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For a long time Percy believed himself unlovable. Not even his soulmates wanted him.
On his worst day he thought about ending it, but some part of him still clung to the fantasy that someone wanted him.
It was hard to go on, it was hard to put a mask on his face even on a good day, because everything was just not fine. An abusive childhood, two wars, and constant rejection makes one wonder to oneself.
He had more bad days when he didn’t want to get out of bed, out of his rare comfort. He made sure that no one could take him from his bed, not like Hera did.
On his bad days, he went nonverbal, it was just too much energy to talk and also he knew from experience that on those days, he was the most brutal and cutting in his responses.
On his better days he visited his mother, the camp and every few weeks Atlantis. Amphy didn’t accept a negative answer to that.
He liked being in Atlantis, but many times tried to avoid it, to not hurt his Undersee Family when he passed. As he rejected godhood, because he didn’t want to deal with this constant, soul-crushing pain for eternity. He would allow himself to fade very fast, because didn’t want to live that way. He was selfish in that way, and he kept his real reason to himself, no need for anyone to know that he was doing horrible, they might blame themselves.
No need for that, it was enough that he blamed himself for being unlovable, being too powerful, and just all together too much.
He was fine. He was not.
It’s lucky that his soul name is on his thigh, so he can avoid flashing it in long enough shorts.
He had five possible soulmates, and all of them rejected him for some reason.
Luke tried to kill him, which meant automatic rejection, but it broke something in him.
After him, it was Rachel, who rejected him for her destiny, he could understand that, even if he never really felt the need for sexual relationship. Hugs, cuddles and kisses were fine, and needed but that’s all. She didn’t even ask him if he wanted to go deeper later, yes he was a man, and most men want more, but it would have been amazing if she asked. He already knew that he found sex unsettling, and weird.
Of course, he accepted her decision, and stayed friendly. No one knows that one time they were soulmates, and that was fine. Why was I not enough?
The next one was Annabeth, it looked promising.
But the whole Tartarus happened on his bad days, and he might have been more cruel to Akhylls, but hey they needed to survive, they wouldn’t have if he played nicely.
Long story short, she was scared of him, and after Gaia she rejected him. He understood it, as don’t stay with someone who makes you scared, but…but he needed his friend, he was scared too. Will someone stay for me?
For Frank he was too unruly, too free and too powerful. He liked his order and Percy was everything, just not that. He couldn’t follow a strict timetable, his bad days come and go, many times he had surprise visits from Blackjack, or Grover, or someone else. He sassed constantly and Frank liked to follow the rules, and respecting his elders. His sexual aversion didn’t help.
It maybe could have worked, if they met at different times, but they were too different, so it was a quick rejection. Can someone love me, just being me
The last one was Lester; Phoebus Apollo.
And while they didn’t try anything when he was Lester, they wanted to try after Apollo regained his godhood. They had one or two coffee dates, and it looked promising. Apollo was fine with him not wanting anything overly sexual, and generally he didn’t care about his flings, just wanted to know about it. To protect and adore the kids.
He honestly thought this was it, he finally found his true match, when one day he rejected him without even talking to Percy. What have I done, how can I make it right??
It broke him.
He considered suicide after that, more deeper than any other times.
But he didn’t want to hurt Grover or Thalia, those two and maybe Nico was who he was still 100% loyal to, he cared about them more deeply, they didn’t let him down and he was trying for their sake.
Even after Frank, he spent most of his time on his ship that was a gift from Poseidon, sometimes he slept in his cabin at the camp, as he still tried to be an active camper.
But after Apollo rejected him, he started to visit the camp more rarely, he knew Apollo would avoid camp if he was there, and his kids needed him. So it was an easy choice.
Sadly, even his better day could rapidly change to his worst, just like it happened one time in the camp. He ran into Calypso, and after he just hid in his cabin, not in mood to talk or meet anyone. Seymour, Mr.D’s leopard started to mewl at his door, so he allowed him in. He always knew when he needed some cathering. He loved when Seymur’s weight anchored him, his purr made his day brighter.
But he should have known, it won’t last.
Mr. D visited him later, and told him it was not healthy. He knew that, thank you Sherlock, but he honestly didn’t know how to get better. He was coping as well as he could.
The god talked about making the others uncomfortable with his constant hiding, and not being a good role model. Back before he and Apollo broke it off, he sometimes talked to Will, about better coping and stuff, but after… he just avoided the Apollo kids. He was sure he wasn’t welcome with them anymore, so why try?
