Chapter Text
It had been early when Chifuyu finally left his den.
Home, he told himself he would go.
But in the midst of all he had been doing the entire week, he forgot which home he should have been thinking about.
His mind was full of names. His mother. Baji-san. Ryusei. Takemichi. Toman. Draken. Pet shop. D&D. Peke J. And…
He lost sight of who exactly he was, for a handful of hours, wandering across the district with no real destination in mind.
By the time his mind cleared, the home he ended up visiting wasn’t one that belonged to him yet. Himself wasn’t sure when that knowledge finally registered in the back of his brain.
Was it when he first stopped at the juvenile prison’s gate?
When he gave the name for the appointment?
Or was it when he sat, in front of who had held his psyche for the last two years… No, that was not quite right.
Was it when he started talking?
Or when he left, with no idea how to say goodbye?
Chifuyu did not know.
He only knew that, by the time he was exposed to the outside world again, he had visited an old friend that was not a friend yet, and that perhaps it wasn’t such a bad thing that he had done so.
Even if he had lost track of time.
When he found another of his few homes again, it was afternoon. The rare sunlight that had happened upon Tokyo the previous week was nowhere to be found anymore, and autumn had reasserted its domination over the world.
Yet, it wasn’t as cold as before. Even if he didn’t know what ‘before’ stood for to him, right now.
All he knew was that Baji-san was right here, staring from a distance with surprise glinting in his wide predator eyes. Pronouncing his name as though Chifuyu had disappeared for years on end, as though it wasn’t Baji who had left him all alone for twelve years. All he saw was Baji and Ryusei running toward him, with too heavy emotions in their eyes for his tired mind to register properly.
And suddenly, he was just a little kid once more, holding back his nervosity like he’d done something bad and thinking I’m so screwed, feeling as though he was that young boy again who kept on getting in trouble, and he didn’t know how to feel about it. Ultimately, perhaps… it made him just a tad lighter that before.
…Keeping the darkness at bay.
“Ah… Long time no see?”
No shit Sherlock.
That was Ryusei’s first thought, to his absolute shame.
His first reaction was to stay rooted to the ground, stunned stupid by the mundane appearance of who they had been looking for since the previous Monday. Blinking numbly at the apparition. He was also not very proud of that.
Before he could do or think any more stupid shit, thankfully or for the worst, Baji acted.
And looking at him for only a fraction of second, it was basic instinct on Ryusei’s part for all of his brain and leg power to focus on stopping him.
Ryusei ran after Baji with all his might. He saw in slow motion how Chifuyu’s smile distorted into a nervous expression, that later turned defeated, oscillating between fond and resigned.
Then, Baji was at Chifuyu’s throat.
“You Bastard!”
“Baji, stop, this is not a good idea!”
“Where have you been?!”
“Baji!”
“I think… gonna throw up-”
“Are you Stupid! AH!?”
Ryusei watched with a sort of amazed horror as his captain violently shook their friend by the neck and the collar, before punching him in the face as he let go. Baji looked like a demon. It was terrifying. Ryusei didn’t want to be Chifuyu right now.
Chifuyu rubbed at his abused cheek, his knees a little wobbly as he straightened and looked at them again, seeming somewhat confused. Seeing as he had trouble finding words, Ryusei decided to intervene.
“That’s enough, Baji. If you assault him, he won’t be able to speak. Let him breathe,” with these conciliatory words, he put his palm on top of Baji’s shoulder to stop him from acting anymore impulsively.
Of course, him reining in his captain did not mean he wasn’t also upset. His dark eyes sharpened as they locked with Chifuyu’s dazed ones.
“He’s right, Chifuyu. You’re lucky enough we didn’t tell your mother that you were nowhere to be found. Now, I think you owe us something of an explanation, don’t you think?” he raised an eyebrow, prompting.
Chifuyu had the merit of looking slightly guilty. The boy looked away, mumbling.
“I… I’m sorry I didn’t warn anyone. I just had some shit to… take care of. Did I… miss anything important?”
Ryusei didn’t like that reaction at all. First off, the fact that Chifuyu disappeared in thin air just like that in the first place was fishy as heck. But Chifuyu wouldn’t react like that… He would be angry, especially since it was Ryusei who was telling him off now. Third off… ‘miss anything important?’ Ryusei pressed his lips together.
The other would know to assume that meant trouble for him were he not looking about anywhere but at Ryusei and Baji.
