Chapter Text
Joel couldn't recall how long he'd been stuck in this laboratory, surrounded by scientists with their clipboards and information and tests. He wasn't sure if he had been here a year, two, perhaps even three, all he could remember from his past was his twin sister, Pearl, who'd arrived here with him and been stuck just as he had ever since. They'd both been used and changed and ‘perfected’ for experiments claiming to be scientific discovery, though everyone knew the whole experimenting on children business was shady. Their very biology was changed, altering them into new beings, the researchers had called them the ‘cure for the world’, but really everyone viewed them as monsters. Child hybrids which had the mixed DNA of various animals, had faced accidents and irregularities that of regular humans never knew of were shunned.
They were lifeforms alike to accidents too early in history, they were burdens. So, they'd all been shoved into a place where they could experienced a dampened life in the compounds of a research centre, having a generally normal life until someone needed to be tested or broken down more in desperate attempts to find a cure to some sort of world ending disease that didn't yet exist.
Pearl had been changed into some form of moth hybrid, Joel had gathered. Her long brunette hair had since gained streaks of blonde, she had sprouted a set of fuzzy wings along her back and antennas. Joel was much like her, in a way, some form of bug hybrid, with bright green antennas, a newly formed green streak in his hair, and a small set of translucent wings poking from his shoulder blades down to his lower back, though he often hid these away underneath his shirts. They were an odd pair, but Joel couldn't help his loyalty to her, they were bound by more than just trauma, by blood.
The laboratory wasn't all bad either, Joel figured, he'd made plenty of friends, with other outcasts in the laboratory. First a parrot hybrid, and then his brother, a canary. Their friendship grew, and over time, a whole collection of children known as the ‘Hermits’ had joined together, agreeing to ally with each-other and help throughout their lives, as long or short as they may be. Joel had plenty of friends, and a group he'd amicably deemed the ‘Bad Boys’ with both the parrot and canary hybrid, despite their reluctance to the name, though they didn't truly mind all too much.
Pearl was friends with some sort of dove, a cat hybrid, some form of tiger, a deer and a bat hybrid, and of course, the parrot hybrid. Joel knew them well, but wasn't all too in their group, besides annoying the life out of the smallest in their group, younger brother of the cat hybrid and some other as well, he looked like a human covered in moss, Joel wasn't sure what hybrid he was, and his older sister resembled a zombie, so he'd had no clue there either.
Still, with all of the good, came their living situation. Most of them slept in rooms with 6 kids in each. Joel was with the parrot, canary, bat and the moss-looking kid, an empty place next to his area on the ground floor. He had set up a pile of blankets and pillows, lazily sitting within the fluffiness of his surroundings, body pressed up against the cushions. His antennas raised slightly when a commotion occurred outside, scientists seemingly hushing a child. Joel grinned, stepping from his pile and poking his head into the doorway, brown tufts of messy hair sprawling in front of his face. He huffed, trying to swipe them away to stare at the researchers, dragging a thin, pale, boy with white hair, grey eyes, and a black face mask. Joel was enticed by the jacket he was wearing, green and long, a fluffed hood and large pockets present. The researchers pointed to Joel’s direction, missing his presence, and left the child standing in the hallway. He looked about Joel's age, maybe a year or two older, so Joel waltzed up to him, eager expression tugging at his lips.
“Hey!”
He leaned forwards on his feet, eyes scanning the other, who flinched, taking a cautious step back in response.
“Hello.”
They murmured back, turning their head and adjusting the black facemask. Joel ignored their hesitance.
“Welcome newbie. Wanna be friends?”
Joel asked, eyes shining excitedly, he extended an arm outwards, palm up, ready for a handshake. There was a slight hint of hope in their eyes, but they were reluctant, keeping their gloved hands by their sides.
“I don't need friends.”
They spoke quietly, Joel rolled his eyes, moving forward and swatting their forehead lightly.
