret his schedule was tight and Gabriel Agreste’s A+ parenting rules… sucked.
It wouldn’t have hurted so much, it wouldn’t have planted seeds of doubt and despair in her if she didn’t find him hugging Lila.
The fact it happened while she was swinging as Ladybug to Master Fu and it led to his identity being compromised by HawkMoth and consequential death… it was on her.
But it just was a reason more to why she had to walk away from him, to avoid more fractures cracking her.
After weeks of struggle in every single fragment of her life, Marinette arrived at the conclusion that she needed to give up some things. Bitterly, her friends were included in the equation.
Letting Lila badmouth her, isolating herself because of her secret duties and anxieties; it was no secret by now that between her classmates and her there was like an invisible doom.
It wasn’t a clear gap, there wasn’t a big event breaking all their ties. But it didn’t take much for someone even slightly involved in their group of acquaintances to feel it.
At the start they made efforts to make her feel included, but then something always got in the way. Her inability to let go of stress, her secret identity alongside its responsibility and guilt, their skepticism in the whole Marinette-Lila dynamic, Lila herself, her other duties…
Now they wouldn’t force her to hang out with them anymore, they wouldn’t engage directly in a conversation and didn’t ask her anything but the necessary. And as much as their talks went okay when it couldn’t be avoided to have one, the bitterness of how unsettling it felt to even just stand side by side with them was painful to bear.
So she tried desperately to let things happen and to not think about it.
Controlling her anxiety was hard enough and she was aware she was failing badly at basically everything in her life, so she had to keep hold desperately of what was still salvable.
Keeping her grades decent enough to secure a good fashion school for her future, even if she could barely get any sketch done.
And so, not disappointing her parents, who seemed unaware of what to do with her anymore.
Keeping the city safe, which was her top priority and something she couldn’t even allow herself to fail. Screw her personal life, the safety of millions, minimum, was on her shoulders.
She was one of the only pillars keeping their reality standing, everything else came after.
She couldn’t disappoint her city, as true as it was that its people were very much able to turn their back to her if she failed them once more.
She couldn’t disappoint Master Fu’s memory, as much as she despised him deep inside for throwing at her the burdens of a world without even giving her a say in it.
She couldn’t disappoint her kitty, her only safe shore.
Or Adrien, even if she didn’t know where their friendship stood at the moment.
The lack of clarity of their bond however didn’t turn her ears deaf to the comment Lila made.
It didn’t prevent her burning rage from growing.
The conversation started from Nino, who was making research on white and black movies and one thing after another, the topic touched one of the Graham Family productions; Solitude.
Marinette still held dear in her heart the memory of the day she got to know about the movie. Sure she had to run around Paris in pajamas with Adrien to escape his wave of fans and went through more than enough embarrassing scenarios… but it was also one of the first times she caught a glimpse of a much more… personal and truer Adrien. The first step to get to know him a bit better.
She could never forget the guy’s excitement and wonder at his mother’s name flashing on the screen of the theater. His glimmering eyes, that expressed longing and child-like enthusiasm.
She loved that side of him, one that sadly he shared rarely.
Not that she did much to allow him to open up more like that with her at the start, considering he already is more closed off than it seems.
And with that expression of her friend in mind, she let Lila’s words sink into her and nurture pure venom in her blood.
“But I’ll tell you a secret, she is a bit… clingy and haughty. I guess it’s just the fame…”
She stood up, the chattering of her classmates the only thing covering the slamming of her hands on the desk. Long forgotten was her sketchbook and ignored the small whispering of her Kwami trying to get her to chill.
“She confided to me that her son is really ungrateful and rude, he cares only about her money, so I guess she is seeking that child-figure to take care of…”
With a calmer soul, the bluenette would have wondered how at least Nino didn’t know a thing about the movie’s background. Or if Lila really knew about who she was spitting lies about.
But her soul was a confusing mess, scalpitating as if a monster was eating her inside. Her body felt controlled by an unstoppable and ferocious force, driven by a killing instinct. A very different fuel from the one that drove her Ladybug persona, even in moments of anger.
Her feelings totally indecipherable, she felt as if her breath was getting stopped by the fullness pervading her body. Her lungs, her belly, her throat and her brain felt filled, flooded even…
“And I don’t have it in me to hurt her, you know?”
Air was not circulating in her body. Her head was feeling hot and things around her were a confusing and unclear mass. People she didn’t know she was passing by, desks she was avoiding… only one target in her mind. The rest didn’t exist.
She didn’t notice her classmates chatting halting and their eyes falling on her.
“After all I see her almost as a mother-”
*SLAP*
No thought tried to stop her, no ringing bell to prevent a stupid action. No filter, no danger signals in her range of view. If there were any, she clearly didn’t even recognise them.
The first feeling that brought her to the earth was her hand hanging in the air, opposite to its side of provenience. She couldn’t however perceive the stiffness of her palm and its dark pink stamp on its surface went unnoticed to her eyes.