“What kinda shit are you talking about, huh?” he lowkey demanded, struggling to rein himself in. “That’s not what I asked you, Chifuyu. Don’t you know how long you’ve kept us on our toes there, you little shit? Missing something important- that’s what you’re worried about in this situation?”
Chifuyu was frowning. He obviously didn’t understand what ‘situation’ Ryusei was talking about. His hand had moved down from his discolored cheek, instead holding itself sort of in front of his body, as though Ryusei was going to hurt him or something. He was going on the defensive.
“I don’t have to tell you everywhere I go,” Chifuyu hissed, obviously trying to sound petulant for some reason. “Don’t act like you don’t disappear every few weeks two to three days, sometimes four, either. I don’t see how that’s any different. Why are you even mad…”
Ryusei’s blood started boiling.
‘Why was he even mad…’
Reining himself in?
Fuck that.
Ryusei was pissed.
“Ah?! Four days?”
He pushed Baji away, gritting his teeth, seeing red. He punched the other boy right in the chest before either he or Baji could react.
“Tell me that again! It’s been eight days, fucker!”
Even in his fury, he didn’t miss the flicker of surprise in Chifuyu’s blue-green eyes as he stepped back from the hit. Chifuyu was shocked.
“Eight… a week…?”
“Yeah! A damn fucking week!” Ryusei hit him again in the right shoulder. “Do you really think we care if you miss a stupid meeting or gang shit or a fucking exam at this point? You ask why we’re mad!?”
He punched his left arm, and Chifuyu’s features turned blank in an instant. Ryusei took the opportunity to grab him by the collar, drawing him close.
“It’s because we’re fucking worried, imbecile!”
He stared deep in Chifuyu’s eyes. The blond’s gaze was veiled, staring past Ryusei as though he wasn’t seeing him at all. His lips quivered as they moved.
“You… worried… about me?”
Was this little shit for real?
“Ryusei. Ryusei, release him.”
In his fury, he vaguely heard Baji’s voice behind him as an arm gripped his shoulder. Only when he heard the subtly disguised urgence in the older boy’s voice did he realize that Chifuyu’s blank face wasn’t due to shock only. He let go and stared down at where Chifuyu’s right hand was hovering carefully around his left upper arm, where Ryusei had violently pressed just a few seconds earlier.
Where Baji had said there was a gunshot wound just last week.
How long did gunshot wounds take to heal again?
“Shit!”
He cursed at himself for having forgotten. Even though he was mad, how could he be so stupid?
“Chifuyu? Chifuyu, are you alright?”
Of course he didn’t look fine. He looked like all his blood had deserted his body. Unnaturally pale, he stumbled when Ryusei put him down on his own two feet, even if he quickly gained back his balance, his hand didn’t stray from his wound. At least it didn’t seem to be bleeding through his clothes. Wait, that meant absolutely nothing, Chifuyu was wearing at least three layers right now and only the upper one was white.
“M'fine, I’m fine…” he didn’t sound fine, his voice was strained and his fingers clenched convulsively around his arm, without touching. “My bone’s just a bit messed up…”
“That’s not fine,” Ryusei exclaimed, horrified.
“’M sorry…”
Then, as he said those words, just as though his body remembered how abused it was right now, Chifuyu swayed on his feet. Ryusei was so scared he was going to collapse he went to help him stand, gently this time.
“What now?”
“For worrying you. I didn’t think…”
Ryusei paused in his movements. He exchanged a glance with Baji. Thankfully, the long-haired boy’s anger had receded for now, overcome by the worry they both had for their common friend.
How awful was it that Chifuyu didn’t even consider the fact that they could be worried about him?
Chifuyu knew they worried, didn’t he? He usually did. But had they had such reasons to worry so much in the past? Was it now, that they should worry the most, that Chifuyu could not believe he was worthy of worry?
Or… was it that he didn’t believe he was acting worryingly?
The thought turned Ryusei’s blood to ice.
“I know,” he ended up retorting too calmly to his friend, drawing him closer to him and draping an arm over his shoulder to help him stand. “You didn’t think. That’s the problem, isn’t it? Think a bit before going to do whatever without telling anyone.”
Ryusei sighed, then chuckled as he remembered what had happened further down the week.
“You even involved a poor guy who had nothing to do with it… Don’t you have any shame?”
Chifuyu stirred in his grasp.
“I can walk,” he protested weakly, yet not really fighting Ryusei. “And I actually know Takemitchy.”
“Really? Because the bloke sure doesn’t remember you then.”
Surprisingly, Chifuyu’s features lit up with a soft smile that Ryusei couldn’t describe.