“Everyone needs friends! Look, I'll prove it to you, by giving you something as a promise.”
He spoke, stepping back now but holding his pinky out.
“A promise?”
They blinked at him, eyes wandering down to Joel’s pinky, they fiddled with their own hands now in front of them, perhaps considering it.
“Yeah, it'll be like me committing to our friendship. We’ll be friends forever.”
Joel nodded.
“Okay.”
They seemed to understand then, connecting their pinky with Joel’s in a timid promise. They were quiet still, so Joel grabbed their hand, pulling the boy inside the room where all the other boys were asleep, sitting down in his pile of pillows and tugging at them to sit too.
“Swans or Boats?”
He asked as the boy sat down beside him, kneeling on the blanket, Joel flashed him a reassuring smile.
“Boats.”
Joel then nodded in response, rustling some paper, shaping the ends of it and folding them over for a few minutes. He turned back to the boy with a ‘tada’ noise and held the paper boat out to him. They took it shyly, inspecting it.
“Thank you.”
“It's a boat. Guess what it's called!”
Joel smiled menacingly for a moment, excited for the other to even attempt the ridiculous command.
“Erm, I don't know.”
Their eyes closed to a squint, almost like they were frowning, though Joel couldn't tell with their mouth covered.
“It's the relation.”
“T-The relation?”
They looked at Joel with confusion, holding the paper boat gently in their hands.
“Yeah, it's a boat, it's a ship, so it's the relation…?”
“-ship!”
The boy looked up at Joel, eyes fully open before crinkling in the corners as a soft giggle escaped their lips, filling Joel’s ears with the sound of honey. He began to chuckle along too.
“There you go!”
The two seemed to laugh in tandem for a moment, simply innocent children. Then they spoke again, clutching the boat.
“You have one?”
They motioned to the paper, Joel smiled.
“Yeah. We can be the Boat Boys or something.”
Then they blinked.
“Wait, were you going to call us the Swans if I said swan?”
Joel scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he turned his head in a shake.
“No way, I was going to say something cool like the Bird Boys!”
The other seemed to gently chuckle again, nodding slightly as they pocketed the small boat inside their jacket.
“My name's Joel by the way.”
Joel leant back in his pile, head against the wall and legs dangling off the blanket, the boy now sat in front of Joel and in the main section of the blanket. They hadn't noticed yet.
“And my last name is Beans.”
The boy seemed skeptical, raising an eyebrow.
“Beans?”
“Yeah, but that's not my real last name, I made it up ‘cause it was funny.”
Joel grinned, shrugging.
“Does anyone else know?”
The boy asked, Joel’s grin only widened.
“Nope! They all think it's my real name.”
“That’s..funny. Why'd you only tell me?”
“I know, and well, first days here can be tough. What's your name anyway?”
Joel deflected the question, the boy thought for a moment, before offering his own name.
“Etho. Etho Slab.”
“Huh, that's unique.”
Joel blinked, eyes scanning the features of the boy again, all odd, all weirdly perfect for him.
“Yeah?”
His hands were now intertwined with each-other, fiddling with his fingers as he asked. Joel nodded, still in a half-lay, half-sit position.
“You hear about Joel’s all the time, but I've never heard of Etho before, it's really nice.”
He complimented, completely ignoring how shocked the others would be to hear him be so regular with someone.
“Oh, thank you.”
They hesitated, speaking again when their own eyes had looked Joel up and down, there was a shy politeness in their tone.
“What are you?”
Joel was confused for a moment, when Etho pointed up, towards their forehead. Joel scoffed, exhaling a laugh.
“Oh just the coolest hybrid you've ever seen!”
“Are you like a bug?”
“Well-I don't know!”
Joel frowned, feigning annoyance as his antennas drooped down into his face, the boy stared, eyes glowing with wonder as they shuffled forward, reaching out to try and touch them. They seemed to rethink it, instead shifting to sit on the other side of the blanket to block less of it for Joel, stirring the conversation in a new direction.
