Chapter Text
Sodapop swung open the front door, instantly kicking off his shoes. He threw his DX cap on the couch, and that's when he noticed how dark the house was.
That was wrong.
Nobody else was home.
That was also wrong.
It was quiet. Too quiet. The Curtis house was never quiet. Sodapop couldn't remember the last time it was quiet. Especially at 5:00 pm.
Someone was always there.
Even when all the Curtis brothers were out, any of the other boys from the gang could be found there at any given time. They all treated it like it was their house too.
Johnny hated going home. The gang hated it too. He wasn't safe there. They worried about him when he was home. Eventually they stopped questioning if he would show up with a new bruise, but rather, how many he would show up with.
How long would it be? They all wondered. Until the final blow was dealt. Until a fist was thrown into the air, so hard it could never be taken back. So bloody that Johnny could never be saved.
Steve hated his dad so much that he hardly stepped foot into his house if he could help it. He'd shown up with the occasional bruise and black eye before too.
Soda always worried about his friend. Wishing he could do something about it. But Steve said that would only make things worse. He knew Sodapop Curtis would fight to the death for anyone who dared lay a finger on someone he cared about. And that included Steve. But he didn't want to risk Soda getting hurt because of him. That was something Steve could never live with.
Dally usually crashed wherever he felt like it. He'd always done that though. Since they first met him.
When Johnny was hurt, Dally always stayed for a few days, making sure the kid didn't step foot near his house again for a while. And when Johnny finally said he had to go home - he'd been gone too long and needed to see what was going on there - Dally always tried to go with him. But Johnny insisted he'd be fine.
He normally came back with another new bruise. Which only infuriated Dally more. The only reason Dally hadn't marched right over there and killed Johnny's parents himself, was because Johnny begged him not to. And Dally could never do that to Johnny. Not Johnny. He could never do anything to hurt him. He'd had enough of that in his 16 years on this earth.
Two-Bit came to the Curtis house for comfort, for fun, for his friends.
He got to eat all the chocolate cake and drink all the beer he wanted, without being hassled for drinking or eating too much. Plus, there was always someone there who could use a little Two-Bit to brighten up their day. It was impossible to have a conversation with the kid and not laugh. It didn't dn't matter how angry or depressed you were. Two-Bit Mathews could get you laughing so hard you'd be rolling on the floor.
Now he liked his house just fine. His mom was kind, easy going and a jokester just like him. He loved his sister too. But the Curtis house brought everyone a special kind of comfort. One they couldn't find anywhere else if they tried.
Plus, they just all liked being together. It wasn't just because they didn't want to be at their own homes. It was because this was home. The seven of them together. That's what made this house a home.
Darry wanted to burn the house down after their parents died. Every wall, doorway, crack, stain and scratch. Every room in this house was a reminder of their parents. Of what they lost. What they would never get back. Of a house that would never be a home again. Because now it was missing two vital pieces of its foundation.
But then...the gang had come over. And they all hung out. Just like they always had.
Two-Bit ate chocolate cake and watched Mickey Mouse and drank beer.
Steve and Sodapop played cards and arm wrestled.
Ponyboy watched the sunset out the window and drew a picture of what he saw.
Johnny sat next to Ponyboy and watched him quietly; he was always fascinated by how talented Ponyboy was. And he loved seeing his friend in action.
Dally sat next to Johnny; feet propped up on the coffee table like he owned the joint.
Darry sat in the recliner and read the newspaper.
They all talked and laughed and joked and smiled.
And Darry felt comfort again. Felt love again. He finally felt like he could smile and laugh again without thinking it was wrong to do so. The house felt like a home again.
And that's how the gang liked it. How they wanted it. How they needed it.
Sodapop never needed that more than he did right now.
He'd never heard silence quiet this loud. Practically deafening.
It reminded him of a horrible Tuesday eight months ago.
A day he longed to forget. And thought he had, until this exact moment. When he felt like he was reliving it.
xXx
"How was your first day back Pony?"
Ponyboy shrugged. "Alright, I guess. Could have been worse. Ain't got no homework. Teachers told me not to worry about making up the work I missed. Think they just felt sorry for me though."