“Ah… I know. That’s normal.”
“Although he did say your name sounded familiar.”
Chifuyu chuckled but didn’t say anything more. Ryusei felt as though he was being left out of some kind of loop.
He gave another lookover to the blond boy, noticing how weak and tired he seemed all over again. He frowned in worry.
“I don’t know where you were, but first, let’s get you in your bed, huh? Let’s get you home.”
Baji nodded, with a glare.
“I’ll be waiting for answers as soon as you wake up, asshole, don’t think you can escape it,” he growled, but with far less conviction than before.
Ryusei guessed seeing Chifuyu like that was taxing on both of them. It was as though, ever since they met Chifuyu, the blond had been their battery or something. Always charging them up, and even if they were down, he was never so. This was a big change, in a way.
Another big change, at any rate…
Ryusei tried to ignore the way the other boy mouthed the word ‘home’ to himself as though he didn’t remember its meaning.
“Don’t you… don’t we have school, or something?”
“We skipping!” Ryusei cheekily told him. “You know, what you’ve been doing for more than a week now.”
“Ugh…”
It wasn’t such a harsh thing walking back to the apartment complex. Baji had complained their method was too slow, and Chifuyu also protested all the while that he could walk. In the end, Baji forced Ryusei to hand over Chifuyu so he could carry him on his back, under Chifuyu’s annoyed disagreement and Ryusei’s laugher. Such a shame he didn’t take a video, but the one picture would do it. He would show it back to Chifuyu in a few months or years to embarrass him… Or Baji, if he ever pretended again that he didn’t care. That could be fun.
What was less fun was when they arrived at the building, and Chifuyu refused to enter his own apartment. Ryusei really wanted to punch him then, even though he was worried of jostling his wound again.
“Then what do you suggest we do?” he groaned. “What is this even about?”
Chifuyu mumbled in Baji’s shoulder, neither of his gangmates heard anything worthwhile.
“Repeat that again?”
“…Don’t wanna face my mother…”
Baji’s expression fell with understanding. Ryusei really didn’t know what to say to that. Looking carefully, Chifuyu seemed truly distressed at the idea. And it was absolutely not in their objective to cause the boy even more stress than he seemed he already had that week. Ryusei shook his head, taking his forehead in his hands.
“Chifuyu. Doesn’t your mother work during the day?”
Baji nodded, carefully shaking Chifuyu to get his attention.
“Yeah, Ryusei’s right. We’re still in the middle of the afternoon, no reason for your mom to be here now. Let’s just get in?”
Chifuyu’s dazed eyes were frowned, confused for a handful of second. Then, they widened.
“Oh.”
“Took you long enough.”
Ryusei frowned too. Chifuyu seemed really tired. Now that Ryusei wasn’t mad anymore, he reminded himself of how the boy hadn’t even known how long he had been gone.
He gave him another look over, just to make sure. Apart from the gunshot wound, he didn’t seem particularly roughened. Probably not kidnapping then. He sighed in relief internally. That was at least that.
“Yeah… let’s get in.”
“’Kay. Where’s your key? Because I’m not climbing down from Baji’s balcony to your room again. Once was enough for a lifetime.”
“Don’t say that like it’s complicated. I’ve done it with Peke J in one arm the other day.”
“Was it fun?”
“Hell no.”
Chifuyu hid a small smile in Baji’s shoulder. Ryusei was glad that their antics comforted him in some way.
“Should be… Lemme down.”
Baji did, reluctantly. Chifuyu checked his three – four? – layers of clothing before he held out what was in fact his key – good, Ryusei had feared Chifuyu had forgotten it wherever he’d been. Baji took it from him, opening the door and closing behind them. Immediately after, he scooped Chifuyu on his shoulder again despite the boy’s alarmed yelp and carried him to his bedroom.
“I’d have broken your arm if I hadn’t known it was you, Baji-san,” mumbled Chifuyu, and Ryusei raised an eyebrow.
“Sure, if you think you’re capable.”
“Don’t question me, I am.”
“I think you’re going to sleep, Chifuyu, you’re slurring your words.”
“Mh… Lemme brush my teeth first…”
Ryusei sat down with a long-suffering sigh once Chifuyu finally laid himself down under the sheets. He should probably warn his mother that he was going to stay over at Chifuyu’s this time too. Shutting his flip phone, Ryusei looked at Chifuyu. The boy’s eyes were almost closed, only the upper part of his face was visible under the covers. Baji was busy cursing a storm in the kitchen trying to find some peyoung yakisoba in some corner, so it was only the two of them for now. The obsessed dude. Ryusei huffed.