After the Mr. D talk, he left the camp. He hadn't visited since then, he knew when he was unwelcome.
He lived on his ship, swam when he felt like, or draw, he liked drawing, most of the time it was his vision he drew, but not always. He never told that to anyone either, he was sure he would have time to talk about it with Apollo, but well….
Who needs to know?
He cleaned the sea or any water wherever he was, sometimes helping Grover, but he was mostly alone. Blackjack and Mrs O’leary constantly visited him. Mrs O’leary spent most of her time with him, she knew he needed him. Whenever she was not with him, she was with Nico in the Underground or with Thalia at the Hunt. He was sure they were keeping their eyes on him, but he no longer tried to reach out.
If they need him, he will be there for them, but both of them were too busy for him to lean on them.
He will just receive pain in the end, so why even try ?
He was fine.
He was napping on the deck in his hammock, when he felt Mr. D gently asking for entrance. His father made sure only those could be on his ship, who he allowed it. It didn’t matter if the person was a god.
He looked at the god, and while he thought about going back to his cabin, and acting like he didn’t notice anything, he didn’t want to act that rude. And the god looked sincere.
With a weary sigh, he allowed the other onto his ship, and got up.
“What do you want?,” Percy asked rudely, he wasn’t in the mood to talk, and act nicely. He was never in the mood, not anymore. This time Mr. D didn’t react to his rudeness, just waved his hand and soon he was sitting down on his usual chair.
“You haven’t visited the camp since we talked, I came to check you,” he sounded caring, none of his usual bored talk.
“You have seen me, you can go,” to be honest he wasn’t planning to be this hostile, but this was easiest right now.
“Perseus, I didn’t talk to you that night to make you feel unwelcome. I hoped you would seek help, even mine. But you just left.”
“It was for the best, “Percy shrugged here, “ You told me I scared the others, the easiest way to avoid that, to leave the camp. You should be happy, I followed your advice,” Percy sassed back.
“You can continue being a little shit, but I won’t leave till I believe you are better.”
“I’m fine, I’m doing as best as I can. No amount of talking or staring at me will change that. You are wasting your time,” Percy retorted.
“Apollo worries about you,” Mr. D quietly said and suddenly the waves around the ship became violent. Months ago, he would have yelled at the other, now only the waves showed his anger. He was too tired for more.
“Neither of you have any right to worry about me, you can tell him I’m fine, I’m always fine. Now, leave.”
“No. You are not fine, and I won’t leave.
He is sorry, he made a rash decision, after he overheard your talk with Thalia. Artemis already chewed him out, just as your friend.”
“And?” Percy asked with a shrug. A sorry won’t make a difference. He knowingly rejected him. There was no accidental rejection, the soulmate bond wouldn’t allow that.
“He knows there is no going back, but he wants to help you, maybe to find your next soulmate,” Mr. D replied, still sounding sincere and all of that. But Percy just wanted to laugh into his face. Next soulmate? So he can be rejected again? Does he even have a soulmate anymore? He is pretty sure, only the gods can have more than 5 soulmates. Does he even have enough soul? While rejection doesn’t mean that you lose part of your soul, but it gets damaged. A mortal, demigod soul just slowly, with much care can regenerate. His soul is probably in shambles after everything.
“What next? I already know I’m unlovable, no need to try more. I’m too much, too powerful, too unruly, too mortal.
If I need to guess he overheard my talk with Thalia about not wanting to be immortal. How I still rejected the idea.
Even at that time I had more bad days than good, most of the day I’m in constant pain, and for once I was trying to be selfish, and not suffer for eternity. I can never be painless, I will always have horrible days. I believed that I could get better with my soulmate, and I hoped, as he already accepted me at my worst, we could do it. I didn’t want to hurt him, but for once I tried to be selfish.
Well, I was wrong.
What’s new?,” Percy turned away, to hide his tears, trying not to look any weaker. He felt ridiculous, he was crying about trying to be selfish, how he hoped that something good will happen to him. He should have known better, he’s just a weapon, not the person behind it.
“Percy” suddenly Mr. D was behind him, he could feel the heat coming from the god’s body. “Which soulmate was Apollo?” He sounded like he cared, unusually gentle.
“He was the fifth, “ Percy whispered, it hurt to even talk about it, but then something made him continue, maybe because Mr. D sounded like he cared?