"Know what ya mean." Sodapop said. "I had a test in Geometry today, heck I didn't know a thing about it beforehand. I mean, how could I? I know I got every question on that paper wrong. Yet somehow, I passed. I ain't ever passed a Geometry test in my life."
Ponyboy scoffed.
The boys walked along in silence. Listening to the wind and the birds.
Finally, Ponyboy spoke quietly. "Did you think about 'em today?"
Sodapop was quiet at first, staring at the cracks on the sidewalk beneath his feet. "Sometimes. Like while I was takin' that test. I couldn't concentrate a lick. Got frustrated at the numbers on the page. Got sad about how dumb I am. Got sad about how mom always looked when she tried helping me with my homework, and I never got it. She never got mad. But she always just looked so...sad. Like she was desperate to help me, to teach me, but she didn't quite know how."
Ponyboy kicked a rock beneath his shoe. "Mama always tried to help us."
"Yeah." Sodapop said. "She never made me feel dumb 'bout it neither, ya dig? Most all my teachers do. Except my Art teacher. I can't draw to save my life, and I always flunk the tests. But she's always nice to me. Don't talk to me like I'm stupid. She even gave me a hug today when she saw me."
"That definitely sounds like mom." Pony said.
"She loved hugs." Sodapop nodded.
"That's where you got it from, I guess." Pony Said.
Sodapop smiled widely, simultaneously blinking back tears. He couldn't think of a better compliment in the world.
"Thanks, Pone."
Ponyboy nudged Sodapop's shoulder, the corners of his mouth curving up just slightly.
Sodapop thought about Pony's words for a moment, before eventually speaking. "What about you? Did you think about 'em?"
Ponyboy nodded slowly. "I couldn't concentrate on nothin'. I thought school could at least distract me but...everything was a reminder. No matter what it was. Things that never made me think about 'em before. Now they're everywhere all at once...and nowhere at all."
Sodapop slung an arm over Ponyboy's shoulders, blinking back his tears. The way Pony worded that felt like a dagger twisting inside of his chest. "I think it gets easier."
"How?" Pony said dryly. "When?"
"I don't know. That's what everyone says though."
"Well, what do they know? " Pony kicked a rock. "They didn't lose their parents."
Sodapop shrugged. "Guess not." He took his arm off Ponyboy's shoulders as the two boys continued their walk home in silence. Both of them were drowning in their thoughts. Soda couldn't stand it any longer.
"Hey." He clapped his hands together. "Steve and Two-Bit said they're goin' to the drive-in Friday night. Whadda ya say we join 'em?"
"You can't sit through a movie Sodapop."
"Ain't nobody go to the drive-in to watch the movie, Pony." Soda laughed. "Ya go to talk to pretty girls and hang out with your buddies."
"I like to watch the movies."
"Well, you're the only one."
Ponyboy gave his brother a shove and Sodapop laughed. "Bring Johnny along. He likes to watch movies cause it means he ain't gotta talk."
Ponyboy snorted, Soda wasn't wrong.
"Come on, kid. Beats sittin' at home, don't it?"
"I guess so." Ponyboy shrugged.
"Attaboy!" Sodapop put an arm around Ponyboy, before putting him in a headlock.
Ponyboy laughed, grabbing at his arm. "Soda, let go."
"Nope." Soda laughed, suddenly beginning to tickle his brother.
And of course, Ponyboy had no choice but to laugh now. "Stop it, Soda."
Of course, Soda didn't. He went on tickling his brother in the stomach with one hand, ruffling his hair with the other.
"Hey." Pony laughed, trying -but failing- to grab at both his brother's hands.
Soda just laughed harder at Pony's protests, continuing to mess with him.
Finally, Ponyboy managed to reach over and start tickling Soda.
And Sodapop started laughing so hard that he had no choice but to stop tickling his brother. Now he was the one trying to pry Pony's fingers off of him.
Pony had no choice but to giggle at Soda's laughter. He threw his head back and laughed like a little kid, his whole body shaking as he belly-laughed. And you just couldn't watch Soda laugh without laughing yourself.
"Okay, okay." Soda finally said, unable to catch his breath from laughing so hard. He'd barely even managed to get those words out. "I give up. You win."
Ponyboy tickled Sodapop for a few more seconds for good measure before finally stopping.
