Chapter Text
It was a peaceful afternoon. Lucifer was fiddling at his workbench while Alastor had made himself comfortable on a nearby loveseat with the day's paper. The simple luxury of companionable silence was something they had both come to appreciate quite a bit.
Lucifer put down his tools to stretch, finally having reached something of a reasonable stopping point. He glanced over at his lover as he did, taking in all the small things. How primly Alastor sat even when he was relaxed, the way his ear twitched just so along to the music around him, the way he would tilt his head as he read to look over or through his monocle as needed. They weren't important details at all, but he still liked to take note of them.
“Something you need, dear?” Alastor asked without looking up. Lucifer blushed as he was caught staring, looking away sheepishly.
“Nope! Just… taking the chance to look at you while I can I guess. Don't want people talking and all, aha…”
“Quite the dilemma for you, I’m sure.” Alastor teased, one side of his smile pulling into a smirk.
“Yeah…” Lucifer agreed, drumming his fingers on the table. It… well, there were a lot of reasons, most that were more political than personal, that they had decided to keep things hush. But… they had been together for a while now hadn't they? And they were gonna have to tell people eventually … he didn't really want the public in his business but sneaking around was so exhausting!
“You're thinking so loudly I can hear the cogs grinding from here, you know.” Alastor said, finally looking up from his reading. Lucifer’s expression contorted into something that evoked hand caught in the cookie jar .
“Oh! Uh, it's not… I mean…” he started awkwardly, hand rubbing sweat from the back of his neck. He chewed on his lip for a moment before finally admitting, “look, Al, I don't wanna put any pressure on you- if you don't think now's a good time I totally get it but… well… maybe it's time we just… tell people?”
Alastor blinked. Not what he was expecting, but hardly something troubling. “My! Have you been worrying about me this whole time? Surely you realize I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by the revelation I have the King of Hell himself on my arm.”
Lucifer blushed again. “That- oh! I uh, I thought you-” Al was persnickety on a good day, he was private and introverted even if he was a public face and Hell’s biggest radio star. Lucifer had assumed he would be less keen on that? But the whole… exploiting their relationship for clout angle should… not have been surprising. And it wasn't! He just… hadn't been actively thinking about it. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well! Then I guess, if you're okay with it, it's… time to go public.”
Lucifer at least tried not to look as dopey and smitten as he was sure he did.
“Indeed.” Alastor agreed, folding the newspaper and setting it aside. “But, if we are doffing this charade of secrecy I have one condition.”
“Uh- y-yeah! Of course! Anything for you.” Lucifer agreed eagerly. Alastor grinned, finally rising from his seat and crossing the room to stand beside his king. He bent forward closer to Lucifer’s height as he spoke.
“We do not yet explain the nature of our relationship to anyone.”
Lucifer's face fell spectacularly. “Um.” His tone and lack of words were not for nerves now, but rather incredulousness, “Thats… that's kind of the whole- if you didn't want to you could have just said no, asshole!”
“Now now, no need to fret. What have I told you about jumping to conclusions?” Alastor patronized, pinching the red of Lucifer’s pouting cheek. “What I said was we should not give the masses the courtesy of an explanation . I have no problem dropping the facade as you suggested- but don't you think it would be hilarious to watch the common folk scramble about trying to understand such a drastic perceived change being treated as though it's been the norm for the past decade!?”
Lucifer squinted as he tried to process that. Alastor didn't mind going public, he just… wanted to use the opportunity to mass gaslight all of Hell. That… sounded like Al alright. He cracked a bit of a smile. “Fuckin’ sadist.”
“Guilty as charged!” Alastor agreed chipperly. “But not the only reason for the fun- with the media in the state that it is I’m sure every newshouse would want to try to paint some elaborate fabricated story to drum up drama. But if we make the truth itself a mystery-”
“Then they'll be so focused on trying to figure out what's going on they'll report on it more honestly. People won't make up as much bullshit if they think they're pulling a fast one and outing us. Al, you beautiful evil genius!”
