Chapter Text
To say that the first few months was horrible was an understatement.
The day Derek pushed Avery off the platform was the same time his laptop crashed, and there was no way of getting Derek back. He lost the chance of being able to search for Derek’s information, of searching for any trace of his existence and a way to reach him other than his name. He knew nothing about Derek, other than his first name, Minecraft skin, and username. There was no way for Avery to save Derek, to try and save him even at the last second, or to see him and give his thanks. Avery couldn’t do anything. He can’t.
You are capable of great things.
For the rest of his final days in Christmas break, Avery laid in bed. He didn’t bother to get up, except when he had to go to the bathroom. He didn’t eat for three days straight after New Year’s until his roommate, Jonas, came home from a vacation in France with his girlfriend and upon seeing Avery’s condition, made sure to cook a meal for two but even with him being an excellent cook, the food tasted like ash in his mouth. Jonas and his other roommate Adam seemed concerned for his wellbeing but Avery gave them blank statements, the response “I’m fine” holding no meaning to it. He laid there, trying to make sense of everything. Why him? Why did the King decide that Avery Quinn, a college sophomore with less than average grades and had nothing to bring to this world, had to be his vessel and have Derek suffer for it? Why Avery, out of all people, and why did it have to be Derek who had to suffer in the end?
You’ll do great things.
January 5, 2026 was the day Avery’s spring semester started. He barely managed to get out of bed and take a measly shower, packing his stuff in a daze. Derek was supposed to be doing the things Avery was. He was supposed to be alive. He should be the one taking a shower, breathing fresh air, but now he’s dead and will never get a chance to experience the beauty of life. I’m grateful that I saw it all, even for just a little — but Derek deserved more than this. So much more.
It feels like he could fall over and crumple to the ground at any moment, his knees feel weak and his bones feel heavy. Avery feels hollow, like Derek’s death had carved his core out and had it crumble away with his death, and it feels like it would only take a matter of time that Avery would be six feet under in a grave not too different from Derek’s. The wind feels mockingly crisp against his skin, the afternoon sunlight in shades of yellow illuminating the ground below him, as if making fun of the fact Derek would never get to experience this ever again. Faces blur within each other and buildings seem to be like paper cutouts of what Avery once knew as he weakly took one step, then another, into the college building and into the hallways, his mind droning far, far away into the church and its gardens, of the knight in the library, and wondering to himself, what could he have done to change things? To not make Derek have the weight of the world on his shoulders, and to do something to change the fate Derek had before him?
The professor drones on and on about coding but Avery can’t hear anything. He doesn’t understand any of it. All he does is press his hand to his heart and feel the heartbeat he doesn’t deserve, the heartbeat Derek should have instead of him, the one who saved the world through a matter of solving codes and pure wit alone, defeating the embodiment of knowledge, and not some pathetic college student.
He wondered what Derek’s life could’ve been if it weren’t for the King. He wondered what he looked like, what his favorite food would be, what his career would’ve been like. He wondered if Derek was a college student just as he was, a wise professor who had his life gone to ruin, or if he was an unemployed man living in his basement who had the misfortune to come across an eldritch being. He wondered if Derek had a family, or lived alone, or if he had roommates or roommates like Avery did. He wondered if they ever crossed paths once, if they ate in the same fast food place without sparing a glance at each other, he wondered if they lived in the same town.
Days passed. Avery falls asleep in class time and time again and gets scolded by his professor, a balding middle-aged man with glasses and strict eyes and made comments about the fact that Avery forgot to answer 60% of his homework. Adam stands in the doorway of Avery’s room some nights watching over him, looking at him pitifully laying in his bed and decides to answer his homework for him — they both shared the same course, computer science. Jonas, a culinary student, still cooks for him and asks how it tastes and only Adam comments on it. Avery doesn’t deserve to eat, Derek does. Derek lingers in his thoughts, haunting him for days on end.
Please don’t think you failed, Avery.
Weeks pass. Thank god for Adam, who managed to salvage Avery’s grades as he wastes away in bed. He even offered to get Avery a laptop, provided that he paid for it. He did. He doesn’t know how Adam does it, but Avery owes him something. But not like Derek — Avery owes him his life. He can’t bring himself to do anything. Avery once saw himself in the mirror and couldn’t bear to look at it again — his skin was much paler than before, he definitely lost a lot of weight, his honey blonde hair had reached his chin and it was a mess, and his eyes were dark and sunken. He never looked at it again. He doesn’t look at his phone anymore and only stares blankly at the wall. The days blur, a neverending cycle of classes and laying in bed. Some days he has to be reminded by Jonas to drink water in order to not die of thirst.
When you read this, don’t think you let me down.
There is a man dead at his hands, and that is Derek. Derek wanted Avery to do great with his life at his own expense but what? How can he do just that, when the weight of Derek’s death is still on him like concrete crushing his back when the world below him shook and crumbled around him on January 1st.