Fiery, passionate and burning eyes made contrast to the cold color of her crystal irises. Yet, in their own fire they screamed for help. Any grip to her safe mindset was lost. She was out in the open now, unsafe, an easy target and she put herself in that position. Even if she seemed a warrior beast in front of its prey now sitting on the ground and touching the sore spot on her cheek.
Marinette’s body was still boiling, but her face was pale and ghostly and she was sweating cold.
A frame that gave away the appearance of a sure, aggressive and massive person, but a simple change of filter could instead paint the reality of how unstable, fragile, small and shattered she felt, standing there with labored breath and trembling shoulders.
The real prey standing above her aggressore ad wearing its clothes.
Her explosion must have left an impact, because not only her classmates were frozen in shock, but Lila too seemed surprised by such a reaction, confirming her ignorance over the topic she was blabbering about and the relation it had to Adrien and then Marinette.
“If you speak again about Adrien’s mother like that-” She wanted to say, but her mouth wouldn’t move. The rigidity in her body, the air still hanging in her throat and not finding a way out…
Just standing there and vibrating, on the verge between overwhelming anger and anguish.
She gave that way all the time to her “victim” to recover from the shock and not waste the occasion, crying her eyes out and clasping her visibly red mark on her face.
“MARINETTE!!”
With a good chunk of lateness, the reaction arrived, but she couldn’t spare any attention to it, her mind was both too absent from reality and ironically too focused on it. How could she feel so stranger to the situation but also be so involved?
The voices around her were a faint ringing in her head, and her eyes could clearly see some of her classmates hovering over the liar, while someone’s hands pushed her to the side and grabbed her clothes with some kind of urgency and harshness.
“What’s going on here?!”
“It’s-...”
“Lila was-”
“Marinette-...”
Marinette didn’t put up any resistance, she was easily taken to the side, so perhaps the strength of the hold of whoever was keeping her cornered was due to the rigidity she still felt in all her body.
Because she really wouldn’t be able to strike any further even if she wanted.
“Dupain-Cheng, to the principal office.”
Suddenly, a voice so distinctive from the mass dragged violently her conscience back into her body, to then become all numb and lifeless. She found no strength to pull away from Kim’s grip, to answer to Nino’s confused pleads and questions, to look into Alya’s frantic and scolding eyes or even try to defend and justify herself in front of her teacher’s strict, filled with disappointment, order.
She was aware of the concerned yet angry glares sinking in her back, she was aware of the hidden grin plastered on Lila’s face, she was prepared for the colorful looks she would soon receive from the rest of the teachers, the principal and then her parents…
The gravity of the situation was falling on her like an avalanche at every step she took, the only thing keeping her knees from falling was the still present memory of Adrien’s eyes admiring his mother’s figure on the screen.
That was a reminder that she may be disappointed in herself, but at least not disgusted.
Staying silent while Lila badmouthed Emilie Agreste? Her actual or past crush and dear friend’s mother? Mother he lost unfairly?
No. Adrien didn't deserve that, a person like him didn't deserve any bad. Even the smallest.
Maybe Adrien didn’t stand by her side anymore, but she stood by his.
“I hope you’re aware of the severity of the actions that occurred today” the principal’s stern voice cut through her thoughts.
Marinette couldn’t bring herself to speak with a stable voice, producing a faint mumble while she nodded “She was lying and speaking ill about Adrien’s mother…”
It wasn't really a way to defend herself, but to defend Adrien and his mother's honor.
Miss Bustier, who she just noticed in the room alongside Mr. Monlataing and Mr. D’Argencourt, slipped a look of surprise but understanding on her face. Even if she blatantly didn’t know if she believed her student’s words and was aware of the situation being messed up, she seemed almost relieved to know that Marinette’s reasons weren’t trivial.
Surely Marinette wasn’t anymore the kind of student she once thought to know, but she still hoped for the best when it came to her, she wanted to trust her heart’s place.
The resignation with whom the girl spoke screamed honesty to her.
At the admission, even Miss Mendeleiev tried to hide sympathy. She was strict and never stood for nonsense, so usually she wouldn’t care about such explanations that could as well be plain excuses to create fuss. However, for the same reasons and beliefs, she also knew about Lila’s nonsense.
But apparently Mr. Damocles’s rised eyebrow expressed his indifference to the reasons brought up.
“Regardless of the veracity of your excuse…” He spoke, leaving no room to argue “Assaulting another student is an action we don’t condone under any circumstance… well, it’s up to debate in case of self-defense, but I’d say this isn’t the case”
The silence that followed in the room seemed to be settled for her to just speak up. Marinette had at hand situations to explain her entire situation and make her reaction fall under some sort of self-defense.