Alastor hummed proudly at the compliment after Lucifer put the pieces together. The angel leaned up to peck the other on the lips in his excitement.
“Alright! Then we won't say anything. We’ll just… stop trying to act ‘normal’ around each other when other people are around. And be able to spend more time together. Oh and we can finally go do super romantic things and to couplely places and-”
“Don't make me regret this.” Alastor interrupted dryly. Lucifer snickered.
“Aw, don't worry Bambi, I won't go so overboard your big bad scawwy owveword weputation will get ruined. I promise~”
“How reassuring.”
Lucifer laughed outright this time, and Alastor’s smile softened despite himself.
–
Angel Dust sat at the hotel bar with Husker and Nifty. One hand was holding his drink, another propping his head up, and a third fidgeting idly with the remnants of a straw wrapper on the counter.
“Somethin’s… off.” He declared to the bar. Husk raised an eyebrow, following the other demon’s gaze across the room.
“With Al? That guy's nuttier than a five pound fruit cake- you really expect any of what he does to make sense?”
“No, no I know.” Angel insisted, squinting as he watched Al talk with Charlie. “But somethin’s… different. Like- it's the wrong flavor of bat shit for Smiles.” He tried to explain.
Husk shrugged. “You really wanna know what's going on in that deranged head of his? I’d say you're better off not.”
“Fair point.” Angel deadpanned. “Still he’s like, weirdly… peppy. Even for him. Just don't wanna be on the wrong end if shit goes sideways.”
Husk frowned at the prospect. “Can't argue with that…” he grumbled. He already had to clean up enough of Al’s messes…
And speaking of cleaning messes, it was at this point Nifty finally pipped up, not bothering to look up from where she was doodling perched on the counter. “Don't worry! They've been together for a while now so that's not gonna happen~” She… didn't actually explain. At all. Because she was Nifty.
“Who’s been to-” Angel began to ask incredulously before he realized what Nifty was actually implying, “Hold up, are you saying Mr. Tall Dark and Creepy is actually seeing someone!?”
Husk snorted. “Sure, and it's gonna snow tonight.” He deadpanned. “Niff, be careful what you say, you know Al gets touchy about that kinda thing.” He gently admonished, assuming Nifty had just phrased something poorly. Not that Alastor ever lashed out at Nifty of all people- but he didn't wanna somehow wind up taking the heat himself…
She looked up, her big eye blinking once. “Huh? But he’s so happy with Lucifer, why would he be upset about it?” She asked innocently.
“He what !?” Angel gasped, nearly jumping out of the barstool. He took a moment to quickly glance over at the Radio Demon in question to be sure he wasn't about to get ripped in half for gossiping, but he seemed occupied with Charlie still. Cool. Yup. Great.
Husker shook his head. “Calm down. You really gonna trust whatever weird idea Nifty got in her head about all this?”
She pouted loudly. “But it's what happened!”
Angel blinked, looking between the two. That… was a fair point. But… “I mean… I gotcha, but didn't we all think the Big Guy had gotten lucky a while back? And the guy stopped wearin his weddin ring- and Charlie was so weird about it but also was refusin to admit she was weird about it?? What if he wasn't just hooking up downtown and was… ya know…” he glanced over at Alastor again, squinting like he was trying to find some sort of sign of Lucifer’s presence on his person.
“But Al doesn't swing any way. He’s not interested in the kind of thing- never has been. If you still think Lucifer’s getting some, then the reason Al’s so excited is more likely because he found a way to blackmail the poor bastard about it.” He pointed out.
Angel turned back to him. “...that's… well… it is more in character for the guy. But! I dunno. Now that Nifty’s pointed it out it does seem like the weird even for Al vibe could be cuz he’s got a case of the dokis. I would know, I get that dopey in love with a hooker crap like twice a week at least.”