“Are-are the people here bad?”
Etho asked, voice quiet, maybe in fear, perhaps in anticipation. Joel's own expression seemed to dull, saddening slightly as he huffed a small laugh.
“Yeah, kinda, but it's alright, we look out for each other here, I’ll take care of you.”
The boy shook his head lightly.
“I don't need you to take care of me.”
Joel rolled his eyes again.
“Well, I've got your back then, alright?”
They seemed to look down at the blankets, then up at Joel again.
“Are you sure?”
Joel sighed, eyes beginning to weigh with tiredness.
“Very.”
The boy nodded, finally satisfied, Joel yawned as he closed his eyes, reopening them to find him shuffling closer again.
“So what are you really?”
The boy lowered down to Joel’s level, a hand brushing against Joel’s cheek. Joel blinked, face heating as he shook Etho away.
“I really don't know! Just a bug or something, just, don't get too close!”
Joel’s voice was high in panic, pouting at the boy, who seemed calm now, only moving themselves back slightly.
“Oh, sorry.”
They said, Joel just scoffed.
“It's whatever.”
Joel looked over to the boys bed, pointing to it.
“Your bed is over there, but you can stay with me for the night if you're scared.”
Joel flashed the boy a grin, the boy seemed to frown.
“I'm not scared.”
“Then sleep alone.”
Joel dramatically turned over in his blankets, shoving the boy off of him, but Joel could tell his presence remained close, an antenna raising. There were quiet breaths from beside him, until the boy seemed to sigh.
“It's dark in here.”
“That's the point.”
Joel retorted back, sarcastically, but they quietly laughed instead of taking offence, poking Joel’s cheek again with a cold fingertip.
“Joel?”
“Yeah?”
Joel didn't open his eyes when he responded.
“Can I join you?”
“Fine, only for tonight.”
Joel said, lifting his blanket cover so Etho could lay beside him, throwing it back down again when the other slotted himself in.
“Night Eefo.”
Joel said sluggishly.
“Goodnight Joel.”
Etho responded, leaving the two to fall into a swift sleep. And if when the others awoke before Joel and happened to screech about there being another kid in his bed much to him and Etho’s dismay, then so be it. If he was teased for the next few weeks of Etho being at the laboratory then he didn't care, because he'd made the newbie feel welcome, and that was enough.
Joel had always been the leader type, aggressively ready to help and care for those under his team. Pearl, Grian, Jimmy, all of his friends, now he was just doing so with Etho, nothing different, nothing wrong, nothing unique about it.
ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃
The next time Joel happened to see the boy again, was a day later, when the boy was slumped against a wall, clutching their left eye in pain and what looked to be crying, Joel couldn't tell with their stupid mask, but he rushed over to them regardless, boots stomping against the ground as he quickly moved.
“Etho! What happened?”
He called out, the other was still shaking, against the wall.
“My eye, they-I don't know just my eye!”
Joel frowned, placing a hand on both of Etho’s shoulders.
“Hey it'll be okay! Look at me, yeah?”
Etho seemed to wince a while longer, removing his hands from the eye, entirely red and bleeding, what looked to be almost entirely destroyed. Joel gasped.
“Give me a minute.”
He spoke calmly, smiling as he hummed, moving his hands in front of Etho, flinging them in patterns like a fire dance as a green aura seemed to glisten around them, Etho was entranced in it, eyes fixated on the glow. Joel then moved a palm to Etho’s eye and resting it there for a moment, despite the others grumbles, still murmuring to himself. After a minute, he moved back, hands clutched together by his chest in anticipation for Etho to look at him again.
“Feel better?”
Etho blinked, nodding slowly as his head tilted upwards, revealing his eye again.
“Yeah, thanks, what did you do, Joel?”
They asked, worry laced in their voice.
“I healed you! As best as I could. I couldn't get the natural colour of your eye back, but it's fixed now, can you see?”
“I think so.”