Mrs. Bustier’s glance was almost pleading for her to speak more, to not crush the last expectations she held towards the girl. The last faith and admiration after the constant low grades, the lack of participation with her classmates, her lateness, the missed assignments…
A lot of students could fall under pressure for multiple reasons and she’d rather, sadly, consider Marinette one of them instead of bitterly accepting a bad change into the girl.
“Please Marinette, say something. Anything at this point…”
Yet, all the words Marinette wanted to speak, all the months of bullying and threats didn’t let themselves be addressed. It would have been just a big rant with no back-up proofs, it would seem a pitiful whine to excuse her recklessness.
“I-I…” Marinette tried desperately, but her body just shut off the moment the Principal interrupted her.
If she was encouraged a minimum before, if she had the perfect occasion, now it was all once again a worthless fight she couldn’t stand.
Too many battles and one she was bound to lose.
“I’m very disappointed, you gave me and everyone else, very different prospects Marinette…” Damocles sighed “I’ll have to call your parents. You’re suspended for the rest of the week. I also expect your teachers to take the situation as a chance to help you with your slipping grades”
He launched a warning glaze towards Marinette’s teachers, receiving some hesitant nods. It wasn’t really allowed by procedures. Extra homework in French schools was assigned only to make during additional hours but that would fall into school ones. The lack of teachers who would stay after-school was close to none, so there wasn’t a real way to punish her furthermore, if not by mending the rules a bit in a not so obvious way.
Her grades were going to be used as a silent excuse for double assignments to punish her for her actions.
No one had the courage to even think of having some mercy on the girl, or remind of Lila’s supposed actions and possible consequences for her. The perspective of getting on the wrong side of a diplomat’s daughter was far worse for Damocles and the other workers were aware.
Marinette didn’t even have the strength to blame them. Knowing the Principal’s ways, he could have them fired or punished even if it went against the protocol.
Mr. Damocles took the phone in his hands and started searching through the computer’s files for Marinette’s parents’ number, signaling her to go outside the office “Go out for a moment, I need to sort out some things, when your parents are informed we’ll finalize your suspension.”
The teenager made no attempt to defend herself anymore, nodding humbly and turning towards the exit, accompanied by Bustier.
The voice of man however halted her one last time “I also highly recommend you to resign from your position as Class representative, seeing your actions unfit with the role” He shot at her, but way more pressuring than an advice. It almost seemed like she was allowed any say. “If you’re unset to give a good example, leave it to someone who can.”
“B-But-”
“Marinette.” Bustier’s voice interrupted her, accompanied by a light squeeze on her shoulder. The bluenette’s tired but frantic eyes met her teacher’s ones. Sad, resigned, disappointed, but also held some traces of compassion and careful warning. “I think it would be for the best.”
Maybe it was to save her from the humiliation of being stripped from the role.
Maybe because it was a reminder of the simple reality that she wasn’t in the condition to hold one more responsibility, not when she was already falling behind with her classes. Maybe it was to settle the plain truth that she wasn’t trusted with the role anymore.
To clarify that the one supposed to give a good example couldn’t anymore.
The one supposed to bear it all couldn’t bring herself to.
It just wasn’t the case anymore, there weren’t conditions.
And Marinette, albeit frustrated, was even surer to not have the strength to fight anymore. “Yes…”
One last squeeze on her shoulder, but she didn’t know if it was to give her comfort or to bid goodbye to a big part of the Marinette everyone knew.
The one they could count on.
Their good example.
…
“Before you go, is there anything you should say to Lila?” Damocles intimated Marinette while she stood in front of the class, her parents behind her and a mass of eyes pointed at her.
Lila’s small smile hid her enjoyment in seeing her taken from any dignity, but she couldn’t know Marinette felt enough lack of self-worth to not really be able to feel worse. She already lost her friends, parents and teachers’ trust. Or her own trust in herself. She couldn’t lose anything more out of this.
“I’m sorry Lila” she admitted “For acting with violence. It’s never the answer”
She paid no attention to Alya’s doubtful yet sorrowful expression, frustrated over what to do, what to believe. Incapable of accepting her friend had changed and this was the definitive proof of it.
How did a simple jealousy over a crush escalate to completely making another person out of her best friend? Maybe she could have done something to prevent it? To save the old Marinette?
Did she know her friend at all? Or did she know her but couldn’t help her enough and made some huge mistakes?
All she knew was that when she noticed things started changing it was too late.
Could she really be considered a good hero who saves Paris if she couldn’t even save her best friend from herself?
Her faint hopes crushed when Marinette spoke again “But I’m not sorry for standing up against you. If anything, I blame myself for waiting so long”
A few gasps were heard, followed by some angry scowls. Some classmates were angry, some just confused and sad, some others disappointed.
They just couldn’t explain themselves why things took that turn, how their happy bubble exploded, while Tom and Sabine guided Marinette away from the classroom.
“If only I acted before…” was all Alya and Marinette could incriminate to themselves, but thinking about two very different reasons.