Months pass. Adam stops visiting Avery's room — he can’t blame him, it is covered in filth and a thin layer of dust — and moves out entirely on the 17th of April — finals are coming yet Avery doesn’t know anything. Jonas says that Adam is now living with his partner, but he still helps with Avery’s homework. Another man moves in but Avery hasn’t caught his name. Avery is wasting his life away, the same life that Derek fought hard to keep, and he knows it. Maybe it was better if Derek didn’t bother with Avery at all. Maybe it was better if those pills at sixteen worked—
“Avery.”
Jonas stands by the side of his bed, he doesn’t know how he got there, but there he is with tousled black hair and kind, brown eyes. “Avery, come on, we need to talk.” Talk about what? What else is there to talk about, when Avery’s favorite person and dearest friend despite the limited time they had is now dead — “Come on.”
For the first time in weeks, Avery sits at the dinner table like he once did before Christmas break, during the last days where he and his roommates were chatting about their plans for the future, over some cheap beer they found at the mall. It all seemed so far away — the way Adam would boisterously laugh at whatever Avery or Jonas said, the way Jonas would ramble on and on about bugs since he got intoxicated easily, the way they made Avery forget his problems, and that was all before Derek. Now it's only Jonas and the other roommate who now knocked on the door of the apartment, a man with pale eyes and dyed hair who brought in groceries and quickly excused himself once he made eye contact with Avery.
“Oh, that's Hugo. College dropout turned bartender.” Jonas chuckled, but the tension in the air didn’t dissipate any further even as Avery gave him a soft smile. But Jonas was rapping his fingers against the table and glanced at Avery. “Are you okay, man?”
“Yeah, I am—”
“Don’t even start on that. I know you’re not.” Jonas sighed and rubbed his eyes. Being his roommate for two years made Jonas recognize that. “Avery, look at yourself. I can’t stand to see you go on like this.”
But how couldn’t he, when this is the only way, no matter how twisted and nonsensical it was, Avery knew to make sure he would always remember Derek. Maybe if he always laid in bed, he would always think of Derek and no one else. Nothing else. Maybe he had come to peace some time ago that he wouldn’t mind meeting his end if his last thought was Derek. Maybe it was much preferable if Jonas didn’t try to take care of him all the time.
“Avery? You’re spacing out again.”
Sometimes Avery selfishly wished that Wesley, or Jonas, or Adam, or Hugo weren’t his roommates and instead it was just Derek. He wishes he could’ve helped one way or another.
“Look, man,” Jonas wrung his hands together and looked away. “I know you’re going through something. Me and Adam didn’t choose to interfere, I didn’t want to seem intruding but — Avery.” Jonas pleaded. “Talk to me.”
And so Avery told him everything. Well, nearly everything as he could manage, because Jonas didn’t come face to face with an eldritch being or see one of his dearest friends fall to it, to succumb to infinite knowledge and couldn’t look away from the screen or he’d get a migraine. He did tell him about the grief, the feeling of losing a part of you that was only there for a bit but meant so, so much to him, the way Derek wished to never be forgotten. And for what seemed like hours on end, Avery talked and rambled, and didn’t notice that Jonas stood up until he felt tissues dabbing his face.
And maybe things got slightly better for him after that, especially when Jonas said out loud, “Then Derek wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this. He would’ve wanted you to live in his honor.” And he was right.
So Avery tried.
It was hard, but he did try. Trying at least got you somewhere, giving up did not, especially when most days at the start Avery wanted to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling. But Jonas was insistent on Avery getting out of bed in the morning and going out, and sometimes Hugo was dragged along. There were finals to study for after all, and Avery persuaded Adam to stop calling to tell him that he finished his homework, he tried cleaning up his room with Hugo’s help. He had terrible days, yes, and a lot of the times he couldn’t get out of bed and sometimes he wished Jonas didn’t try and help him that day as whatever he was doing now took so much more effort but if anything, Avery (well, it was mostly Jonas who persuaded him to think this way) reminded himself that no matter how difficult the path was, no matter how thorny and rough it was, if it was for Derek, he would.
But he never forgot him.
After his finals in May (thank god and Adam fucking Henderson that he passed), Avery got bored and searched up d3rlord3 on every social media site and search engine he could manage. It feels cruel knowing that Derek likely knew everything about Avery but Avery didn’t know a thing about him, and he was determined to change it.
Nothing much came up on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok or Facebook but he did stumble across a YouTube channel with the only video titled, Goodbye from d3rlord3. Seeing the letter once again and hearing what happened in Derek’s final moments… It was too much. Avery closed the tab and felt his eyes sting and throat tighten, the grief washing over him as if it was as fresh as January 1st. But there was something.
dhutchins333.
Finally Avery knew his last name. Derek Hutchins. Such a simple name for an extraordinary man, a man who saved his life. Avery hesitantly typed in both Derek Hutchins and dhutchins333 into various social media sites and search engines and fuck he found something—
On the Wayback Machine, he found his Facebook profile.