Etho moved forward, stumbling and crashing into Joel, who caught him in a small hug.
“It's okay now, Etho.”
“How can you heal people?”
They murmured into Joel’s back, Joel shrugged.
“Result of some freak accident, I'm not complaining though, it's helpful.”
He responded back, voice matching the same vulnerability as Etho, who nodded further into Joel’s hold for a moment.
“You're okay now, come on, let's go meet my friends.”
Joel grinned, Etho pulled away, about to take a step when Joel whisked their hand into his, running down the hallway.
“Gri!!”
He yelled, moving forwards until he crashed into a parrot hybrid, Etho falling victim to the slam as well. The parrot struggled under Joel’s weight, thrashing frantically to get Joel off of him.
“Joel!! Get off.”
They groaned, Joel laughed before he did so, pulling a dazed Etho up beside him too, and then begrudgingly helping the other up. He seemed to pout at Joel.
“Oh forget it, Grian! Look, I made a new friend.”
The boy blinked, looking up to Etho and nodding.
“He's the new guy in our room, right?”
“And he's right here.”
Joel pointed to him, poking Etho’s side, who responded by swatting Joel away lightly.
“I'm Etho.”
“Grian.”
They shook hands, quickly moving back again, Grian narrowed his eyes at them.
“How old are you anyway?”
“Eleven.”
Etho responded, Grian frowned.
“Awh man.”
Joel scoffed.
“You're so old, Eefo! We're only ten.”
Etho seemed to look at Joel for a moment, raising an eyebrow before nodding.
“That makes sense.”
“Hey! Not fair Boat Boy.”
Joel pouted now, smacking Etho in the shoulder lightly, Etho seemed to giggle, nudging him back until the two were play wrestling on the floor. Grian laughed, watching as he stood above them.
“You gave Etho a ridiculous nickname too?”
Grian asked.
“Boat boys isn't ridiculous, and you know you like the one I gave us and Jimmy!”
Joel sat up, arm still struggling to lightly hit Etho, who avoided everything he tried.
“Yeah because the Bad Boys is so cool.”
Grian crossed his arms, skeptical look on his face, Etho sat up too now, laughing softly and ending their wrestling match. Joel simply frowned at the two of them.
“You're supposed to be on my side Etho!”
The boy seemed to nod, shrugging when he raised his arms up at his shoulders.
“I am.”
“No you're not!”
Joel scoffed in Grian’s direction before speaking again.
“Wait, where is Jimmy? I gotta ask him about the redstoners.”
“Who, what?”
Etho spoke, Joel shushed him, shoving a hand over his mask, Grian thought for a moment.
“Probably hiding from his appointment today, you know where the redstoners are, just go ask them.”
He suggested, Joel dramatically sighed, standing up and dragging a helpless Etho along with him this time without as much as a goodbye to Grian, who was left standing aimlessly in the hallway to go back to whatever he was doing before. Joel trudged down the hallway, making a left turn and continuing, opening his mouth to speak, hesitating, and then speaking anyway.
“The redstoners are like the people who have a bunch of gadgets and build machines and stuff. I think you'd like them that's why I'm showing you them. There's Impulse and Tango, but Cleo and Skizz and Cleo’s brothers Bdubs and Scar also hang out with them a lot.”
Joel explained before Etho could ask again, the boy absorbed the information quickly, giving a firm nod as he did so.
“Okay.”
Joel continued their journey throughout the laboratory, boots clanking against the floor tirelessly, stamping in unison with Etho’s more rushed behind footsteps as he was pulled along the corridors and hallways. When he spotted other children, Joel finally stopped, waving to them enthusiastically and shoving Etho at them, quickly doing introductions as they met.
Etho had taken a liking to that group, as Joel had thought, particularly with Tango, Impulse, Skizz and Bdubs, which was good, Joel was happy the other was making friends. Though he hadn't been so thrilled when it seemed they might lose connection, but that was just him overthinking.
