Chapter Text
Alex’s life is made up of simple facts.
He organizes said facts into lists, because that’s what he always does. Lists are his best friend. They are how he gets his jumbled thoughts in his messed up brain down into one place—how he makes sense of all the good and the bad and everything in between.
These facts consist of points that he has been adding since he was a child. They almost never changed. He’s consistent like that, because once he makes up his mind, hardly anything can convince him otherwise.
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2. He will never turn into his parents. no matter what.
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3. lacrosse is one of the only things that calms his mind
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4. he’s straight (despite what some might think, making out and getting off with his friend in high school was completely platonic. Bros being bros—a normal teenage experience, even. It didn’t mean anything)
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5. He absolutely despises June’s best friend Henry.
That’s it. That is who he is. Sure, some might say that having “despising Henry” as a factor of who he is
is dramatic—childish, even, but not to Alex. It’s truly something that he consideres apart of what made him him.
Henry is the world's rudest person.
How June could stand to be in a room with him for more than 2 minutes, he doesn’t know.
The guy is just downright irritating. He thinks he is better than absolutely everyone. He’s obnoxious—a snob. He walks around with his perfect shiny hair and his posh accent and—ugh, Alex just can’t fucking stand him. And it isn’t like he doesn't have a reason for it, either. Oh, no, he had a reason all right.
Henry transferred to their school from London. Why Austin, of all places, no one knew. Well, June probably did, but the guy didnt fucking give him the time of day, so there was no chance that he’d ever know. Alex was in 7th grade, June and Henry in 8th, and to the kids at school, he was fresh meat. Everyone wanted to be the one to convert him to their friend group—every girl saw him as a new possibility—a new pair of lips to daydream about—and Henry seemed to be having none of it. Alex clocked his look of discomfort from a mile away. So, being the nice guy he was, he decided that he’d help Henry adjust to middle school life in America. Well, turns out Henry didn’t even want to fucking look at him for more than 5 fucking seconds.
Alex remembers that day in detail. The way Henry’s gaze flickered to his eyes, the way he immediately looked down as if he wanted to be anywhere else but there. He remembered introducing himself, turning sideways to point something out, and looking back to see Henry walking away before he could even finish his sentence. Ouch.
He also remembers the feeling of seeing said bane of his existence standing in his house, laughing with his sister, friendly as can be. Ah. So he wasn’t a complete dick. He just didn’t like Alex.
Now Alex wouldn’t call himself a sensitive person, in fact, he’s far from it. He could take a joke like a champ . But he could admit that Henry’s rejection? It fucking hurt.
So, he did what any other 12 year old would do. He spat insults at every chance he could.
He and Henry had worked up a solid rivalry throughout the years, but, much to Alex’s chagrin, the asshole didn’t seem to be going anywhere. He was June’s best friend through and through. Alex thought it was a load of bull.
And look, Alex doesn’t have a problem with a guy and a girl being friends. It was fine. Girls can have guy friends if they wanted and that doesn’t mean they have to fall headfirst into love with each other, but his brotherly instincts found it quite offensive that Henry didn’t seem to think June’s good enough for him. They had been friends for years, and Henry hadn’t even looked twice.
Alright, so maybe Alex was just adding things to his list of reasons to hate Henry—oh yeah, there was a list for that too—but who cares? There were so many reasons that it would hardly be surprising if he thought he was too good for June. He’s just obnoxious like that. A total dickwad. Alex fucking hates him.
His Henry list is perfectly justifiable, too.
- He acted as if Alex didn’t exist when all he tried to do was help him at school
- He was a snobbish, rich white boy who hasn’t had a days work in his life
- He ignored Alex
- He thinks he is better than everyone (that one wasn’t confirmed, but he can just tell, ok?)
- His clothes are fucking boring—would it kill him to add a bit of color to his life?
- His fucking posh accent
- His dog's name is DAVID.