Nifty, who had been looking between the two as they spoke, decided to add her two cents. “Ummm… It's been a few months now… Alastor never talks about it, but I keep having to get their blood out of Lucifer’s sheets when I clean!” She explained. She did not mention the little red duck Alastor now kept in his room because he had specially asked her not to. Or to ask why he had it. Which she thought was strange, because it was obviously a gift he cared a lot about, but she didn't question it.
Both of the other demons look at her somewhat horrified.
“Theres- there's no fuckin way.” Husk stammered.
“Okay yeah I was like at least half joking but holy shit ?”
And then, to speak of the devil as it were, Lucifer wandered into the lobby. The trio watched with bated breath as he approached his daughter and hypothetical secret lover.
They greeted each other with smiles and laughs. Alastor rested a hand on his shoulder. And left it there.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat is happening?” Angel asked in disbelief.
“That's- it's Al. He invades people's bubbles to fuck with them all the time. It's not like he's kissing the guy right?” Husk tried to reason, though he sounded significantly less sure of himself.
“Well yeah but they used to hate each other! I know they’ve been tonin it down for Charlie but-”
Angel watched as Lucifer pulled that particularly adorable snake blep thing he did when he wanted to cheer Charlie up. More important at the moment, however, was how Al was looking at it affectionately in a way that Angel had frankly only ever seen him do when Nifty was being particularly psychotic.
“ What the fuck ?”
“I…”
Charlie finally excused herself with a little wave and wandered off. Alastor and Lucifer were still talking to each other. Lucifer said something corny enough to accompany it with elbow nudging and Alastor laughed. That was- oh, but whatever Lucifer said after made Al look more characteristically done with his shit. So maybe-
And then Lucifer leaned up on his tiptoes to boop the Radio Demon on the nose .
And Al actually leaned down to make it easier for him .
After which Al turned and started walking towards the bar, which had the two of them scrambling to look like they had been doing anything besides staring in transfixed horror at the exchange.
“The usual, if you would be so kind!” Alastor said as greeting. Husk was happy to have an excuse to turn away from the demon. Angel, unfortunately, did not have the luxury of such an easy excuse. Al turned to him with a grin.
“My! Whatever has gotten you so startled, my friend?” He asked, knowing exactly what it was that had Angel so jumpy, but as determined earlier he was a sadist.
Angel sputtered. Not his greatest performance. “What? Startled? Me? Pff-”
“We were talking about how you’ve been dating Lucifer but they won't believe me!” Nifty loudly protested. Husk almost dropped the glass he was holding.
More ominous than any other possible reaction, the Radio Demon continued on completely nonplussed. He bent down to meet Nifty’s eye level, propping his head up with his arm on the counter. “Now where did you ever get an idea like that, hmm?”
Husk and Angel looked at each other with concern.
“Look, boss, you know how she is. She doesn't mean-”
“Good heavens Husker, just how barbaric do you think I am? As though I would ever lay a hand on our dear Nifty. She’s my favorite, I’ll have you know.” Alastor said before the bartender could finish whatever misplaced concern he was on about. He picked Nifty up gingerly to prove his point. She grinned and giggled, the question she’d been asked now forgotten, then quickly took the opportunity to crawl up Alastor like a jungle gym and settle herself on his head between his ears.
“Right. My mistake…” Husk deadpanned, finally setting Al’s whiskey in the bar. As it was picked up Angel dared to ask,
“So… are you, or….?” Husk, unsurprisingly, looked at the spider like he was gonna strangle him if Al didn't first. The Radio Demon, meanwhile, narrowed his gaze in an ominous way, letting out a long, drawn out hum as he considered the answer. And then,
“Why would I just tell you when it's so much more fun to watch you squirm in suspense!” He informed cheerily, then turned on his heel- Nifty still along for the ride- and walked away.
“Do you have a fuckin’ death wish!?” Husk snapped. Angel huffed.