Over the nights, the weeks, perhaps the months, the two would talk at night, sitting on Joel’s bed like it was now a necessary tradition.
Etho was sat, fox-like features now evident in his form. Joel had been waiting for the other to be a subject in the DNA experiments, and an artic fox seemed to be the animal chosen for him, it suited, in a way, Joel was still saddened by the sight of him, turned into something else like the rest of them, now deemed a monster too. His ears and tail were white, the tips of his ears turning black at the edges, laying flat against his head as he talked, Joel had decided not to bring the subject up, just listening and nodding along to Etho with a smile.
“And then Bdubs-are you staring?”
Etho spoke, hint of a laugh between his breaths, Joel scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“No way, you're just yapping on and on still.”
He exaggerated, eyes wearily scanning Etho’s, worried it would affect him, but, if he could have learnt anything from Etho, it's the way his eyes start to close when he's smiling, cheeks subtly lifting the mask the smallest amount.
“Whatever Joel.”
Etho returned the sarcastic remark, not continuing his previous conversation, instead choosing to sit in silence for a moment.
“I didn't mind it, you can go on.”
Joel said, leaning back on his bed and closing his eyes.
“Seems like you're tired.”
“I'm always tired, your point?”
Joel opened an eye, raising an eyebrow at a now processing Etho, who seemed to stammer for a moment.
“Well-I er-I don't know.”
He spoke quietly, Joel snickered and opened his eyes, enthusiastically moving forwards again with a bright smile.
“I'm all awake! See? See?”
Etho giggled, cautiously looked to the door of the room, making sure no one had heard them before turning back to Joel.
“I see, you should be quieter about it though.”
Joel waved the other’s statement off.
“It's fine.”
“Sure.”
Etho said, eyes still seeming to sway across the room, with nothing to lock on, no one to focus his attention to, until Joel reached for and grabbed his hand.
“Hey, Etho?”
His tone had lowered, eyes looking at Etho innocently, like his next words were capable of destroying him.
“Yeah?”
Etho responded, tail swishing slightly next to him.
“How is it, being a hybrid now?”
There was a small frown on Joel’s lips, as if it would turn into a childish pout if Etho said anything other than the standard. Etho took a moment, huffing a small sigh before shrugging.
“I don't know, it's different, my whole world has shifted, but it's not all bad.”
“Why not?”
“I have you. You'll have my back, right Boat Boy?”
Joel grinned, hoping to match an expression he was sure Etho had underneath his mask, he nodded.
“‘Course I will.”
Etho giggled softly at that, and Joel couldn't help admiring the other boy like he was the whole world, eyes shining with a joy he hadn't felt or known he'd been missing for so long.
“Look, let me show you something about me.”
Joel spoke again, parting his hand from Etho and reaching for the collar of his shirt, Etho blinked in confusion.
“What?”
He asked, Joel had already removed his shirt by the time Etho was finished, revealing a set of translucent wings from his back that seemed to shimmer under the small amount of light in the room. Joel felt the tension in his wings cease, flapping them gently behind him, and looking to Etho nervously. Etho was still, eyes fixed on the wings, watching their every movement, almost tracing the patterns within the translucent wings. He shuffled forwards, leaning towards Joel and reaching a hand out, stopping to look to Joel again as he retracted his hand.
“Can I touch them?”
Joel seemed shy now, motioning a quick thumbs up with his hand and looking to the floor, mouth tight in a straight line as the other moved forwards again, gently placing a hand on one of Joel’s wings, feeling the way the muscles tensed and then the wings fluttered out, almost a shudder to the touch.
“I can't believe you never told me you had wings!”
Etho spoke, voice of wonder, eyes and hands still occupied with them. Joel huffed out a laugh, still just blankly staring.
“Yeah well, I saved it for a time you might need to know you aren't alone as a hybrid.”
Etho was quiet, still lightly moving his hands over the wings, fingertips following the patterns. Then he stopped, retracting his hands again and looking to Joel with a concern.