“I really should have known it was just a dream. Luke tried to kill me, Rachel rejected me over her destiny, Annabeth fears me, I’m too unruly for Frank, and I’m too mortal for Apollo.”
“Where are your marks?” He sounded worried and more like there was a big distance between them.
“On my thighs…..” Percy replied and then the world went back.
Dionysus quickly caught Percy when he fainted. While he wanted him asleep, unconsciousness wasn't in his plans.
As he lifted Percy he noticed how light he was, which he did not like. As he did that, Apollo and Poseidon materialized behind him. Without turning or saying anything, he just went to the door on his left. First it was a kitchen, there were two opened doors. One was the bathroom, and the other was the bedroom. He went in and gently laid him down on the bed.
Apollo was immediately beside him and examined Percy, in the end he pushed Perseus’s shorts up, to see his soulmarks.
Poseidon gasped in shock when he saw it. And he wasn’t alone with his shock.
It was bad.
Really bad.
The first two looked like a tattoo, the third looked like they went through twice while tattooing, the next one was deeper but still just a light scar, but the last one looked like it was written with a cursed weapon, deep and red.
“How did we not notice it? “ Poseidon asked.
“There was no reason to make a deep scan, as he healed very quickly in water. He always went to the infirmary as the last one,” Apollo quietly replied, but he couldn't mask the pain in his voice, he blamed himself. That was clear.
“Stop, nephew. No one blames you, yes, you should have talked to him, but I understand your reason, you didn’t want to be hurt by losing him. You just protected yourself, I wish you did in a different way but I totally understand.
Neither of us asked him his reasons, and he visited Atlantis many times.
Will he be okay?”
“With help, maybe. I honestly don't know for sure. After I rejected him, Will was very upset with me, the whole cabin. They told me, i fucked up, cause percy will avoid them for sure and as he was finally asking help for coping.”
“Don't mortals usually have two, max 3 soulmates, demigods max 4 and anything more is for gods?”
“Yes. And that's the problem. Their souls can't deal with more than 4, even 4 is too much. Five, impossible. He is always doing the impossible, but alas I am sure he knows that 5 is the godly category. “
“What will happen now? There surely is something that we can do,” Poseidon almost growled as he said that, the desperation was very noticeable in his voice.
“Souls and soulmates aren't my area, yet I don't think any of us want to talk to them. Right now, Percy needs resting, his soul is ready to crash and kill him,” Apollo said and he was right, neither of them wanted to talk Aphrodite or Hades. But.. Wait, didn't Peter like to sleep with Seymour? Like it was almost impossible to get his leopard to come back to the Big House, whenever Percy stayed in the Camp. Mostly in the last year, but it happened from time to time.
His cat was very protective of Paul, maybe he felt that what was going on? But wait….maybe they could change him.
“What is your big idea nephew? “ Poseidon asked quietly, he probably watched them think.
“We could change him into an animal, like a cat. My kits already love him, so there won't be any problem and then he can rest truly, while still being his annoying self. I could monitor his state, start some therapy and Ariadne wanted to meet him for a long time, it would give her a reason to do so, “ Dio quickly gave his reasoning, he never liked when Poseidon or the brat looked at him with those eyes. Of course he would never say that to either of them. And Ariadne really wanted to meet Perseus. He finally gave in his back but when his dear visited the brat was gone, and her wife was very sad.
“It could work, but are you sure Dio?” Apollo asked back after thinking a little. Mr. D huffed, but answered while looking away from them.
“I don’t hate him, he is a brat, but many of you told the same about me. Whenever I complained about him all of you thought ‘Karma’”
“You are not wrong, I look at him, and I see myself. Luckily for all of us, he is better than me. If you honestly think turning him into a cat will help him, I agree, but he needs to agree too. Hopefully it will help him,” Uncle Barnacle responded calmly as he sat down next to Percy. Apollo just looked out of the window while Dionyssus walked closer to the desk, something about the pens and notebooks made him curious.
They were the water, fire, tearproof notebooks, with the charm of always returning to its owner. They sold it with the little shelf in the camp shop, usually the Hephaestus cabin bought them, sometimes the Apollo cabin, but most of the time Apollo made sure they had the perfect notebooks in the cabin.
With light curiosity he picked one up and opened it in a random page and he almost closed it reflexively.
It wasn’t a simple notebook, no it was a notebook filled with drawings of visions. The page where he opened it told him that. They all knew that one of them cursed the Oracle of Delphi, and only after the Great Prophecy was finished was the curse broken.