- He is NOT 6’2
- He don’t appreciate June the way she deserves
- Half of his family are raging racists
- His hair is never messed up—not one strand out of place—no matter the conditions
- His eyes are so blue it was distracting
- He is just an overall dick, ok?
- His family gushes over him as if he isn’t the worst person in the entire world
And the newest, most recent reason…
- He attended the exact college Alex had just been accepted into.
Just his fucking luck.
“I can’t believe my itty bitty baby brother is going off to college!” Was the first thing he hears June squeal into the phone after he picks up. He was in the middle of packing because, for some stupid reason, he decided to leave it until the last morning.
“Bug, you’re literally one year older than me,” he complains while he continues filling his suitcase. He checks off the mental list of things he needs to bring with him to NYU.
“One year older and one year wiser.”
“That just means I’ll be young and beautiful while you’re all old and wrinkly,” he retorts, and she snorts.
“Sure, bud. Seriously though, how are you feeling? You nervous?” She asks, and Alex sighs in response. Truth was, despite his confident demeanor, he was terrified. It’s not like he hadn't been away from home before, but this felt like an entire new ballfield—one step closer to being an adult; one step closer to growing up.
“Yeah, Bug, I’ll be fine. It’ll be fun, right?” He tries not to let the nerves show in his voice.
“It’ll be ok, Alex. I’m sure you’ll fit right in and make tons of friends. Plus, Nora and Henry will both be there to support you if you need a shoulder to lean on. And isn’t Liam going there too?”
Yeah, Liam was, and wouldn’t that just be great, (re: awkward), but he chooses to ignore that question because he absolutely has to let her know how insane she sounds right now. “Yeah,” he scoffs, “I’m sure Henry would love to be a guiding light in my college experience.”
He hears June’s eye roll through the speaker. “I really don’t get what you have against him. He’s literally the sweetest person in the entire universe. Like, I can count the number of times he’s done something rude on one hand, and the number of times he hasn’t felt extraordinarily guilty for it the next second on a single finger.” It’s Alex’s turn to roll his eyes this time. Were they even talking about the same person here? “I’m sure he’d be happy to help you settle in. You’re close enough in age that you’ll get along just fine. You’ve known him for years.” Alex works on folding up his sweatshirts as small as possible to be able to fit them in the suitcase. Maybe he shouldn’t have declined his mom’s offer to help him pack.
“No, June, you’ve known him for years. I’ve put up with his BS for years. He’s a total jerk, Bug, I don’t get what you see in him.” He stuffs his lacrosse hoodie into the small space he has left. Yep , he definitely should have let his mom help him.
“Just try to get to know him, Alex. I promise you he’s great—shit, I gotta go baby bro, my roommate just got back. Text me when you get to your dorm, ok? I love you.”
“Love you too, bug,” He says before she hangs up.
Alex thinks of Henry’s stupid hair and his perfectly symmetrical face and his eyes that look as if they were made up of the literal ocean. Hehis full pink lips— He grimaces. This is going to be a long year.
Getting settled in his dorm was hardly the affair that people made it out to be. After sending a quick text to June to let her know that he had made it in alright, he quickly unpacked his bags on the left side of the room. He meets his roommate quickly upon arriving. He seemed to be a nice guy, which was an absolute godsend for Alex, considering the fact that he was expecting the worst. Spencer was just an overall chill dude, and he could honestly see them being friends in the future. Alex learned that he was into reading and his boyfriend, who he had met over the summer for a writing program at NYU, played lacrosse too, which gave Alex a spark of hope at yet another possible friendship.
Apparently there is a party tonight to welcome new students which Spencer got invited to, and he ever so generously extended his invite to Alex, meaning that he would no longer be staying in for the night. Go him, making new friends and getting invited to a party all on his first day! He shoots a text to Nora to ask if she could come with him, because, despite being a social butterfly, as June often called him, he always needed his best friend in his corner.