“Are they hurt?”
“No, just not used to anyone touching them.”
Joel shrugged, Etho made an ‘oh’ sound and shuffled backwards still, kneeling again, his ears flicking upwards now.
“So you didn't tell me in order to make me feel better later?”
He asked.
“Yeah, it's not a big deal or anything-”
Etho lunged forward, god he really was like a fox, tackling Joel with a hug and forcing them both flat against the ground. Joel began to laugh, struggling to get out of the others grip.
“Eefoooo!”
He gasped between chuckles, throwing his hands at Etho’s mask to get the boy off of him, Etho shoved his way further into Joel’s space though, digging his head next to Joel’s head and staying there as the other struggled.
“Eefo!”
Joel pouted, hearing quiet snickering from beside him as Etho’s tail flicked beside his leg, whacking him over and over when Etho continued to laugh.
“You're a hypocrite on the noise stuff by the way.”
Joel scoffed, having given up on trying to struggle his way out and now just laying flat against the floor, eyes staring up at the ceiling, though the view of Etho’s messy snow-white hair stayed in his peripheral vision.
“Mmm I can live with that.”
Etho murmured against Joel, still refusing to budge. Joel groaned.
“Of course.”
Etho giggled again, an arm reaching for Joel’s blanket and throwing it over the two.
“You're such a scaredy cat!”
Joel complained.
“I'm a fox.”
Etho corrected.
“I know, but sleep in your own blumming bed.”
Joel said, eyes drooping with an overwhelming sensation of sleep.
“But you're warm.”
He spoke calmly, voice low and quiet now.
“Whatever, only tonight.”
Joel said, adjusting himself, still restricted by Etho’s grip. The bug blinked in the dark, staying as still as possible, even when Etho’s heavy breaths lightened, and his grip on Joel loosened and his ears flattened against his head again, Joel stayed. It would in fact, not only be that night.
ོ𓂃𖠳𓂃
There was also the night Etho first showed his face to Joel. Joel had just returned from a run-in with the scientists, having being poked and prodded at and cut open, his shirt removed and chest covered by bandages as if he'd been shot, he clutched his stomach as he walked, wings loosely flapping behind him and hand so tightly holding his stomach that the bandages had begun to redden. Still, he moved anyway, swaying side to side in his delirious state, antennas flat against his head and mouth left slightly open so he wouldn't forget to breathe.
He swiftly opened the door to his section of the laboratory, collapsing against it before regaining his composure, slamming the door shut and falling to the ground in front of it, vision hazy and far too blurry to make out the worried Etho sitting over on his blanket, a book in his hands.
“Joel?”
Etho asked quietly, but it was clear the other couldn't hear him, one hand still desperately trying to hold the pain and another now reaching up to hold one of his antennas like it was the very source of every noise he was hearing and every emotion he was experiencing. Etho stood up, slowly stepping up to Joel and lowering himself to the floor again, a hand reaching in Joel’s hair.
“Joel?”
He spoke again, the other reacting but doing little else, just a slight widening of his eyes like he had registered the person and the sound but still couldn't see Etho, couldn't confirm he was there. Etho reached out to shake him gently.
“Joel what happened? What did they do to you?”
“They…they”
He weakly spoke, eyes closing and breaths sharpening.
“What?”
Etho reiterated.
“They tested my endurance, or something.”
Joel grumbled, still reliant on the floor to keep him from collapsing entirely. Etho nodded.
“Okay. Is it bad, let me see?”
He was calm, eyes gazing at Joel, who only waved with his hand slightly, a gesture Etho took as confirmation. He gently tugged Joel towards him, the other slumping against Etho like broken glass as he unravelled the bandages around Joel’s chest slowly, the wound beginning to stick out. Joel winced, antennas dropping further against his face, scrunched up and pained.
Etho felt a surge of anger flood through him, how could they hurt Joel? But overwhelming the rage was a worry so deep and unstoppable he was sure he had to help him.
