Work Text:
Master Splinter is gone.
Master Splinter is gone, and they were completely helpless to stop it. Mikey still thinks he's alive and he ought to be out there somewhere, but Raph isn’t so sure. Even if sensei survived Shredder's onslaught, how wouldn't he have drowned in the sewers? Even if he survived those impossible odds, then he's stuck in the city during the Kraang invasion– he might be just as messed up as Mr. O'Neil! Does what happened even matter if they can't ever find him?
Worse, Leonardo is still unconscious.
Leo might never wake up. Then what will they do? Ralph's already proven he can't be the leader: Mikey almost got killed by SNAKEWEED because of his crappy ‘leadership,’ if you can even call it that. Now they don't have Master Splinter, and they don't have Leonardo– if Raphael is telling the others what to do, who will tell him what to do?
Whatever the Kraang are up to, it's not going to stop Raphael when the time comes. Splinter and Leo, they'll be avenged, even if it kills Raph to see it through. He will bring justice to Shredder, for Master Splinter, for Leonardo, even for Karai and her mother. Not if, but when the Shredder’s fate is in Raphael's hands he will make him suffer tenfold to repay all the pain he's caused his friends, his family.
Raphael knows neither Splinter nor Leonardo would want him to sit here in grief and rage, blood boiling beneath his skin as he stares with blank white eyes at the still figure of his older brother in the bath. He looks hollow, like his shell’s been emptied and his skin leaked of blood. He looks dead.
He lets himself get lost in a twisted fantasy, imagining the Shredder's armor still encasing that hollow corpse. Thick red ichor would taint the metal helmet he seemed to care so much about Raph would kick it without a care in the world for its safety. He spends a lot of his time daydreaming while at Leonardo’s side, planning his vengeance, what he’ll say and all the things he’ll do to make Oroku Saki’s death as painful and miserable as possible.
“Hey, uh, Raph?”
The voice cuts through his fantasy and Raphael is forced to swallow the rage, pupils returning with a quick blink. The emotions, the anger and mourning, still sit like a rock in his belly, but he chokes out a reply.
“Hey, April.”
“Are you doing okay?”
What a stupid question– of course he isn’t, and what does that matter, anyways? It’s Leo she should be worrying about, not Raphael. Nobody seems to care the way he does, Mikey’s off goofing around like they have no worries or cares in the world, Donatello and Casey are probably fussing over that stupid hunk of junk in the barn, and April is always worried about the wrong turtle.
“Oh, yeah, peachy.” He grumbles in reply, but April doesn’t acknowledge the sarcasm at all.
“Raphael, I know you’re worried about Leo, but you have to take care of yourself, too. You can’t just sit in the bathroom all day.”
“Oh, yeah? If I don’t, then who will?” The turtle shifts his weight on the stool, gaze set on Leo and never moving to even glance at April's expression.
“What does sitting here staring at him do?”
His eyes narrow, and he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t have a good answer, not one he’s willing to give. No, he won’t tell April he wants to be there when Leonardo wakes up, and no, Raph certainly won’t be telling her that he can’t let his brother die alone.
Raph has tried to build up walls to keep his doubts out, to keep his mind from mulling over scenarios that do nothing but terrify him, but they begin to crack like a dam under too much pressure. Raphael can’t help it when he imagines walking into that bathroom and settling down on his stool, just to notice that Leo isn’t breathing. He’d check his neck for a pulse and find nothing there, then he’d shout for help but all they’d be able to do is confirm that he’s gone, and he went without a single soul to keep him company. Then they’d look at Raph expectantly and he would stare back, just as terrified, lost, and without a single idea of what to do next.
“Raph?” April’s voice pulls him out of the fantasy once more. “Your eyes went white– you okay?”
Huh? He hadn’t even noticed the change and relaxes his whole body in response– he’s also been grinding his teeth and clenching his fists, lost in his own thoughts.
“Get out.” He can see April’s shocked expression in his peripherals, but he just keeps staring at the body.
“Raphael–”
“Get out!” He shouts it this time, but she doesn’t even flinch.
“Or what?”
“Or what?” Raph repeats, completely dumbfounded by her courage. He finally looks at April, standing there with her arms folded and a look on her face that screams ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
“Or what, Raph.”
The turtle growls in frustration– he and his brothers would get into brawls all the time, but that’s different. Not because April’s a girl or anything– he’d have a fist fight with Karai any day of the week (y’know, if the Shredder didn’t turn her into a snake woman)– but O'Neil's not got as much training as Karai or the Turtles. She’s got skills for sure, Raph knows that from their sparring sessions, but he still wins even when taking it easy on her. April knows he isn’t going to hurt her, and she’s using it against him. She’s going to make a damn good kunoichi one day.
April must have seen the defeated look on the turtle’s face because a small smirk creeps onto hers. “Come spar with me and the boys, Raph. Please?”
“I’m not leaving Leo.”
“He’ll be okay! He’s clearly not going anywhere!”
“But what if-” Raph stops, thinks for a moment, then changes course. “I’ll do it on one condition– either Donnie or Mikey stays with him.”
“I think I can make that happen. It’s a deal. I’ll go get Donnie.”