To: Irl chaos demon
Yo Nora, party tonight at Kappa Sigma, wanna come?
From: Irl chaos demon
Pick me up on your way and I’ll be there 😉
Typical Nora. He types out a quick response to tell her the details and then sets his phone down to continue setting up his side of the room.
His mind wanders to Henry. God, why did it always go to Henry whenever he has a moment of quiet? Yet another reason to add to his list. Henry takes up too much space in his life.
After picking up Nora, who looks fantastic as always, the pair make their way to the address that Spencer texted him. Immediately upon entering the house, the smell of sweat and alcohol assaults his scenes. Not surprising, to say the least, given the amount of bodies filling up the space.
He feels hands and shoulders brush against him as they make their way through the main room to the kitchen, picking up an empty red solo cup and pouring the first bottle of vodka he can find into it and taking a large gulp. Disgusting. He loves it .
“Slow down, Alejandro, party just started,” Nora laughs.
“Can’t help it, I haven't had a drink in at least a week. It’s been torture.”
“That sounds super healthy.” Her tone is full of sarcasm and Alex laughs giddily, the alcohol already kicking in and making his head dizzy in the best way. Nora rolls her eyes lovingly, nudging her shoulder against his. The music is loud in his ears, the drums rhythm pounding throughout his body, and all of a sudden he remembers how much he had missed this. The noise; the crowd; the feeling. He loves it all. He takes another shot. He thinks he’s on his third by now. He’s not keeping track. This is his time to have fun before college actually starts and the weight of everything starts bearing down on his shoulders. Ok, maybe this wasn’t the best way to deal with his problems, but he just wanted to let loose right now.
The opening notes of get low come out of the speakers and he and Nora share a look before she puts her hand in his and pulls him out to the makeshift dance floor in the enormous frat house they are currently inhabiting.
“Song of our childhood!” Nora screams into his ear over the music, and he laughs along with her. Bopping his head to the beat, he dances along with the other bodies all around the room, falling into a steady rhythm. He can taste the vodka on his tongue, the bitterness that it left, and can feel the buzz that it brang him. It made him feel everything and nothing at all at the exact same time—hazy in a way that he revels in.
It’s only when everyone quite literally “gets low” that he sees the flash of blonde hair in the corner of the room, leaning against a wall, looking to be having the absolute worst time of his life. Their eyes meet and Alex grimaces, quickly turning his attention back to the bodies grinding all around him. He is pulled back into the song as if that little moment had never even occurred. Good , he thinks. Henry doesn’t deserve even a second of my attention.
Why he decided to go and bug Henry was a mystery. If you asked Alex, he would immediately blame the alcohol (of which he’s drowned himself in by the time midnight came around.)
“Henry,” he drawls, pushing up against the blonde, arm around his shoulder. Henry visibly tenses.
“Hello, Alex,” he grimaced, noticing the state Alex was in almost immediately—the flush of his cheeks and the dropping of his eyes.
“You’re like a wet blanket, dude, loosen up!” Alex took another sip of the drink he was nursing, grimacing at the taste. “Have a drink man, here try this,” he says, and shoves his half full cup into Henry’s face. His nose scrunches, and he pushes the drink away. “C’mon Henry,” he drawles, drawing out the syllables.
“I am quite alright, Alexander. And I rather think you’ve had enough of these yourself,” he says, plastering on a smile that Alex could tell was 100% fake. The prick.
“You’re no fun, your majesty,” Alex complains as Henry snatches the drink out of his hand and holds it over his head.
Henry rolls his eyes. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, Alex, but just because I’m British does not mean that I am anything close to related to the royal family.” Alex grumbles something under his breath and attempts to grab the cup back from Henry. Yet another thing to add to his list of reasons he hates Henry.
“Whatever you say, princess.”
Henry’s cheeks turn pink—the tips of his ears closer to red—before his expression quickly closes up. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Well, as lovely as it was to see you, Alexander, I think it’s time for us to both go home.”