And the drawings just told him that it was Hades, who in his grief cursed the Oracle after Zeus tried to kill children, just after the first Great Prophecy was told.
“Apollo?” Dio called his brother and suddenly both him and Poseidon were beside him.
For minutes all of them were silent as they turned page after page. When the notebook ended Apollo closed the book and put it back in its place, his movements and face looked calm, but they knew him well enough, so he was anything but calm.
“I always thought that his dreams were because he was part of two Great Prophecies. Not because he inherited it. But alas while I mostly remember the night I spent with Sally, there is a possibility that my more ancient form was also present.”
“Who knows, Sally is also a clear-sighted mortal, which is interesting, but she doesn’t know anything about her parents.
Although having the sight, could be the reason why Percy had my prophet and me as soulmates.” Apollo added, no one needed to look at him to know he regretted rejecting Perseus. He was already guilt ridden, but after every new information, it was worse than before and no one could help him. Not really.
The only thing that could help him if the brat heals and finds his happiness. Oh, and time.
But for the next few centuries Apollo will be miserable. The good question is who will have enough the first time Apollo’s sad poems this time?
Last time it was Ares, who will be this time?
Will heard earlier from Kayla that she had seen Rachel, but he still had a few hours of his shift in the infirmary, so he waited. It was not that important to barter with anyone to see her right away.
After his shift(Kayla wanted to ask questions at the end, but he literally begged her to ask them tomorrow) he went to hunt down their Oracle. He hoped that she had seen something about Percy, he was worried about him.
Originally he planned to visit her cave first, but something told him to visit the Big House first. If she wasn’t there, at least he doesn’t need to come back, but otherwise he would get annoyed with himself. And he was trying to avoid that, as even Percy told him that he was an ass when he was annoyed, while being honest that on bad days he was harsher too.
He checked outside first, hoping to not to run into Mr. D, but when nobody was outside he checked the living room, where many times Mr. D’s leopards were napping.
Luckily Rachel was there, sitting on the single couch, a blanket on her laps while she was reading.
“Hi Will” Rachel welcomed him, just as he stepped inside and found her.
“Hi, umm have you seen Percy?” Will asked awkwardly. How do you ask the Oracle if she had seen somebody?!
“I did, come in and close the door,” she replied and as he did that and walked closer, she put down her book, and leaned back.
“So?” He asked again impatiently.
“Don’t freak out, please,” she said and lifted her blanket halfway. And there was a tiny black leopard kitten with seagreen eyes.
“Is that Percy?! What the fuck?!” Will almost yelled in shock. The kitten just meowed back and went back under the blanket to hide.
“Percy, Poseidon and Apollo all agreed with Dionysus's idea. Percy wasn’t doing well “ there was a very quiet, pitiful meow as Rachel said that, “ and he still isn’t doing well. He needs time and healing,” Rachel finished her sentence and Will could see she wanted to reach out and pet kitten Percy. Percy burrowed back into his blanket burrito, not touching Rachel while doing so.
And while Will wanted to ask what happened, he knew well that Percy wasn’t doing well even before Apollo rejected him, after that…Percy just disappeared from the Camp and Will and everyone else who knew him well was worried. For good reason.
“How can we help?” He asked instead.
“Keep him company, and go slow. Don’t tell the others, for now.” Rachel said and Will nodded, yeah that would be bad, Percy was their leader, the others needed to see him as someone strong. Rachel looked away but continued “ Mr. D. and his leopards are helping too, but he needs us too. And you two already started talking before you know what happened.”
“I was surprised when he reached out.
I noticed that he only allowed a few of us to touch him, and that he started to silence himself, but to be honest I didn’t know that it was really bad.” Will replied quietly. He wasn’t usually the one the others usually asked questions about mental health, he was too brash, and busy for that. He didn’t mind his tongue around the infirmary, and he wasn’t the most well liked doctor because of that. Although he was the most skilled, he was fine with it. So it was a surprise when Percy asked him, and not Kayla.
“He trusts you, and that’s rare.
He was my first and only soulmate, I rejected him, because I thought I knew how he would think. I thought my destiny was more important, and not stopped for a moment to think about why the Fates would make us soulmates, when I was the next Oracle of Delphi.
I was his second, and Lord Apollo was his fifth,” when Rachel said that she looked right into Will's eyes and her eyes shined with power.
“Five or more is godly territory.
Should Perseus survive its toll, the future is in his hand.
Protector of demigods, long lived, yet not immortal.”
The End