“Joel you can heal right? Does it work on you?”
Joel nodded slowly, muttering a weak.
“I already used my energy to help what I could.”
“This is…this is with your healing?”
Etho asked, voice defeated when Joel failed to respond. He was more determined now, sitting Joel up against his blanket and quickly rushing off to get something. He came back in with a bottle, a cloth, and some bandages, stained an orange, but unused still. Following him, a set of heads poked into the room, Grian, Jimmy and some butterfly hybrid with pink hair. They all stood by the doorway, worried expressions on their faces as Etho sat down beside Joel again and placed the cloth, now wet with the liquid inside the bottle on his chest. Etho’s ears lifted up and flattened again as Joel tried to contain a scream, covering his mouth as he yelled into nothing, the cloth digging into the wound to sterilise it.
“Hold still, Joel, please.”
Etho begged, looking at Joel calmly. The boy wiped the cloth over Joel again, taking it away entirely and quickly wrapping the bandages back around him, tightly securing it with a small knot and looking at the other with a small smile Joel couldn't see. He turned to the others in the doorway.
“Thank you, he’ll be okay.”
Grian and Jimmy both nodded, the girl lingered a while longer, her blue eyes full of worry, a lip trembling.
“I promise.”
Etho emphasised, she nodded, whispering a thank you before disappearing from sight entirely. Etho huffed out a shaky shy, looking back to Joel.
Now asleep, the other was breathing steadily, his chest slowly rising and falling beside Etho, who sat beside him, resting his head against the wall and closing his eyes.
“I'm sorry I couldn't help more.”
Etho whispered to no one, knowing Joel was completely out of it, knowing there was no other children to hear them and giggle, knowing it was just him and his thoughts and his odd liking of the new friend he'd made. He smiled, opening his eyes and unhooking the mask around his ears, letting it fall into his lap as he hummed, tired too. He was only awake for a little longer, eyes often wandering back to Joel, making sure he was still okay, before he drifted off, head tilting down, leaning against nothing as his breaths evened out, conscious slipping away into a dream.
Joel’s eyes slowly batted open, the boy groaned as he sat up, every joint in his body aching with the wear of healing. He coughed, blinking and staring at his surroundings, finding an unfamiliar blanket wrapped neatly around him, soft and a shade of grey. His hand brushed against it, tingling the skin and threatening to cause another pulse of aches down his spine again, but they didn't. Joel looked to his side, suddenly feeling a slight weight to it, Etho was leaning against him, head on his shoulder and eyes closed, so gently asleep, so beautiful in his slumber.
Joel’s mouth parted, like he was about to speak and wake Etho up, raising a hand to poke his side when he halted in his movements, entire body almost killed with the sudden realisation that Etho’s face was entirely exposed, on view for his eyes only. Joel felt his face heat up slightly, pressing his shoulder further into Etho as he tried to move forwards to get a better look at the eleven year old beside him.
His messy white hair had begun to fall against his forehead, curling and unkempt. His gentle grey and red eye were closed, relaxed and without their usual squint. His skin was light, dotted with faint freckles that might as well have been stars, Joel was struck by the other's beauty. The scar having formed across his left eye during Joel’s healing seemed finally settled, going up to his eyebrow and down to the corner of his pink lips that looked chapped and worn. Joel huffed a quiet breath, almost a laugh, the other was so secretive over his looks, but he was the best thing Joel had ever seen. He'd never repeat that to anyone else, but now, his eyes lighting up with wonder, a slightly tanned hand meeting the pale palette of ghost-like skin that was Etho’s cheek, Joel felt his breathing stabilise, no longer worrying of his condition. He was fully entranced by Etho. Etho. Etho.
His fingertips gently moved along his cheek, tracing his freckles and mind longing to witness Etho smile like this. Oh, he imagined that would be his new most favourite thing in the world. When the other began to stir, he moved away again, humming softly, dumbly, as if he had just awoken himself. And when Etho turned to him, first a worried, and then a careless expression in his eyes, Joel got to see the smile that he was sure he might've fallen in love with.