“You’re not the boss of me, asshole,” Alex snarls. “Now give me back my drink.”
“Alex, you’ve had enough.”
Enough of you, Alex thinks bitterly. His senses were hazy, and he could feel the anger boil up in his blood. “You’re not in charge of me, Henry! You’re such a dick!”
The next thing he knew, the drink had spilled down the front of Henry’s sweater. Great .
He wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache and no recollection of what had happened the night before. He groans as the feeling of dread washes over him. When he finally blinks his eyes open, he finds himself face to face with Nora, who is, like the Angel she is, holding up Advil and water, which he quickly snatches from her with a mumble of thanks. He pops the pills in his mouth and swallows them down with a sip of water. He hadn’t realized how dry his mouth was until now.
“What happened last night?” He pulls at the loose threads of the blanket, sitting up on the couch and tucking his knees into his chest. Nora is back at the kitchen counter across from the couch pouring a cup of coffee into his mug.
Nora didn’t live in the dorms after her first year because she could not stand all the noise they entailed, and she needed her alone time (to study? To code? Alex doesn’t even know). Alex envies her immensely.
She places the cup in front of him on a coaster, sitting down beside his curled up frame. “Alejandro, you’re such a mess,” she says lovingly, putting her arm around him. Alex groans, his head falling into his hands. “No one really saw much. That is, until you spilled your drink all over June’s best friend and called him a dick.” He groans again, long and drawn out, into his palms that currently cover his face. “By the way, that man is fine.”
“Nora, no! He’s obnoxious! I—“
“Yes Alex, we all know you hate him. You talk about it on the daily.” Alex grumbles in response, fingers still picking at the blanket until Nora slaps his hands away. “Stop destroying my property!”
“Then get a new blanket, Nora, you’ve had this one since you were like two. It’s practically falling apart!” He defends himself, hands in the air. Nora laughs, which causes Alex to laugh along with her for a total of two seconds before his headache comes back at full strength, and he groans for what felt like the tenth time that day.
“I just hate him, Nora,” he starts, and Nora hits him with a pillow.
Stumbling hungover into his dorm room and seeing Liam was one of the last things he would have ever expected. Seeing Liam on top of his roommate with no shirt on was definitely the very last.
And Alex, being the wordsmith he is, made them aware of his arrival with a shocked “oh.”
The two men jump off of each other in an instant, Liam grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his brown, now messed up hair. Inside out…and backwards. Their eyes meet and Liam’s face pales instantly. “Alex?”
Alex scratches at the back of his head nervously. The thoughts running through his head were stumbling freely right now—all over the place, falling over one another in a race to get to the front of his mind. Liam was gay? Maybe not gay, but…he obviously likes guys. Was what we did….was that gay? Was that a thing? Were they—
“Alex, you good man?” It was Spencer this time, voice soft and eyes full of concern.
“Shit—yeah, yeah, sorry. Hey Liam,” he finished awkwardly, a nervous smile plastered on his face.
They had been the best of friends. Inseparable through all of middle school. Being on the lacrosse team was one of the many things they had in common, along with both being co captions, and they often went to each others houses to fuck around and play video games or discuss strategies for their team. When High school came, they started out just the same. As close as can be.
They didn’t share many classes, unlike middle school, but they made it work. The boys spent the days, and sometimes the nights (on the days where Alex’s parents were out working, or, in recent cases, arguing), and their conversations seemed to never end. There was no shortage of things for the pair to talk about. Where Nora was his other closest friend, Liam was like his other half. Sometimes Alex thought they were soulmates. Platonic. Obviously. They were just that good of friends.
Liam was his shoulder to cry on when his dad left without a word, and Alex knew that he would never be able to repay him for the support that his friend had shown him.