Both boys had to stand and catch their breath for a couple minutes from all the laughter.
"Looks like we tickled each other all the way home." Soda said, still sounding out of breath, the smile never leaving his face.
Ponyboy was leaning over on his knees, he took a couple of big deep breaths, glancing at his brother. "You're crazy, Soda."
Sodapop merely laughed as he and his brother walked through the gate. "But ya love me for it."
Ponyboy shook his head, closing the gate behind him, but he was laughing too.
Both brothers were still smiling and laughing as they walked through the front door.
Sodapop kicked off his shoes, and Ponyboy threw his backpack on the floor.
"I wonder what after school snack mom made-"
The boys both froze instantly at Ponyboy's words. They were so still and had stopped so quickly that it looked like someone had hit the pause button.
It was truly nothing but a habit.
Ever since their first days of school at 4 years old, Mrs. Curtis had made her boys snacks for when they got home.
Sometimes it was brownies, or cookies. Other times, something healthier like fruit. Everyone's favorite was her chocolate cake of course.
She served her boys a snack and listened to them talk about their days at the kitchen table while they ate it. Mrs. Curtis did it on Darry's first day of school sixteen years ago and had done it every single day since.
Except for today.
It was Ponyboy and Sodapop's first day back to school since their parents died. They'd both been dreading it.
It was also Darry's first day of work.
So, the house was empty when Sodapop and Ponyboy came home from school. Which wasn't normal.
It was dark, quiet, and didn't smell like freshly baked cookies.
Instead, it smelled like Lysol. A scent about as unmistakable as cookies, but much less welcoming.
Darry made the boys keep the house spick and span in case the state decided to drop by again.
It was really bad for a while, those first couple weeks.
Three young boys weren't exactly the tidiest people in the world. Especially when they were used to their parents taking care of that for them.
But once Darry realized he would have to deal with these social workers frequently, he knew they'd have to keep a clean house. He just lost his parents, and nothing in this world was going to take his baby brothers away from him. Especially not a reason as stupid as forgetting to sweep the kitchen floor or take out the trash.
So, the boys spent a day cleaning up the house, and it looked great. Their mother would have been proud. Darry came up with a system so that it could stay that way.
And so far, it had. They were all doing their part to help.
But today, none of that mattered.
The clean house didn't make it feel any less empty.
The strong smell of Lysol instead of cookies almost made the boys' stomach's churn.
Ponyboy's tongue felt like it weighed one-thousand pounds. He couldn't believe he just said that.
The conversation with Soda, the laughing and teasing. The normalcy of it all, it made him forget.
Laughing with Sodapop on the way home from school. That was normal.
Normal was something Ponyboy hadn't felt since a police officer showed up at his door and turned his world upside down.
For about five minutes, Ponyboy had forgotten all about it.
Forgotten about the police officer, and the way Darry's breath hitched when he opened the door.
Forgotten about Sodapop's broken sobs that hardly ever stopped. That sounded like someone who's world was being torn apart in front of them, and they could only watch.
Forgotten about how Darry had changed so suddenly, and he hadn't once seen him smile or take a break, or even cry since that day.
Forgotten about the funeral. The caskets. The pictures. The cemetery. Watching his parents being lowered six feet under as dirt was placed on top of them for eternity.
Ponyboy had forgotten about all of it. Now it felt like he was losing them all over again. And that pain...was so much worse.
Ponyboy looked like he was about to fall over, and Sodapop quickly wrapped his arms around him. The sobs began instantly, and the boys sunk to the floor.
Soda cradled Pony in his arms, holding him close. And he cried too.
Cried for his parents. Two of the most important people in his world, that he would never see again.
Cried for Darry. Everything he'd lost, everything he'd given up for his brothers. For his family.
Cried for the way his heart felt like it had a huge piece missing, that he could never get back.
And he cried for this house. The house he grew up in. The house he loved.
This house that didn't feel like home anymore, and Sodapop wasn't sure it ever would again.
xXx
Thankfully, Sodapop had been wrong.
Eventually, the house did feel like a home again. Thanks to the gang.
The Curtis brothers could look around and remember the happy times with their friends. And continue to make new memories.
The house stopped feeling like it was haunted by the ghosts of their parents.