“You could’ve at least answered your phone, pretty boy.”
Chifuyu gave him a catlike blink of the eyes.
“Had it off for a while. ‘t’s dead now.”
Ryusei had half the mind to retort to that matter of fact reply. But before he could start their usual bickering, Chifuyu’s voice cut him.
“Ryusei…?”
His name caught his attention. Said with Chifuyu’s sleepy voice, it sounded as though the sounds were dripping with vulnerability. It made Ryusei feel strange, hearing his friend like that. A bad kind of strange, swirling slowly in his stomach.
“Yeah?” he prompted softly.
“…I’m sorry.”
Ryusei blinked, taken aback.
Chifuyu’s eyelids closed, his breathing evened itself out. The boy was out like a light.
Ryusei watched him, thinking. “I’m sorry,” huh… He pressed the fingers of one hand to his temples. This was unusual. Everything in the last two weeks had been unusual, mind him. What was that ‘sorry’ for, huh? For being missing for a week? For worrying them? Why was it so vulnerable? So tiny and fragile?
Why did it feel like someone leaving?
Ryusei shook his head. He was going mad. All of this was only his imagination, born out of his childhood experiences. He delicately wiped away the stray tear that had gotten caught in Chifuyu’s eyelashes for seemingly no particular reason, unwilling to think about it more. Yet, as he stood up, his attention was caught by little detail. He blinked, and looked closer at the twinkling object the corner of which stuck out from under the cover.
He slowly took the shiny black thing out of the cover, making sure not to jostle Chifuyu as he did, and examined it. It was a…
“A video tape?” he muttered to himself, staring at it then turning it around. “Chifuyu Private. Huh… probably should give it back… But why was it there?”
He raised the cover a little, only to see that Chifuyu had both his hands clasped on another tape, fingers clenched around it even though he was sleeping. How had Ryusei not seen it? The vision awoke something in his memories. Back when they had first visited Chifuyu when he was sick, he had been hiding something behind his bed. Ryusei hadn't seen what it was. Why even did the tape stir that memory?
Oh. He could hear Baji approaching. He placed the tape back where he found it, closer to Chifuyu’s sleeping body, and put the cover back on top of the boy, sitting back in his chair as Baji entered with two boxes of yakisoba.
“Here,” the long-haired young man held one up. “Take that.”
“Thanks.”
Ryusei took the heated box with a grateful nod. He was hungry too with all these emotions. Maybe those eight days of worry weren’t so bad in comparison to that… alright, Ryusei was bullshitting that. He’d really rather Chifuyu was there and being worrying than having Chifuyu being worrying out of sight, in all honesty.
“So what do we do now?” he asked tiredly the other boy as they both started eating.
“We eat. We wait for him to wake up. I question him, because damn you’re bad at it-”
“Like you were doing any better. Shaking someone by the collar is not a valid method to question a friend! Perhaps an enemy, but not your friend, seriously who raised you?”
“If you insult my mom, I will disfigure you.”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry.”
Ryusei shook his head. He stared at the pieces of skin still visible under the cover. Pale. A bit sickly.
“Perhaps he should eat something before we grill him for answers, though,” he thought aloud.
“What do you mean? That’s already planned!”
Ryusei raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
Baji pointed at the yakisoba box in his hand.
“He can have half of that.”
“Oh god you’re so stupid.”
“Repeat that!”
“Sh!” Ryusei signaled toward Chifuyu, but thankfully the boy didn’t even stir; he must have been truly exhausted. “Half a meal of peyoung yakisoba is not going to cut it, Baji… You know what, I’ll go whip something up when he wakes up. If he wakes up today…”
“Let’s take turns sleeping then.”
That wasn’t a bad idea, Ryusei thought. Knowing Chifuyu, he wouldn’t leave if he knew Baji was waiting for him to wake up… but at the same time he had already done it eight days earlier, so did Ryusei really know Chifuyu, huh? Ryusei shook his head. Enough of that. They could not predict Chifuyu’s actions when he woke up, and they needed to have a talk with him. Obviously one of them had to be awake to stop him from leaving. So taking turns it was.
“Why not?” he shrugged.
Baji yawned.
“Good. Then Imma take a nap now.”
“Yeah, do that… Wait, what are you doing? That’s Chifuyu’s bed! Go to the couch!”
“Nah, you take the couch. I have neighbor privilege.”
…In all honesty, why was Ryusei dealing with this?