The first time it happened was junior year on a night where Alex’s mom was out late, not able to be home until early morning, and June was at a concert with Henry. Alex didn’t like to be alone. He didn’t like it when the house was empty and he was left unattended with his thoughts. Liam seemed shifty that day, like he wasn’t fully there, so Alex crawled into his bed and set up his laptop, putting on Lord of the rings (because Liam had somehow never seen it, and Alex thought that was simply unacceptable).
Liam’s eyes were wide the second their lips pulled apart, and he seemed so scared and vulnerable and Alex just wanted his friend to be happy again. At least that was the excuse he told himself once he leaned back in and planted his lips on the brunette’s.
These make out sessions became common after that. They didn’t go any further than kissing, and they never talked about it. It was just a friend thing.
The first time they got each other off was when Alex suggested watching porn together while drunk off their asses in Liam’s huge king sized bed. He doesn’t know why he did it other than the alcohol clouding his brain, but then they were kissing and watching the computer and hands were scrambling to get into each other’s pants. Soft moans and pants were let out between greedy kisses, crying out as they came into each other’s hands.
They didn’t talk about it. They were friends. And then they grew apart as senior year came around. Liam seemed distant and cold and Alex was too focused on getting into college than finding out why. And one day, their nightly visits became so rare until they just…completely stopped. They didn’t talk about it.
“You two know each other?” Spencer asks curiously, none the wiser to Alex’s internal panic.
“Yeah, Spence, Alex and I are like childhood best friends, I’ve told you about him. Just uh—just never mentioned his name.”
“Oh,” Spencer says with a laugh, and then looks up at Alex, whose eyes are wide. “ Oh,” he says again, this time with understanding clouding his tone.
Alex laughs nervously, eager to get out of the room and anywhere else. “Well…I just had to grab something. Good to see you Liam. I’m just gonna…” he points in the direction of the door and stumbles out quickly.
He realizes after that he did not, in fact, grab anything.
Liam wasn’t straight. This changes everything.
He comes back to his room late in the hopes that Spencer would be asleep and they could just…pretend nothing happened.
He wasn’t.
“Hey man,” Spencer smiles from his bed, a book in hand.
“Hey Spencer,” he says in a reply, grabbing his clothes to change into.
He pulls off the shirt he’s currently wearing, which he has been wearing since the party last night, and quickly shoves his arms and head into his old lacrosse practice shirt. As he’s unbuckling his belt, Spencer speaks again. “You know I don’t care, right?” Alex turns to face him instantly.
“What—um—what d’you mean?”
Spencer laughs. “About Liam. You seemed totally spooked earlier. It’s totally fine. And Liam misses you.” Alex looks at him disbelievingly. “I swear! He mentions you a lot. You should hang with us some time. Bring Nora! And that other guy. What’s his name? The one you were talking to at the party. Blonde; looks like a Disney prince…”
“Absolutely not! Henry is a total dick. He’s my sister’s best friend, but we absolutely despise each other. I would never willingly hang out with him outside of school. Ever ,”
Spencer laughs loudly. “Whatever you say, man. But trust me, ok? We’re good.”
“Cool. Yeah— uh, ok, cool,” He finishes lamely, giving a tentative smile.
“I’m just sorry we put you in the position that forced you to come out before you were ready.”
Alex’s eyebrows furrow. “Oh—uh—I’m not gay.”
Spencer’s eyebrows almost hit his hairline with how high they raise. “What?” He exclaims, dropping his book and sitting up to look at his roommate, who at that point had finished changing and was currently sprawled out on his bed. “I’m sorry, Alex. What?”
“Yeah. I mean. Liam and I were just friends. Like, y’know. It wasn’t like that.”
“Oh my lord,” Spencer says, pinching the bridge of his nose and mumbling something under his breath that sounded something along the lines of “boys” and “idiots.”
“Well, I’m gonna go brush my teeth and then I need to hit the hay. I’m exhausted. Gotta get my sleep schedule in check for these school bonding activities this week.”