It started feeling like it was a safe place they could all be together.
They could leave all their problems at the door, and just all be with each other. They could all be home.
But now, a vital piece of the puzzle was missing. Well, two actually.
Ponyboy and Johnny were gone.
And Sodapop had never felt more alone.
He never wanted to go to work to begin with, but Darry made him. He insisted that they couldn't stop living while they waited on Ponyboy to come home. Soda wasn't certain Darry really believed that though.
Darry was still at work.
Sodapop had hardly survived his own shift. He cried a lot but mostly managed to do it when there weren't any customers there.
He hoped his brother was faring better than he had.
Sodapop walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of chocolate milk. More out of habit than the actual desire to drink it though.
He sat at the table and glanced at the clock. It read 5:15. Ponyboy should be home now, either working on homework, or with his face buried in a book.
Instead, he was off who knows where, and he was a fugitive.
Sodapop couldn't stand the thought of not knowing where Ponyboy was. The worry was making him sick. What if something had happened? What if Ponyboy never even made it out of Tulsa? He just needed to know that his brother was okay.
He should have gone after him that night when he ran away. Instead, he just watched as Ponyboy sprinted down the street.
And then the entire world fell apart.
Would Ponyboy ever be okay again after this?
He knew Johnny wouldn't be. Not after killing someone. The guilt would eat his gentle heart and soul alive.
Would any of them be okay after going through something like this?
First his parents died, now his brother and friend were fugitives. If Soda didn't know any better, he'd think he was stuck in one of those murder mystery novels Ponyboy's face was always buried in.
Sodapop abandoned his chocolate milk and walked to his room to change out of his work uniform. But he realized that was a mistake the second he opened the door.
His eyes immediately landed on Ponyboy's desk.
Pony's things were scattered carelessly on top. His books, unfinished homework, his sketchbook.
Tears welled up in Soda's eyes as he walked over and sat down.
Sure, they technically shared this desk, but Ponyboy certainly used it more. Since he was still in school. Sodapop certainly wouldn't be reading or writing anything off his own accord in the near future.
He glanced at Ponyboy's side of the bed from his spot at the desk. His mind wandered back to last night, how he'd cried himself to sleep, praying Pony would be home when he woke up. The crying started all over when he was still alone that morning.
Sodapop picked up Pony's sketchbook, flipping through the pages.
There were a lot of horse drawings. Pony had always loved to draw horses. Soda came across some sunsets too, and poems Ponyboy had written. Sodapop smiled as he looked at them all, his brother sure was talented. It made him so proud.
Soda's breath hitched as he came upon one specific drawing though.
It was a horse. But not just any horse. It was Mickey Mouse.
Soda's horse that he'd lost.
Mickey Mouse was galloping off into the sunset, and Soda was riding him with a huge smile was on his face.
Turning the paper over, Sodapop saw a note on the back.
Soda, sorry I couldn't buy Mickey Mouse back for you. I saved my money for a whole year, but I still didn't have enough. I hope this drawing makes you feel better though.
-Love Pony.
Sodapop burst into tears. The drawing had been folded up inside the back of the notebook, and Pony hadn't given it to him. Soda wondered if he thought it wasn't very good, sometimes he was private about his drawings. The most special ones anyway. And this was certainly one of those.
This had to be a few years old though. Soda could tell by Pony's handwriting for one. And the fact that he said he saved up money for one year. He lost Mickey three years ago.
But Soda never knew Ponyboy did that. He was only ten years old. Soda chuckled wetly and wiped at his tears. Of course Pony did this. It sounded just like his brother. He was loyal and looked out for the people he loved. Especially when they were hurting.
Soda remembered how much he'd cried after losing Mickey Mouse. All Pony wanted was to make his brother happy again. Glory, he loved this kid.
"Oh, Pony." Soda gently caressed his fingers over the drawing.
"Please come home soon, baby." He cried.
Soda had so much that he wanted to say to his brother. There was so much that he needed to hear...especially right now.
He ripped one of the pages out of Ponyboy's sketchbook, hoping Pony wouldn't kill him for it later. Soda wiped away the last of his tears, some landed on the paper. He didn't mind though. He picked up a pencil and began writing.
"Ponyboy, this house ain't a home without you..."