It had been deleted some time ago in 2024 and it barely had any pictures other than a singular profile photo of someone from a webtoon but he found his family members.
Family Members
> Eileen Hutchins (Mother)
> Zian Hutchins (Brother)
> Leah Hayes (Cousin)
> Hannah Mendoza (Niece)
> Barry Hutchins (Grandfather)
One by one, Avery typed in the names into Google and his heart jumped and sank all at once.
Eileen Hutchins made a post a week ago on Facebook tagging a private profile named Der Hutchins captioned First time eating in 1 year with my baby ❤️❤️❤️ Godbless nhak 😊❤️, with Eileen, Derek and Zian eating in a restaurant.
Hannah Mendoza made a post 2 days ago under the profile Snowy Owl that read Thank you Tito Der!!!! and showed her holding a volleyball with a trophy next to Derek.
In another post from Eileen Hutchins in March, Derek was seen smiling with someone Avery assumed to be Leah Hayes, and in another photo he was seen with Zian.
Olive skin, a bit of stubble, curly black hair tied into a ponytail. Broad stature and stern eyes that glinted golden.
Avery had come to the terms with the fact a long time ago that he would die for Derek, but also live for him. For Derek, for his memory, and to preserve the life he fought so hard to live, to get from Hell and back and the King just to save.
He never considered that he was alive.
It was like his world flipped upside down once again since the day Derek supposedly died and Avery’s hands shook. His mind blanked out into radio static and stared at the screen like a ticking time bomb.
He felt the weight of the velvet couch dip beside him, and he heard Jonas’s concerned voice ring out beside him. “You alright, Aves?” It didn’t take a genius to take a glance at the laptop screen and realize what was going on. He said out loud what Avery had been thinking.
“What the hell?”
Avery Quinn never considered that Derek Hutchins was alive and breathing. And Derek didn’t tell Avery a thing.
To say that the months after that was out of control was an understatement as well.
Avery spiraled into investigations, checking everyday what any of Derek’s relatives were posting, saving every photo of Derek he could manage and finding out anything about him to see if Derek was really alive and if what he was seeing was real and not a hoax—
Derek was alive.
Derek was alive.
Golden irises and olive skin haunted his dreams and nightmares, lingering longer than they should’ve been. Instead of laying in bed all day, he paced around the whole apartment. How did this happen? How could this happen? Was the King dead or alive? Huh???? What?????????? There’s no way this was real, but it was. He tried messaging Eileen once, Hello Miss Hutchins, this is Avery Quinn, one of Derek’s friends. I’d like to ask how Derek is? I haven’t seen him in a while and I thought he had passed— but she didn’t respond. She left him on delivered. Avery is going mad. Yes he is happy and relieved that Derek was alive but he had absolutely no way to contact him and Derek didn’t tell him he was alive. What the hell? He was grateful Derek saved his life but could he at least leave Avery a message of sorts? If he’s so insistent on leaving Avery to be just a mere online friend he came across in Minecraft could he at least say, Hey, I managed to survive. Have a good life. What the hell does someone do with the fact that the person they’ve been grieving for the past six months was alive? And didn’t tell them?
“....we could try going to the storage locker.” Hugo offered. Jonas had relayed the information to him with Avery’s permission last June. “We could ask whoever works there for Derek’s information, maybe his phone number…”
And that they did a few weeks later, on July 13th. Avery took a ride on Hugo’s motorbike and drove to the storage locker a few miles away from their apartment and it closed down. Just great. No way to find Derek.
With Avery’s obsession over Derek, it didn’t take long for August to come, and the day came for him to submit his requirements to enroll into the fall semester. And then came the dreaded day of August 31st.
August 31st, 2026.
It was 20,908,800 seconds, 348,480 minutes, 5808 hours, and 242 days since Avery watched his laptop shut down and watched Derek slip away from his grasp. 20,908,800 seconds, 348,480 minutes, 5808 hours, and 242 days since that fateful day on January 1st, 2026 where Avery's world tipped upside down and never made itself quite right in the end. But it was 8,985,600 seconds, 149,760 minutes, 2496 hours, and 104 days since that day on May 19th, 2026, where Avery found out Derek Hutchins was alive, and he did not know what to make of it.
The start of the fall semester this year was a lot better than the start of the spring semester this year, and huh. Things were looking up for him, but Derek was still alive and he couldn’t find him but he’ll attend his first class just once and then come back to finding him—
Avery’s feet froze at the threshold of the door.
There were new students, obviously. It was a new semester after all, but who he didn’t expect to be there was someone with dark curls and golden eyes.
Obviously his back was turned to him, but Avery had seen so many photos posted from Eileen or Hannah that he knew who this mysterious man wearing a hoodie and headphones and glasses was.
Derek Hutchins is attending Avery Quinn’s college, in the same course he is.