“Clam ya tits- he ain't gonna kill us, Charlie’d have a friggin cow. An entire herd of cows.” He reasoned, but then quickly deflated, annoyance being replaced with defeat as he sagged over the bar. “Don't know why I thought I'd get a straight answer. Normally I'd say it wasn't a ‘no’, but Smiles is crazy enough he really would go along with Nif just to fuck with us. Fuckin’ asshole…”
–
Alastor found Lucifer in one of the staff rooms. The angel greeted him excitedly.
“So how'd it g- oh! Uh, hey there little lady!” he awkwardly corrected when he saw Nifty perched on Alastor’s head.
“Hiya bad boy~ ” she greeted with a giggle, feet kicking behind her.
“No need to fret, dearest. Really I shouldn't be so surprised she was the first to figure it out. The others are still delightfully wallowing in distressed confusion!” he explained. Lucifer raised an eyebrow.
“Really?” Then again Nifty was… as crazy if not crazi er than Al, so maybe he shouldn't be surprised she understood what went on in his head either.
Before Al could answer, Nifty gasped. “Wait, was it supposed to be a secret!? Oh no! Please don't be mad, Alastor!”
“Perish the thought!” Alastor assured, reaching up to lift Nifty so he could look at her as he spoke. “I can admit I should have taken more time to ensure I was clear the last we spoke of this, though I am curious what sparked you to have such confidence in your suspicions.”
Nifty blinked. “You didn't tell me anything about the sheets I kept cleaning so I didn't think it was supposed to be secret. They were really bloody! Lots of pretty gold blood!!”
At which point Alastor lowered Nifty enough to level a particularly judgemental stare at Lucifer- who, while he had been previously cooing at how adorable it was to watch Alastor dote on Nifty like she was 5, was now avoiding eye contact with visible guilt.
“I thought I told you to be sure to take care of any messes from my meals personally , Lucifer dear. ” Alastor scathed.
“But- but it's so exhausting ! You try doing magic with like two ounces of blood left! It's like trying to wade through a pool of molasses! With lead shoes!”
Alastor rolled his eyes. “Yes, I'll be sure to keep His Majesty’s woefully delicate nature in mind in the future! Luckily, with that specific cat out of the bag, you won't have to trouble yourself with the chore any longer.”
“You-”
“So which one of you tops?” Nifty asked abruptly.
That interjection brought the argument to a grinding halt. Lucifer was bright yellow, and while Alastor had not actually dropped the tiny demon he was still holding, he had come close to doing so with how badly he’d jumped. When he had regained at least some of his composure he cleared his throat loudly.
“Nifty, dear, that is not an appropriate question for a young lady!” He scolded, holding the tiny demon up to his eye level.
“Awwww…” She said with a pout, seeming to accept this instead of an answer. Alastor sighed.
“And no more discussing anything on the subject of myself and dear Lucifer with the others, understood?”
“Loud and clear! No talking about Alastor’s secret steamy forbidden love affair!” She declared proudly. Alastor winced and pinned his ears back, but forced his smile to remain all the same.
“...yes. Now, why don't you run along?” he sat her down gingerly on the ground.
“Yessir!” She responded chipperly before finally scurrying off. Alastor pinched the bridge of his nose.
Unfortunately, when he turned back to Lucifer the angel was no longer stewing in his embarrassment, instead staring at him fondly with some infuriatingly knowing look.
“ What ?” He bit out. Lucifer laughed.
“It's just so sweet watching you spoil her like that! If anyone else said not even half of that shit they would have wound up dinner in a split second! You're so cute when you care about your famiwy~”
Alastor outright growled at that, antlers growing and eyes turned to dials. “Insolent wretch -”
“But you wuv me~” Lucifer countered before Al could finish whatever angry eldritch fueled rant he was about to go on. He hugged the demon around the middle heedless of his current horrifying appearance, looking up at him with big round watery eyes and batted eyelashes.
Alastor groaned, shoving the other away as his general eldritchness retracted in favor of conventional bitching. “You are completely intolerable!”
“I know~” Lucifer agreed with a laugh. “We're still on for dancing tonight, right?”
Alastor looked at Lucifer incredulously.
“Of course.”