He hadn't, but, that's what he imagined it was like. He'd had this awkward thing with Lizzie, a butterfly hybrid who was a friend of his, but in the end she'd rejected his not very determined advances in favour of figuring herself out, and for being ten years old, Joel understood, he didn't really mind, nor could he ever resent Lizzie for it. She was practically his best friend. Besides maybe the Bad Boys and Etho, his boat boy.
His boat boy, why was that so wonderful to think? Why did Joel want it to stay forever?
It wouldn't…it didn’t.
6 years later, Joel wouldn't even consider Etho his friend, let alone best. Let alone Boat Boys. He wasn't angry, well, okay he was. They had been friends for what was supposed to be their whole lives, but in reality was only 2 years, before Bdubs had swooped Etho up into his arms and ran away. And again, Joel was only a little angry. It wasn't their fault, he reminded himself. Etho was allowed to have friends, it was a good thing, a really good thing, he supposed. And Bdubs was lovely, practically the sun, shimmering with light and cheeriness and joy. Joel was nothing like that, he was jealous and loud and annoying and chaotic and immature. Nothing like Etho. But it didn't bother him.
With his eyes sharpened in a glare and his lips most definitely forming a pout, Joel was sat with Lizzie, Scar, Jimmy and Grian, vision fixated instead on a certain platinum blond artic fox hybrid across the lunch area, clothes the exact same as when he was eleven and Joel was ten, talking happily (mask on) with Bdubs and Tango. He scoffed, huffing a bothered exhale when Jimmy interrupted his mourning.
“Hey man, you can always talk to Etho, you know?”
The group all shared agreeing nods, all feeling the same thing. All against Joel in this. They just didn't get what it was like…Joel though, just didn't understand the pain he was in. It was truly like his friend, and all the joy and whimsy that stupid boy brought with him, had faded from his life, forever gone, but Joel was still there, still watching like a spectator, still knowing his friend and his interests but seeming him talking about them, spending time with someone else. A new friend that wasn't him. That he'd never amount to. He clenched his fists in his hands by his sides.
“Yeah, he's still your friend.”
Lizzie spoke, a smile on her face.
“Joel wants more than that.”
Grian cut in, looking down at the juice box he was obnoxiously began to sip. Joel shot him an angry look.
“He's not my friend anymore, and I don't want anything more!”
He grumbled.
“No one's ever seen you be as nice as you were to Etho. And the way you were looking at him just now. You're in love my friend.”
Scar joined the chorus of betrayals, his cat like features emphasising his enthusiasm as he gave a thumbs up and a grin. The bat hybrid sitting beside him, Mumbo, was laughing softly along with them before quietening like a scared cat when Joel had sent him a glare. Joel then rolled his eyes, looking to the ground for a moment before his eyes trailed back to the artic fox, blissfully unaware.
"I was nice to him because he was scared, you know that."
Joel spoke, voice rising in pitch in the way that meant any more disagreements and he was about to yell or get overwhelmed, so the group stopped talking about it, all shooting each other one last glance before they finished their lunches, eventually parting to continue their projects, or meetings, or tests, or training, whatever they were being forced to do now.
Joel walked back to the sleeping quarters, so annoyed he could kick a stone if he was on a path outdoors and had the freedom to be angry in public. He was bitter, that was fair. And the worst part of all of it, losing Etho as a friend, losing his trust and connection and vulnerability and friendship, was that Etho was turning 18 in a few weeks, and Joel couldn't do anything for him. He couldn't not give him something like an idiot, but he wasn't going to make a fool out of himself and do some grand gesture by crafting the other something and begging for his friendship. No, he wasn't. So he stamped into the room, slammed the door, and dropped onto his blanket and mess of pillows, ignoring the saddened and dreary world around him.